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AIBU?

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Original poster

Having to wait for everyone's lifts after work

344 replies

Tired75643 · 06/05/2024 23:50

I'm a team leader in a pub, I regularly work the evening shifts and have to set the alarm and lock up once everyone has finished and left. Generally it'll be me and one other member of staff at the end of the night finishing, some drive home, some (like me) get taxis and wait at the back of the pub.
Recently we've had a couple of new staff start who rely on lifts from parents when they finish, the problem is they are waiting about 20-30 minutes for them once we're finished. Both are younger girls who don't feel safe waiting outside alone, which is understandable. I obviously can't lock the door until they're outside so I have to wait with them but this is adding half an hour onto my shift when I just want to get home and go to bed, my taxi only usually takes 5 minutes to get there.
I talked to the manager about it and his answer was just tell them to wait outside and go....but I really don't want to leave 19 year old girls on their own late at night when they don't feel safe. I also don't want to be waiting at work longer than I need to, unpaid, after a long shift.
I've tried telling them when it looks like they're half an hour away from finishing so they can call their lifts but there always seems to be a delay, and there's no guarantee what time we will finish so they can't set a specific time.
AIBU to ask my manager to either sort
something out with the staff members
or let me stay clocked in until I can actually lock up and find some extra tasks so I'm at least being paid to be there?

OP posts:
nobodysdaughter · 10/05/2024 15:04

Well I reckon the difficult WOMANS days are probably numbered anyway. We've probably all worked alongside someone difficult and entitled like this WOMAN (the amount of times a 19 year old is referred to as a "child" on this thread is astounding!) and the upshot is usually, it isn't the job for them. Hopefully your manager can see this for what it is.
I do wonder if you're finding it difficult to kick some stroppy 19 year old off the premises, how you deal with getting drunk patrons to leave?
Also why are you somehow immune to something happening while you wait alone, and yet they are not?

Original poster
Tired75643 · 10/05/2024 15:04

ChangeAgain2 · 10/05/2024 14:46

@Tired75643 is there some nepotism going on? Did she get the job because she is related to the manager or a friend of the family? I just wondered why the manager would let this continue.

I think he's just of the same opinion of everyone here, and myself that 19 year old working should be able to look after themselves and it wasn't his problem. Which I agree with, it's just difficult when your faced with locking out a scared looking young woman ( or possibly CF)

OP posts:
Humannat · 10/05/2024 14:57

OnehundredStars · 06/05/2024 23:53

You are kind to wait and I would. But by staying on you are making it seem ok to the staff to make you wait (I would wait outside with them and see their parents and explain that this is the last time)

Why’s the finishing time so irregular?

Could they have a set time to finish and OP finish up any last bar reset and head straight home?

I think your comment goes too far the other way in being in accommodating

shenandoahvalley · 10/05/2024 14:54

And there you have it: very angry text from her dad saying she'd been locked out (she hadn't). That's a parent who is expecting others to do his job (keeping his child safe) for him, for free, and getting angry when they don't. Literally as though the world owes his child a living!

Do let us know what your manager says to this man. I'm hoping it'll be along the lines of "I can't make OP stay beyond her contracted hours, she's entitled to lock up and go home as soon as she's finished". Other than bluster and shirking his responsibilities, there's nothing the dad can say to that.

And my goodness I hope that 19yo girl is cringing herself inside out to have her dad advocating for her. Old enough to serve alcohol, not old enough to look after herself or talk to her manager herself. Pathetic.

ChangeAgain2 · 10/05/2024 14:46

@Tired75643 is there some nepotism going on? Did she get the job because she is related to the manager or a friend of the family? I just wondered why the manager would let this continue.

dontbelievewhatyousee · 10/05/2024 14:45

I used to work as a 16 year old in a shop. Closing time everyone went outside and it was locked up. I wouldn’t have expected someone to wait until my parents came to pick me up.

