DD and her uncle...AIBU to feel uncomfortable?

Wtf?????

I agree with this 100%. I would make an excuse to miss the next lesson and speak with the police tomorrow. You dont want to use the wrong language or scare your DD into not talking and need to be sure what has happened. I would definitely seek professional advice.

Oh no. Just read your update and I take back what I said about maybe he has no boundaries and isn’t grooming on purpose (though still thought you should wind this relationship down immediately and teach your DD to watch out for herself in future) but I’ve changed my mind. There is no world in which it can possibly be anything other than grooming to ask a 12 year old girl to sit on his lap for her guitar lesson. No one would think that’s OK. No one could possibly do that innocently. He’s a fucking creep. Stop those lessons. No need for a camera! And yes others are right, if he is teaching children guitar then he needs to be reported. He may be doing this to other children. I’m so sorry OP. This must be shocking in the extreme. But you’ve done the right thing to seek advice and now you need to act.

Yep he is grooming her. You need to nip this in the bud quick smart.

You're probably reeling with all this but please keep reaching out and posting if you need to - it can be a very lonely place when you're in these situations especially where family are involved and you don't know where to turn. There is always support on Mumsnet and every problem shared enables us all to learn from each other - sadly parenting includes a large chunk of policing your own children these days.

Please don't blame yourself for uncle's behaviour, he's an adult just like you. He should be looking out for DD - nothing else and will no doubt deny everything given the opportunity so please seek professional advice before approaching him. The last thing you need is for DD to be made the subject, she is the victim and needs all the support and protection you and DH can give her xx

@Liliberated this is such a helpful response, definition and advice.

Apologies, I cross posted with the OP's last update.

Ugh what a bastard. I'm so sorry.

I'm glad you've found out, horrible though it is.

Truly not exaggerating but East Asians associate Western women (especially blonde ones for some reason) with porn. Doesn't mean every East Asian man that likes Keira Knightley is into hardcore porn

He could have been trying to boost her self esteem and affirm her, especially as she's a racial minority. Like "girls who play football are the best aren't they", but I agree that in general adults (especially of the opposite gender) shouldn't be talking about attractiveness in kids at all. Imo this could truly be sinister, or it could equally have just come across all wrong with no pedo element.

OP, you need to report this to the police.

He teaches other children the guitar.

Your daughter might not be the only child he has done this to.

I'm a teacher and if a child came to me with this information at school, we'd be ringing the police immediately.

I know it's a very difficult situation as he's family, but you need to act to ensure he can't continue this behaviour with other young girls.

You don't need to speak to him about it. You just phone the police, disclose what your daughter has said, and let them deal with it.

I'm so sorry this has happened to your daughter, and to your family. Well done for trusting your instincts.

Yes. Trust your gut

Well done on spotting the signs. Be prepared for the possibility of further disclosures. Make sure you request a Sarah’s law disclosure asap from
the police, tell the school what has happened and contact social services.

OP is in a very tricky situation, if she confronts him he will explain it all away, be offended & outraged, lots of people will by default take his side & feel sorry for him perceiving him to be the victim of others who have tried to ruin his reputation. Very often people will side with the man even if they know he did abuse the child they feel sorry for him now that he's been exposed.
They do it because they know they can get away with it, they know how easy it is to discredit a child, how readily others will side with a man.

I had a chat with DD. She admitted he told her to sit on his lap so he can help with the guitar, positioning her hands etc.

I had guitar lessons at that age with a man. There was never any need for any physical contact whatsoever. We sat apart both holding our guitars. There was definitely never a need for me to sit on his lap!

Just seen your last post, OP. Well done for having a chat with your daughter and so sorry your fears are a reality. Thank goodness you clicked before something worse happened. Best of luck dealing with this situation.

My god, OP, this is horrific — absolutely textbook grooming and he’s done the classic thing of making your DD feel complicit and crossing boundaries it in plain view to try and normalise the abuse. As PPs have said, remember that he will deny it, use DARVO, and try and make you feel like you’re being crazy/unreasonable/hysterical. Do not have him in your house again and please call the NSPCC as a matter of urgency for advice on what to do next. Personally I’d be reporting him to the police immediately — he is clearly a dangerous man and a risk to other children.

I read the update. So sorry OP. But your child will thank you. I feel sick about the lap-sitting, the fetishising of Asian girls and the special secret trainers. Very glad she told you.
What are the next steps? Does he have access to other girls who may not be so lucky?

Even in the extremely unlikely event that this is innocent this man hasn't an iota of common sense !!!!? That alone would worry me. Doesn't he understand boundaries and appropriate behaviour. I didn't like the sound of it from your first post and now it sounds just awful poor you and DD. You are doing the right thing..he sounds vile.

It's time to have some gentle conversations with your daughter. Maybe you could phrase it as if a male teacher behaves inappropriately, what she should do? And lead up to her own behaviour.
Keep a close eye, OP. Better safe than sorry.
Perhaps it's all innocent, but if it's not, then you will always have regrets, that you should have Done something.
Look at getting her guitar lessons at school, if it's a possibility.

No no no.
Trust your gut

I'd say trust your gut. I agree with others who have said to call out the behaviour (even in a jokey way) to set boundaries for him and her.

He has showered her with flattery, gifts etc, promising her fame & fortune, all this makes it VERY hard for her to complain about anything he does or see it in anything BUT a good light. Had he gotten away with having her sit on his lap in company he'd have known he had a green light to take things further. He would have known that her parents trusted HIM completely so if she ever spoke out she'd not be believed.

This is sickening. When I read about her sitting on his lap my heart sunk. I am sure you have covered this but be very clear on personal boundaries and age appropriate behaviour but reinforce she is not to blame for any of his grooming behaviours unfortunately the poor child can't even trust her uncle to not have an ulterior motive. Thank god though you were around to pick up on that sign and didn't just brush it off. Sorry you are having to deal with this though. It is no wonder that women everywhere are 'choosing the bear'.