DD and her uncle...AIBU to feel uncomfortable?

I'd draw no conclusions but end the lessons now and take him off your dds phone. You can say an opportunity for tuition elsewhere came up and you've realised her dad and yourself should be the only adults on her phone. Don't take up any offers that leave them alone together. Avoid, avoid, avoid.

When I was about 11 I walked into my living room and without invitation, sat on my mother's boyfriend's lap. I still don't know why I did it. Some kind of teenage hormonal thing, trying to have some kind of effect, I don't know. I don't look into my motivations too deeply.

Anyways, the guy's face went bright red, he leaned back, pushed me off immediately and my mother told me off in no uncertain terms and sent me to bed.

Don't know why but your account took me back to that memory. I really don't think a guy who is not a bio relative should have a pre pubescent girl on his lap.

@Itsmychristmasdress

“I read the comment as Asian girls are more attractive to Caucasian men because of the awful stereotypes of "Asian schoolgirl" that you often see in borderline "pornography/child sa images.”

I thought the exact same. Creepy white men who have a sexual interest in underage Asian girls is an absolute thing.

Trust your instincts and act on them. Has she explained why she sat on his laps at all?

Stop the lessons immediately. Get DD a new teacher so she's not missing out on that. Stop any messaging between them.

I would keep the creepy uncle well away from her. I'd also be concerned that he's a guitar teacher, so generally has access to children?

Don't set up a nanny cam ffs. You don't need 'proof' and if you get it, then it's already too late. Just end the lessons, end contact between them, and make sure that he is never ever left with her alone and unsupervised.

Just to further add from my own experience, when I was a young teenager, my mum used to take me to my aunties house a lot after school and my uncle (aunties DH) always made me feel quite uncomfortable but no one ever said anything. He would make comments about how big my boobs are getting or jokingly hit my bum to say it's big. There was more and more each time. However, I had so much love for him because of the relationship in the family and always thought maybe he doesn't mean it in a bad way. However, if that was my daughter and a grown man did that in front of me, believe me I would make a scene. The point is OP trust your gut. What looks innocent isn't always innocent.

I am always suspicious of a grown men giving too much attention or gifts to a young girl & when you said she sat on his lap, that just shouted red flags to me. If I was you OP I would put an end to all this. Even if it's innocent, you're better making a mistake and knowing your daughter is safe then letting something happen to her to avoid making it awkward for others.

Yes, this. She objects to one discriminatory comment and substitutes it with another one. In Nigeria, are most groomers also white? It really seems some people can´t imagine the world different beyond their backyard.
With respect to the op, I would engage with your daughter about what is appropriate and what isn´t now that she is entering teen years. And also engage with your stepbrother. If still not happy get another guitar teacher. Oh, and nanny camera good idea in this case.

DH and I are very close to my niece. She's 17 now. When she comes to our house with my sister she always rushes in and hugs both me and DH. She occasionally will still come and sit on my knee and cuddle me too. She doesn't sit on DH knee though. We do buy her things and help pay for bigger stuff for her like school trips because we can afford it and all my DC are adults now and she's and my Foster son are both 17 but the youngest in our wider extended family so they both get treated a lot. I'd allow the guitar lessons to continue but be in the room too. Say you want to see how she makes progress. I'd just be watchful at this point.

*perverted

Just stop the lessons and any other contact unless you are present at all times. He is grooming her ready to sexually abuse her or he is already abusing her. No pussyfooting around needed. And why would you appeal to his better nature when you suspect he has a prrverted attraction to her?

As others have said, I have a DSD who is 12 and very affectionate and loving but no way would she just go on sit on someone's knee, not even her Dads. I wouldn't be happy at all with this OP...

I know women get harassed but as a half Chinese woman the amount of harassment received throughout my life is huge. There is such a disposition towards Asian girls and women and it’s called yellow fever, serious research papers have explored this. Obviously a child abuser will target children regardless of race but I’m warning you how some men have a taste for Asian women and girls.

I would say listen to your gut, does he treat other children in the family the same or is he just spoiling her.

It sounds like your spidey senses are tingly, and I would trust them. Keep doing what you are doing, staying vigilant and keeping a close eye on the situation. Your awareness suggests you are very capable of safeguarding your daughter if need be. It may be innocent, but no harm in keeping a close eye.

In the world or in the UK where most people are actually white anyway?

I agree. Thats all a bit weird. Listen to your gut

I read the comment as Asian girls are more attractive to Caucasian men because of the awful stereotypes of "Asian schoolgirl" that you often see in borderline "pornography/child sa images.

Indeed. This is an example of how racism puts kids at risk. If you’re so focused on the idea of one community being the predators you’ll miss the groomers in your own.

Thats odd IMO, he is not just complimentary of his own race, he is giving his preference to which race of women he finds attractive. Such a weird comment. Creepy uncle isn’t a well known thing for no reason.

Groomers groom the whole family by pushing boundaries to see how far they can go. It's called abuse in plain sight. I think this is what the uncle did with his comment about looks and seeing what happens when your DD sat on his lap.

It's too close to grooming for my liking. Id find a new guitar teacher and talk to your daughter about boundaries.

12 yo can and do develop crushes. Most men just ignore it and get on with life. A few use the opportunity to abuse them.

The fact she sat on his lap says nothing about him. You should definitely keep an eye, but don't jump to accuse him just because she's behaving inappropriately, don't blame him for a 12yo's behaviour unless and until you have something he has actually done which is inappropriate.

Why would you say that? Do you think nonces are these rare unicorns that only exist in the pages of The Daily Mail? 1 in 6 children are abused, these predators are more common than anyone would like to think.

It is sickening what that poster said. I worked in social services and can assure you familial abuse is not more prevalent in South Asian or any other communities moreso than white. You don’t need to have worked in SS to know this just have some basic common sense. The implication that if the uncle is eg. a white man or non-Asian, she’s less at risk - is vile and baseless .

Exactly. People like @EmilyTjP put it on the child- SHE has a ‘crush’, as if it’s something the child is doing to an innocent adult, not the other way around.