ChangeAgain2 · 10/05/2024 14:43

If she's not listening and not following instructions she needs to be sacked. If you and your manager allows this to happen then its totally undermining your authority. You aren't managing anyone.

comingintomyown · 10/05/2024 14:28

Honestly, I know I am old the really the youth of today! She stood scrolling on her phone ? I would have said “I’m leaving now and locking up so unless you want to be locked in with the alarm set you need to wait outside. Just like I told you a couple of days ago”

Cofaki · 10/05/2024 14:27

I would just sack the one who refuses to leave and is rude to you.

At 19 I was living on my own, working full time and frequently in dodgy areas at night with no mobile phone because they didn't exist then.

These women will be fine. Just tell them and do your job as a team leader. At the moment you are letting them walk all over you.

Brefugee · 10/05/2024 14:19

Tired75643 · 10/05/2024 14:17

Last thing to add as I keep remembering things people have asked. Although for the 'finishers' the finish can vary there is usually someone working until 9 or 10 pm, I did ask my manager if they could just be swapped to that shift and it would solve the issue entirely as they would have a set time and no need to be outside but he said no .

that's not fair on the other person and your manager was right to say "no".

I see the always-parents one is usually ok. Make sure she is ALWAYS ok. (as with other pp, whenever i picked up my YA DCs i made sure i was there promptly, or early and waited.) the other one? harden up.

Brefugee · 10/05/2024 14:17

One of them is always parents collecting, the more difficult one is sometimes parents, sometimes friends, avoids my eye when I'm waiting and generally palms me off with excuses and I can't physically remove her from the building.

c'mon OP, stop being a pushover.

Tell them, in clear words, that they are taking the piss and that you won't do it any more. 5 Minutes after you want to leave you say "I'm locking up now, i'm going home" and shove the one who is there through the door.

don't say "sorry, i think you'll have to... " or anything. Be firm. Be clear. Be mindful that you are extending them a courtesy nobody else is, and they are being bloody rude to you.

Remind them they are adult enough to get a job in a pub. Next step in adulting is arranging your lifts.

How does it work though? When do you order your taxi? is the taxi waiting for you? or do they get picked up then you wait for your taxi to arrive? How can you not see this is batshit?

If you want to add to "I'm locking up now, you have to wait outside" you could say "you owe me 50 quid for the taxi waiting fares up to now". To drive the point home.

Original poster
Tired75643 · 10/05/2024 14:17

Last thing to add as I keep remembering things people have asked. Although for the 'finishers' the finish can vary there is usually someone working until 9 or 10 pm, I did ask my manager if they could just be swapped to that shift and it would solve the issue entirely as they would have a set time and no need to be outside but he said no .

OP posts:
drusth · 10/05/2024 14:16

Glad the manager is getting involved. If she refuses to leave at closing time then she needs to be sacked. Better to do it sooner rather than later.

Original poster
Tired75643 · 10/05/2024 14:14

Just to add the reason they didn't want to get taxis is just the cost, I live a 5 minute drive away and it costs £7, if they are further away it probably wipes out a good chunk of their evening shift. But again that's something to think about before taking the job

OP posts:
Original poster
Tired75643 · 10/05/2024 14:12

Wasn't expecting more replies but glad for even more feedback! To be clear I also think they're old enough to sort themselves and wait outside, but I do also see why they wouldn't feel safe alone. It's not a particularly rough area but it's isolated, everything else around is shut well before us so it can be a bit creepy alone in the dark.
They aren't asking me to wait with them as such rather that they want to wait inside, which means I can't set the alarm and leave. The first couple of times I let it go with wanting to be welcoming to new team, not leave them outside after their first shift. After that I explained about waiting outside and they would say oh it's only going to be a few minutes can we just stay inside? A few minutes would turn into 10, 20 etc. One of them is always parents collecting, the more difficult one is sometimes parents, sometimes friends, avoids my eye when I'm waiting and generally palms me off with excuses and I can't physically remove her from the building.

