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Original poster

he cancelled again!

68 replies

Rachet01 · 06/05/2024 18:33

been seeing a guy for over a month. I do really like him and he phones me a lot and keeps in touch
we both have children and busy lives. plus the extra stress of us living an hr from each other
however its been working until recently

So he has now cancelled and flaked on 3 dates with me (that he arranged)

the first time he basically said he wanted to go gym after work and realised he wouldn't be back in time

Second time was last thursday as he said he was sorry but got caught up with work and needed to go shopping for his daughters bday. But he did phone me for 2 hrs that night instead. on the phone he kept saying when can he see me? i said well thats down to you and he suggested tonight yes this night now

So weve got on fine the last few days seems really into me but as I feared he cant see me tonight this time coz he has his daughter last minute

Now this time Im really annoyed. Its him who keeps arranging and then flaking

so i phoned him and he said his kid comes first which i agree with but i wanted to know why he keeps saying he wants to see me and then flakes?

he got annoyed and said well i cant just fuck everything off like you! erm I dont fuck anything off. I plan and arrange my time

So i told him its upsetting to keep being cancelled on especially when its him initiating the date.

I was annoyed and basically sent him a msg saying i felt upset and disappointed that hes done it again then a birdie finger emoji

he text me back saying i think we should just leave it there as im being abusive!

so yeah i probably did overreact but its not without good reason

now im annoyed that i've probably messed it up by sending that msg

OP posts:
Original poster
Rachet01 · 06/05/2024 19:16

i think i did it coz we literally had a conversation 2 days ago where i said please dont ask me to meet if you think theres a chance you wont
he said he wouldnt do that
but im not sure he even has his daughter and its just an excuse
i will get over it

OP posts:
Original poster
Rachet01 · 06/05/2024 19:13

yep agree with everyone
i shouldnt have sent that msg and just gracefully moved on and declined future dates
oh well its done now but after the messing about ive had i just saw red

OP posts:
existentialpain · 06/05/2024 19:13

Only a month in and he's cancelling left right and centre, you send him a rude gesture and he calls you abusive ???!!!!!

No hope at all. Just move on and try to communicate more maturely with any future partners.

Ohnodontwantthiscrush · 06/05/2024 19:10

It's over, it's far too early for that kind of overheated disagreement. You're not compatible. He's flaky and you're aggressive.

Just leave it now.

Next time try to keep a cool head but raise your standards way higher. Why were you ok with the first two late cancels? I would have calmly stepped away after being cancelled for the gym - it's not on to leave you at a loose end. If I really liked him and if he pursued me I may have given him one more chance but with a brief "that sort of thing doesn't work for me" and if there was a repeat performance I'd be gone with no explanation.

HRTQueen · 06/05/2024 19:03

Telling you he would rather go to the gym so early on tells you everything you need to know

block him move on and don’t give these men chances even if they seem nice

Strictlymad · 06/05/2024 19:01

Cancelling cuz parent dies/house burns down etc no problem. Can calling cuz he’s fancying the gym and isn’t organised to buy presents in advance… nope

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 06/05/2024 19:00

Rachet01 · 06/05/2024 18:44

yes we have spent lots of time together previously to his flakiness

He has met someone else but is keeping his options open. Sorry.

Rumplemunchkin · 06/05/2024 18:58

a birdie finger emoji

I think if you’d sent any decent person this emoji they’d run a mile, you sound very intense tbh. It’s only been a month for goodness sake.

CommentNow · 06/05/2024 18:57

SENparent96 · 06/05/2024 18:45

It isn’t just ‘the gym’ for some people, for me it’s an extremely important part of my daily routine for my mental health. I wouldn’t be binning the gym off for someone I’ve known a month.

Show quote history

He wasn't binning the gym off for her though, he was binning her off for the gym after they had made plans.

Noone is debating the importance of exercise, the point is that he failed to plan his time.

SamW98 · 06/05/2024 18:56

Hes not into you and doesn’t see you as a priority

Your response was extremely childish but if was a damp squib anyway so it’s not worth stressing over.

