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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For asking her to delete the Facebook photos?

60 replies

Charl1991 · 06/05/2024 23:27

It was my DD’s christening last weekend and my sister took pictures throughout the ceremony and posted them to Facebook, I aw them a couple of days later as I don’t log in often.

We don’t ban pics of DD being posted to social media and don’t mind my sister posting the odd pic. We took some group family pics after the baptism which I plan to send to her and may not mind being shared. But I didn’t want pics of the actual baptism taken and shared, I wanted it to be private. Plus I don’t look good in candid photos and these ones are somewhat unflattering, DH hates how he looks in them too, you can’t see DD very well.

I didn’t think much of messaging her to ask if she would take the pics down, saying we’re not keen on them being on Facebook for all to see.

I’ve had loads of messages back telling me how unreasonable it is of me to ask, she’s really upset, it’s a free country she can post what she wants to her own facebook, it was a public place, I’m crazy for asking and it’s a bizarre request, and I’m vain for asking because I look bad in the picture, I always post posed ‘pouty’ pictures to try and look more attractive online and it’s pathetic. (Truthfully I barely share pics of myself to social media at all but never candid ones, usually nice ones smiling).

She did take it down but I wish I had never asked now, after all this. I thought it was normal to ask for take downs for whatever reason but she’s totally vilified and embarrassed me for it.

AIBU and was I wrong to have asked her to take them down?

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Charl1991 · 12/05/2024 14:34

@hot2trotteryou haven’t read the post properly. I don’t post pouty photos or selfies on social media, not at all. My sister said that as an insult. I post about one picture every 6 months but they will all be me smiling with friends or partner.

I don’t post unflattering pictures from events that I didn’t know were being taken….. because who would?

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BobbyBiscuits · 10/05/2024 20:43

I guess she was embarrassed and upset as she liked the photos and probably thought you and others would too. But no need to be so rude to you. She did take them down. I hope you won't fall out over it though.

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/05/2024 20:39

Of course YANBU.

Whatever happened to politely asking people before posting their lives all over the place. Just, rude.

MummyToOneRainbowAndOneAngel · 10/05/2024 20:37

People responding seem to be honing in on OP’s motive for asking for the photos to be taken down. But so what if it IS about the way she and her husband look? Does that really matter?
If a close friend or family member asked me to take down a photo because they hated the way they looked in it, I would take it down in a heartbeat. The point about her ex seeing it I can totally relate to. No one wants to bump into their ex on a bad hair day and if you could control that, you would. Why is it any different to not want them to see an unflattering photo of you?
I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all, OP, though depending on how you phrased the request, you might have confused your sister. If it’s really more about you, tell her. If you think she wouldn’t take it down if you told her how you really felt about it, then that is really sad, but would be her being unreasonable, not you.

hot2trotter · 08/05/2024 22:37

So it's nothing to do with your DD being in the photos then, it's actually that you want her to take the photos down because you didn't have chance to pose, pout, and I assume use a filter? Are you 14?

Bookkeepermum · 08/05/2024 20:47

I don't post pictures of my children of Facebook. My sister has put the odd picture up in the past and I've asked to to delete them or cover my children with an emoji which she has. I've not had an issue since and she completely respects my decision.
You are not being unreasonable!

Tomatina · 08/05/2024 20:29

Haven't read the thread, but YANBU. She should not have put any photos up without asking you first. I just can't understand why people imagine it is OK to do this, it's arrogant as well as intrusive.

Floortile · 08/05/2024 20:10

I can't see why anyone would post photos of other people, especially when it wasn't the posters own event.

Createausername1970 · 08/05/2024 20:09

I personally think it's out of order to put ANY photos on social media of anyone other than yourself, without checking it's OK.

I am a fairly private person and I dislike photos of me being shared, flattering or otherwise. I don't post photos of myself, so I fail to see why anyone else thinks they can.

AdoraBell · 08/05/2024 20:07

YANBU at all.