After all the advice I messaged them both with a few days warning I would be locking up, waiting my 5-10 minutes for taxi outside and they need to sort themselves accordingly. One of them said she would sort it and apologised for keeping me up, the guilt trip one didn't reply.... the next shift I worked with her she was difficult all shift, not listening to me etc and come finish time of course refused to leave. I was stood at alarm ready and she was not budging, she then just stood scrolling on her phone refusing to engage until someone arrived for her 15 minutes later. The next day my manager had a very angry text from her dad about her being locked out so he will now finally be stepping in to sort it out.

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 10/05/2024 14:12

Thelnebriati · 10/05/2024 13:23

The most obvious solution is for the business to provide a taxi home in unsociable hours.

Yes, but then OP will have to wait for them while they wait for the taxi to arrive.

shenandoahvalley · 10/05/2024 14:00

This is every shade of wrong!

They're 19yo. If they're old enough to work in a pub/bar, they're old enough to be accountable for themselves and take responsibility for themselves. They're treating you like their parent.

Similarly, their parents are pushing their parenting duties (if they want to still be actively parenting their 19yo children) onto you.

Between the girls and their parents and you, you are the LEAST responsible for them. First is themselves, second is their parents. You're only responsible for some things relating to them, during your work hours.

(It's good of you to look out for them like this, but they're taking advantage of you. I would suggest they work shifts where they can organise their transport arrangements without impacting other members of staff).

catchthebeat · 10/05/2024 13:46

They're adults! They can sort this out themselves. We need to stop infantilising grown women and men.
It's certainly not up to you to "talk to their parents".

WittiestUsernameEver · 10/05/2024 13:41

Maybe you should wait until the parents turn up...AND THEN get the parents and girls to wait for YOU to get a taxi ...
They won't wait...

WittiestUsernameEver · 10/05/2024 13:37

Thelnebriati · 10/05/2024 13:23

The most obvious solution is for the business to provide a taxi home in unsociable hours.

No it isn't...

ButterCrackers · 10/05/2024 13:28

Brefugee · 10/05/2024 13:19

you know what time closing time is. Then you should allow a bit of clearing up time and then collect your daughter. Not outsource her safety to another adult.

Show quote history

I had a similar situation and arrived at the venue a set time after the finishing time (add on 30mins or so). I waited in a designated safe place. Easy.

BettyBardMacDonald · 10/05/2024 13:27

Thelnebriati · 10/05/2024 13:23

The most obvious solution is for the business to provide a taxi home in unsociable hours.

The obvious solution is for the workers to arrange that the people providing their lifts arrive early, and wait as necessary.

Or for the workers to pay for their own taxis.

ChocolateMudcake · 10/05/2024 13:24

You're not being unreasonable.

But I wouldn't feel safe leaving somewhere at that time alone, either, and I'm in my 30s. I definitely wouldn't expect a teenager to do it. Anyone suggesting they should put up with it are forgetting that for girls and women there's additional stress around getting home safely.

That doesn't mean it's fair on you, at all. Perhaps they need to be looking at this as a company and ensuring those who are in this situation either finish with a set time or ensuring it's different people finishing with them so it's not always on you to do this.

Thelnebriati · 10/05/2024 13:23

The most obvious solution is for the business to provide a taxi home in unsociable hours.

Brefugee · 10/05/2024 13:19

Help201602 · 10/05/2024 11:26

I have this exact issue except I am the parent waiting to get the call to say come and collect my 20 year old. The issue is they don’t know when they will finish so can’t phone for the lift until then. There is no public transport that time of night. We sit waiting around for the call.

Either they have a set finish time so they can be collected, or your boss should pay you for waiting around.

My daughter would be scared on her own, thank you for caring. All these people saying they are adults, that’s true but they are young woman, outside a pub with drunks, in the dark, they can feel quite vulnerable, and us parents are waiting to hear when the pub will be closed, no set times, it’s a nightmare.

you know what time closing time is. Then you should allow a bit of clearing up time and then collect your daughter. Not outsource her safety to another adult.