Worried DD is going to end up with an unequal relationship

So many comments that sound like you all think a pregnant, married 25 yo woman is stupid. Assuming she has a degree if she's a teacher. Good grief she's not an idiot.
At 18, my 24 yo, joiner fiancé and I moved into a house he bought. I was going to Uni, and working weekends. We had our crap together at younger ages than OPs DD, our downfall was contraception failed and I miscarried.
My mother tried to stick her nose in too, none of her business.
Stop treating your daughter like she's dumb OP it won't end well.

She’s young and possibly still naive, let’s hope he hasn’t insisted on a prenup OP knows nothing about. I would approach this subject with extreme caution, in order not to drive away the daughter.

Well, she's already in an unequal relationship, isn't she? She's only 25, married and pregnant to a man 20 years her senior, who is very wealthy. She's planning to give up work and be a housewife in the countryside.

The main question is: Is this what she's always wanted? Because if this is her dream then good for her having found someone who is happy for her to have it. She's married and she's having his kid(s), so she has certain protections under the law. There are plenty of women with this lifestyle in the home counties and places like Cheshire and for many couples it works very well.

and she'll be really wealthy when he's dead and she's 50

You've predicted his death at 70?

My dad is 92 and all things considered, fairly fit.

That's ridiculous. Nothing in the post says he's controlling her. Age gap relationships don't mean abusive ffs.
Sounds like OP is jealous imo.
Best of luck to her daughter, sounds like a lovely life and if she didn't want it she probably wouldn't have married him in the first place.

Or divorcee, even if he has had the sense to try and protect his assets.

I would be disgusted but it's her life. Yuck. Why is a grown man looking for 20 year olds

This is pretty common. My only concern would be potentially moving somewhere she knows no one and for away from family. I would be gently suggesting she considers somewhere that, for example, you could easily.pop up to dee her or spend time with her and the baby. Eg if you live in South london/sw London they move to Surrey .

This sounds normal for a rich city guy- younger wife, house in the country, a lot of kids.

Some women love this set up of big family, SAHM, no money worries, husband out of the way.

Some come to find it a gilded cage.

Yes I absolutely am! I’ll support them whatever their choices but will always give an opinion.

He at a senior level in finance in the city. He’ll be working 12 hr days so wouldn’t actually see them those days regardless. I would prefer DH worked away and I knew he wouldn’t be around so I prepped for those days rather than him being late home constantly.

Personally, I wouldn’t want to give up work. However, assuming she can drive she’s not going to be stuck in the middle of nowhere. Looking at Surrey/Berks/Bucks there will be networks of SAHM with husbands working big jobs in the city and there will be tonnes of play groups and activities. She’s legally protected in the event of a divorce. If money is no object, I think she should get a nanny and do some part time tutoring or teaching or even look at becoming a governor so she has some skills to fall back on if she starts work again when the children are at school.

And he doesn't have a previous family ? A man in his mid forties with a very young woman

Clearly she's not that career driven 🤷‍♀️ (which is fine) and she'll be really wealthy when he's dead and she's 50

I would be concerned too. We see lots of posts on this site where women have made themselves dependent on a man and when things go wrong they are stuck or destitute. I would support her because no matter what, she needs to feel that she can come to you. But I'd say to her that as she becomes a mother and gives up work she has a responsibility to not just hope for the best but also plan for the worst. Can she still take care of her family if the worst happens? Has she set up a pension that he pays into? Does he have good life and serious illness cover? Does she have a car that she owns outright in her own name? Money paid into her own separate bank account? Is he transparent on all his earnings and assets and she is a joint money decision maker? I disagree that marriage gives her sufficient protection legally - if everything is mortgaged or the money is managed badly and they divorce down the line with 50:50 custody she is starting again with nothing. Marriage doesn't give protection if he gets injured and has a break down and can no longer earn the good money, if he has addiction problems, is abusive etc.

I don't like the "man with big job" and SAHM model. I think it makes women vulnerable financially (yes, even if they're married), and seems like a step back to the past

But, I also think that you can't tell people what to do

Tricky situation for you

Rural villages are often heaving with activity, and once her chidlren get to pre-school age she will find herself locked into a social group. She can work remotely from home if she wants.

I don't think her OH will be leading his "best life" - he will be the one bringing home the bacon.

I am not sure what your worry is. Bringing up a family in a lovely home with no financial worries sounds OK to me.

It sounds as though you think this guy is a good'un, so it is their decision to make.

I’ve just read Til Death Do us Part by Daniel Hurst and your post sounds like the plot to that book!

The downside will be the ageing husband

She could end up as a very wealthy, very merry widow.

For £2m they could definitely buy a nice place in London. Maybe just search a few nice properties and say have you considered this? There are some lovely places with decent schools Richmond Wimbledon etc if that's the sort of vibe she's after?

She's married a 45 year old rich bloke and you're worried she might end up with an unequal relationship??

My DH works away for 1 week out of every 2 (monday-monday) I know it isn't for everyone and I do wish he was home more but it works for us. I don't think you should try and talk her out of it at all, it's not a horrendous situation

Be thankful they have money - she can buy in help if needed.
Be grateful she’s not waited till she’s 35 to have a baby, 10 more years for you to enjoy your grandchildren. Sounds like the house will have room for you to stay.
It might not be the life you’d choose, but its not a disaster.

Yanbu to worry OP. I would worry about a man that much older and more successful being controlling, and would worry about my daughter having her first child somewhere rural away from her support system.

what is this guy like? How easily could you travel there/she travel back? What are her plans for help with the baby once it arrives and for a social network?

So long as she has the house keeper cleaner gardener nanny to go with the house
She can enjoy herself
Does she drive? That s important she needs her own wheels
Why not say

"that looks great!what car will you get? "

She could also still work if she wants to

Are you going to stick your nose into your adult children's relationships and where they choose to live though?

All the ops dd has done is chosen to marry a richer older man it really isn't the ops business all she can do is support (or not ) her child but that's all.

I would share your concerns op but this is really primarily about your dd and what she wants to do with her life?

I would ask her a few questions about her teaching career and whether she intends keeping that up once in the country?

If she says no then ask her why not? Presumably they could afford a nanny?

Remind her that it is never a good idea to rely on dh for all of her money. However kind and well intentioned he is, it puts her in a vulnerable position. Especially if the marriage fails.

Even if it doesn’t fail, what will she do once the dc are older and don’t need her as much?

Bluntly, does she have any personal ambitions for herself outside of being a wife and mother? Just prompt her to think about her long term goals?

Beyond that there isn’t much that you can do op!