BirthdayRainbow · 08/05/2024 20:03

Charl1991 · 07/05/2024 08:36

I did have a ban on all photos of DD when she was born but this sister was upset about it as she said she loves sharing life updates online, so I said I didn’t mind the odd pic.

I do have that setting where I can’t be tagged so maybe could have just left it like that (and kept the peace!) but all our family could still see the pics, and mutual friends, and my sister doesn’t have her Facebook set to private. I do think I’m being a bit vain (and DH) but I also don’t see why horrible pics need to be online

That was your mistake. Your baby. You shouldn't have given in to your sister.

Runkle · 08/05/2024 20:01

Next time make it clear beforehand! If she's got form then make your boundaries clear before she starts snapping and posting.

Nigglenaggle · 08/05/2024 19:56

You should have made it clear beforehand if it was a problem. I'm not surprised she's upset. As others have said, it does seem like you just didn't like the photos and are using your dd as an excuse.

CountingCrones · 08/05/2024 19:56

I was on your side completely when I thought it was about protecting your baby’s privacy by not putting photos online.

However, as it’s just because it bothers your vanity that you aren’t photographed from a flattering angle, YABU. It’s hypocritical to allow her to post some but not all.

MuddlingMackem · 08/05/2024 19:53

YANBU.

My youngest DC had a lot of eSafety sessions at primary school. Her main takeaway from the first one - age around 7 - was that her dad and I are not allowed to post photos of her online if she doesn't agree with it. And she was right.

If a then 7 year old could grasp that concept your adult sister has no excuse!

takemeawayagain · 08/05/2024 19:49

If you didn't like yourself in them then of course it's reasonable to ask her to take down the ones with you in.

I really don't get the fuss of a picture of a baby on the internet. No one needs to go on the internet to see a picture of a baby or a child, they can go to their nearest park or beach or even just walk down the road - and they can freely take pictures of any of them. The real danger is children being allowed to use the internet, not someone putting up a few pictures from a christening. People need to be worrying a lot more about the access their kids have to the internet as that is far, far more dangerous.

beanii · 08/05/2024 19:36

Just let her post them - she's a proud aunt showing off her nieces christening - it's not like you weren't going to post photos 🤷🏻‍♀️

This is more about your vanity.

Charl1991 · 07/05/2024 18:01

@CantDealwithChristmas she doesn’t like being told what to do or criticised in any way, everyone is always too toeing around her not to upset her

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Charl1991 · 07/05/2024 17:59

@Luxell934 I didn’t pose it as a safeguarding issue I said I don’t like those pictures will you take them down?

@Shopper727 i don’t post pouting picture, just smiling ones where I’m looking at the camera as opposed to ones I didn’t know were being taken? My sister threw an insult at me that I shouldn’t only post flattering pictures saying she still posted pictures when she was fat

OP posts:
Charl1991 · 07/05/2024 17:55

@LadyHavelockVetinari thank you for sharing this, I think we need to seriously assess generally whether we should have any pics of DD online

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Charl1991 · 07/05/2024 17:54

@paintingvenice i didn’t make out it was to protect our child at all

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KreedKafer · 07/05/2024 16:09

YANBU.

My sister loves taking photos (and she's a genuinely good photographer) but she never asks before posting an entire album of a family event on Facebook and although I'm not particularly bothered about social media privacy, I am very self-conscious about some aspects of my appearance and there are some pictures that just make me feel like absolute shit. Yet she gets really arsey if anyone asks her to take a picture down, makes snide remarks about them being precious/vain etc.

To make matters worse, she really judges people who post selfies. So she seems to think it's OK for her to have full control over what images of people she posts, but if the same people want to post a picture that they had control over, she'll sneer.

QueenBitch666 · 07/05/2024 15:52

She should have asked your permission before posting. It's manners to check

Coffeegincarbs · 07/05/2024 15:24

Your DC, your choice - and she ought to respect that as the child's parent. I wouldn't post pics of kids who aren't mine, even relatives (DNs)!

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 07/05/2024 15:19

Blimey, she’s a giant twat.