DH got drunk with my daughter(his stepdaughter) and her friend

https://www.drinkaware.co.uk/advice-and-support/underage-drinking/teenage-drinking

so an adult got two teenage girls drunk and allowed / encouraged them or at least approved it. I despair. Never mind the inappropriateness of it.

@Megifer good on your mum and thankfully she didn't send you round with a few cans to have a drink and discuss paedophilia with him.

Op what is anti Muslim hate?

He sounds like an idiot or a creep or both.

Yes. One of the biggest fallacy around alcohol is the normalisation early in life will result in you being sensible later. In my experience it just isn't the case and research backs it up. It's usually because the adults have a dysfunctional relationship with alcohol. As is the case here. Getting drunk with two non blood related underage girls and discussing those subjects. Even if he isn't actually a creep he is stupid. Who would even dream of doing that. How can you even have those conversations as a male with an underage friend of your step daughter.
There is no situation what so ever where this should not be of genuine concern to you.

Also know these types of Dads. Had a friend with a stepdad like this and we all felt it was weird but we also felt very grown up. At one point my mum stopped me going round and I was obviously very angry but now I'm older I see why obviously. I feel so uneasy about it all now 😔

Are you a part of some seedy child grooming ring where you swap drunk teen girls between homes (and between unrelated males)?
Pouring a 16yo a glass of wine at a wedding or giving a bottle of beer at a BBQ is one thing... But my mind just can't wrap around the pre-planning and all the intentional arrangements to supply these 14 (?) year olds with alcohol.
A bunch of creeps!

When I was that age I had a friend who's dad would be abit like this, all 'hey girls, look how cool I am, I'll treat you like adults and let you have a drink' he probably thought we all fancied him.....we all just felt incredibly uncomfortable and found him creepy, and after a couple of times me and a few others stopped going to her house as even as teenagers we felt he was overstepping some boundaries, your DH sounds abit like this.

So you were not actively involved in supervising them then? You are negligent and he's inappropriate at best and a certifiable creep at worst.

I'm a dad to two girls, now both adults. If they went to someone else's for a sleepover it was always arranged with the mum. If I ever knew my daughter had been solely under the supervision of a man she wouldn't have been allowed back. When my daughters had friends for a sleepover I kept myself as much out the way as reasonably practical. They might come into the lounge and say hi (I'd known most of the friends since nursery) but I would never have joined them in their room. I also never got drunk in front of my kids, friends or no friends present.

Dont have any issues with topics discussed tbh. Regarding your dhs drinking with them, i honestly don't know, what did the two girls think?

But how do you know what subjects were discussed?

So you left them for 2 hours, during which your partner allowed / encouraged your daughter to have more alcohol than you had said she could, and discussed all sorts of inappropriately topics.

I think you know what this is.

I remember having sleepovers with creepy dads / older brothers around. They were perverts who tried to act "cool" around teenage girls to feed their egos and their dreams. We happily led them on but knew they were pathetic really.

Poor kids. Being talked AT by a drunk man on subjects they probably weren't planning on discussing together because he decided to be THAT MAN.
At this point I would be reassessing my relationship and looking for other signs (but I have experienced CSA & admit this may cloud my judgment)

Voted YABU as there is absolutely no reason to give 14/15 year olds alcohol. A drink with dinner perhaps but just drinking the 2 of them at a sleepover is completely unnecessary and sends out very unhealthy messages about needing alcohol to have fun.
Oh, and your partner is also a perv

Given how much we know about the side effects of alcohol and its long-term effects, I don't understand why alcohol has to be even involved for 14 year olds' sleepover?
It also appears that your husband and you are not on the same page regarding this as he clearly allowed your daughter to exceed her limits. He was obviously not a responsible parent, which is very very odd. Did he explain his actions?

with regards to your daughter, how did she finish a whole bottle while you were putting your son to sleep? Has she been given a punishment or an open conversation about her actions? Wonder if her friend has said anything to her parents.

I don't understand the situation. Was it just your DH with the two girls?

If the other parents were there and they all got a bit tipsy & garrulous, that's one thing. If it's just one adult man, in somebody else's house, with two drunk teenage girls, then no matter the conversation, it's ... weird.

What was he supposed to be doing while the kids played grown-up?

Please rethink your approach. There is really a lot of evidence now that giving even small amounts at home at this age has the opposite effect to the one you intend. Children who drink alcohol at home with parents, even small amounts, are more likely to binge-drink with their friends and to develop problematic drinking habits than children who are not allowed to drink it at home. You need to stop this.

Why were you putting your son to bed at 11pm?

Surely if he needs putting to bed he should have been going to bed much earlier

Then YOU would have been able to monitor your disgusting old pervert of a husband and tell him to stfu

🤢

Going against the grain to say I don’t think YABU for letting your DD and friend (with her parents permission) have a drink in your home.

I don’t think it’s as black and white to say you shouldn’t normalise underage drinking. Just because you don’t normalise it, doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen.

My mother had an absolute zero tolerance policy on drinking alcohol which resulted in me and my mates drinking far too much on the streets and getting ourselves into extremely dangerous situations.

He has broken your trust, with your child and another child, never forget that.

If this isn’t the most serious kind of grooming, I don’t know what is… get him away from the children! If you do not, you will be complicit and partly responsible for anything that happens.

People always say they let kids drink at a young age to get them to see it as not a big deal (I don't agree with this). But that obviously is not working for you op . As your daughter did not have the ability to refuse more alcohol from her stepdad . And if she can not at home then she probably won't be sensible outside of your home.
I would worry about them telling school friends they got drunk with her step dad

What we're his reasons for wanting your dd to get pissed like that?

What's he saying about it all now?

I think it’s creepy and I wouldn’t want this man around my daughter or her friends. That’s not how someone in a fatherly position of trust and authority behaves.