DH got drunk with my daughter(his stepdaughter) and her friend

This is pretty weird. Half a bottle of WKD for a young person under 16? Alcohol is so toxic for the body, let alone the developing body and brain of a young person. Your dh behaved like an idiot that night. And drunkenly expressing his views on those particular subjects with two young girls is awful.

@TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled hi this is op on another acc as i got logged out sadly. basically she told me the next day and was absolutely horrified about what he was saying and was pretty aware his behaviour was odd. she was embarrassed to say the least..

how did your dd tell you?

Your husband decided to gatecrash a young teen sleepover, get pissed and discuss paedophilia
And give her more to dribk than her mum specified. sounds like grooming doesnt it…

@Whitewatergrafting hi! yea this post has made me gain some perspective on how i shouldve had my own individual thought process rather going with the norm. i didnt offer it, my DD asked, i would never offer her alcohol. not that it makes it much better but just extra context really

Red flag. I bet he got a kick out of it. Creepy AF

@MrsSkylerWhite hi! this is op on another acc as i was logged out:) my son is unsettled so it took him from like 9pm to sleep as he was ill and had a cold and everything. to my knowledge they started drinking at about 9:30pm-11:30pm. i definitely should of checked and i admit i was wrong for not so hope that clears things up

Where I grew up it was normal too for 14 year olds to drink back I the 90s. We weren’t ready at all and it led to binge drinking etc etc etc honestly a shit start to adulthood.

this is the reason I don’t allow my kids to drink and wouldn’t let them hang out with others who do.

good for you to get this sorted now

So you live in an area where drinking to excess in the home is the norm and you are simply perpetuating this and normalising it? It's literally weaning your DD and her friend on alcohol.

As for your plans to leave your DH, it sounds like there are other issues and this is the tip of the iceberg. I wish you well in gaining some perspective.

Sorry: you were putting a younger child to bed at 11pm?!

Well, how long did that take? Long enough for 3 people, one an adult, to get drunk and range through multiple, unsavoury subjects?

Sorry, sounds unlikely.

OP, your husband’s behaviour is worrying. He allowed your daughter more alcohol than you had said she was allowed (which frankly should have been none but others have covered that) and then got into discussions which, while not necessarily inappropriate since discussing things is good, are definitely topics that might make them feel more “adult.” This is exactly how grooming starts. Men who abuse teenage children don’t start by touching them, they start by making them feel like they are valued as “grown ups” so they can then “choose” what happens next. It stops children from understanding that they can’t consent and makes them less likely to report. It’s a classic grooming tool.

Look, it might have been wholly innocent and your husband might just be an idiot with no boundaries, but it’s a huge red flag and you have to have a chat with your daughter about your husband’s other behaviour in case more is going on in the background. I really hope not for your daughter and her friend’s sake. But you can’t immediately rule it out I’m afraid.

@JosiePosey hi this is op on another acc as i was logged out! they asked, i would never just offer alcohol.

@Onetiredbeing hi! this is op on another account. i cant quite tell how you mean "are you for real?" so if u could please explain, thatd be great👍

Did they ask to have alcohol or did you offer it up?

@alexdgr8 hi! this is the original poster on a different account as i was logged out. i never encouraged it, its normal in my area, my daughter hardly ever drinks, and it was originally only ever half a bottle of WKD, which DH then ignored and let her have more. its ofc up to you who you let your children around but i just wanted to clarify things

Are you for real ???

How long have you been married to him, OP?

@thesunday hi! this is the original poster on another account as i was logged out. to clarify, its pretty normal in my area to allow teenagers to drink at home and stuff, not that it makes it right but that was the thought process. and i was upstairs with my son.

Your DH sounds like a predator and you did nothing about it.

why on earth are you allowing, almost encouraging children to drink alcohol.
and that type, and quantity !
i would never let my child even visit a house like that, let alone stay overnight.
the whole thing is cock-eyed.

@Whitewatergrafting hi! this is the poster on another acc due to being logged out for some reason. i realise that it probably wasnt a great decision seeing other peoples views on it, its just whats common in my area specifically, not that it makes it right. and i do have plans to leave my DH due to this and other issues

If my DD had come home and told me that your DH got drunk with them and discussed what you described I’d have been having serious words with you and your DH. I’d also be having a talk with my DD about enforcing boundaries if she was uncomfortable. She also wouldn’t be back at your home given your DH thought it appropriate to get drunk with teenage girls. That’s wrong on so many levels.

Edited to add we never allowed alcohol at sleepovers.

@littleoldme1 hi! this is the original poster on a different account as i was for some reason logged out of that one. i originally allowed my daughter half a bottle of WKD, which then turned into that whole bottle and another bottle of Smirnoff ice, as much as thats not really a lot, my daughter doesnt weigh much meaning 2 bottles was likely a lot to her hence why i only sad half of a WKD

Sorry OP this is piss poor parenting on your part. Allowing 14-15 year old girls at a sleepover to drink. Why would you do that? To what end?

And then this little incident with your DH who sounds like an absolute creep and a dirty old pervert. We've all seen these type of men before.

Honestly what will you do about this?

Your husband was way out of line.

And why did you allow to under 16s to have a drink at a sleepover? And where were you while this happened?

This.

Can you 100% say nothing happened in the night? I'd be very interested know if he was in his bed all night, not creeping around or even actually trying something.