Next

Roundandroundthegard3n · 06/05/2024 18:56

The daughter thing fair enough, but you're also less important than the gym.

You ask if you've messed it up - messed what up? the chance to get cancelled on by a flake who doesn't really care if he sees you or not?

Lavender14 · 06/05/2024 18:54

I think he's made it clear that dating you isn't a priority to him or he would have organised his time to make sure it happened, eg skipping the gym to be there in time, arranged his dds bday present in advance etc. So I personally wouldn't be wasting any more time on him. But I also wouldn't be giving him the finger because that's not a good look for you. Just block delete and move on with your head held high.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 06/05/2024 18:54

You just need to move on. I could understand him cancelling for his kids but he cancelled the first time to go to the gym. You should have sacked him off then but you allowed him to cancel a second time to go shopping. It’s irrelevant that he said it was for dd’s birthday, if he really wanted to see you he would have planned his time better.

He has made it very clear that you are right at the bottom of his list of priorities but handy to talk to when it suits. I think you should look at why you’re willing to overlook this kind of treatment before you start chatting with another potential partner. There is better out there for you than this.

ToxicChristmas · 06/05/2024 18:53

If its this hard so early on, it's absolutely not worth bothering.

Londonscallingme · 06/05/2024 18:52

SENparent96 · 06/05/2024 18:45

It isn’t just ‘the gym’ for some people, for me it’s an extremely important part of my daily routine for my mental health. I wouldn’t be binning the gym off for someone I’ve known a month.

Show quote history

Then don’t arrange to go on a date with someone when you wouldn’t also have time to go to the gym. He’s the one who arranged it! I’m a big fan of the gym and of exercise in general. I’d also not be ‘binning off’ the gym but he arranged it!.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 06/05/2024 18:51

It's been a month. He already stood you up twice. A third was highly likely. Your reaction was also extremely immature. You shouldn't be this invested so quickly.

bradpittsbathwater · 06/05/2024 18:51

He's probably seeing other people too. Plenty more fish in the sea and all that.

Ikeashowroom · 06/05/2024 18:50

FakeMiddleton · 06/05/2024 18:41

You should have left him to it after the first cancellation. The gym is more important than a date in the first month/honeymoon period.

Nah.

This. No one gets second or third chances with me!

Greywitch2 · 06/05/2024 18:49

Well you sent a really childish message. And he's now had the opportunity to dump you because you were abusive.

Next time you are dating a flaky twat who cancels like this send one text to say, 'This isn't working for me, so don't worry about re-arranging.' then block them.

Far more dignified than telling someone you are upset and disappointed and giving them the finger.

Londonscallingme · 06/05/2024 18:49

He cancelled on you to go to the gym in the early stages of a relationship? I’d have called it a day at that point. He’s just not that into you, I’m afraid.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 06/05/2024 18:48

SENparent96 · 06/05/2024 18:45

It isn’t just ‘the gym’ for some people, for me it’s an extremely important part of my daily routine for my mental health. I wouldn’t be binning the gym off for someone I’ve known a month.

Show quote history

I agree with that, exercise is hugely important to me too. But I would plan my time better so that I didn’t arrange a date on a gym night.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 06/05/2024 18:47

Yes sounds like it’s over from that exchange!

SENparent96 · 06/05/2024 18:45

FakeMiddleton · 06/05/2024 18:41

You should have left him to it after the first cancellation. The gym is more important than a date in the first month/honeymoon period.

Nah.

It isn’t just ‘the gym’ for some people, for me it’s an extremely important part of my daily routine for my mental health. I wouldn’t be binning the gym off for someone I’ve known a month.

CommentNow · 06/05/2024 18:45

You should dum him for the flaking and he should dum yu for the middle finger.

Kindly, implement boundaries so you don't get drawn into squabbling and being your worst self.

Upinthenightagain · 06/05/2024 18:45

He’s not interested. He’d have have cancelled on me once. Twice he’d have been blocked