Worried DD is going to end up with an unequal relationship

Who says it’s unequal? She’s young and fertile; women his age are not. And maybe they actually love each other.

Honestly, I think some older women just get narked when they see someone their age choose someone much younger.

Each to their own. If they’re happy, can’t see what business it is if anyone else’s.

She was in an unequal relationship the moment she married a man more than old enough to be her father.

Ultimately there is nothing you do. Many women would love to be married to a rich man and not have to work. Equally I’m sure most rich men are happy to have a woman young enough to be their daughter on their arm. The two sort of go hand in hand. Leave them to it.

There's a difference between being a stay-at-home mum whose husband works and being a stay-at-home mum whose husband isn't even at home three nights a week.

What's his relationship with his children going to end up like?

I couldn't enjoy a life like that so I understand your concerns, but to each their own. I don't think there's anything you can do about this

It really is not a lot to be looking after children 3 nights a week.

i would have thought that would make it easier than someone childless? Lots of groups to join, excuses to reach out etc etc. also lots of conversations started over a cute baby!

She will be living a life that many live. What is so wrong with being a stay at home mum and why the hell do you think you should talk her out of being at home with her children, she is isn't ruining her life. ? Maybe you worked and she was in childcare and hated it and is determined she won't be doing that to her children.
You need to just enjoy your Grandchildren and stop thinking your way is the only way.

God this is full of the worst SAHM tropes:
bad example; bored; lonely; controlled; DH who will cheat.

many women love working - I’m one of them and fortunate enough i) not to have to and ii) to pick and choose what suits - however I absolutely 100% could fill my day wonderfully with other activities and be happy. It’s pretty unimaginative to suggest its not possible.

Is her name on the deeds? Just because you are married, doesn’t mean you get half.

Does she have a nanny/house help? It's a lot to basically be a single mum for most of the week. Would she have friends nearby?

How much getting involved in local life can you do with a baby where you know no one and are alone most of the time?

I mean, it is an unequal relationship. She's the one moving out to the countryside to attempt to build a new friend/ support network, leaving her job to be entirely dependent on him. For her sake let's hope he isn't the sort to throw that in her face.

I agree with others though, it's not a bad setup. I'd personally opt to stay in my career part time, just to break things up a bit. I was a SAHM for several years and it wasn't really great for my mental health. We're all different, though.

I would not describe it as an unequal relationship, but I share your concerns about this. Being in a rural area with small children and later on being 'mummy taxi' for them.

If he’s in Corporate Finance those three days in London won’t be ‘living his best life’: they’ll be working at least 12 hours per day.

It wouldn’t suit me but if they want a big house in the country it has to be funded somehow, and staying near work in London would be better than a long commute and getting up at a ridiculous hour in the morning.

I hate the trope that marriage is some magical legal protection, many of my friends and acquaintances have either been fucked over in a divorce or trapped in unhappy marriages due to finances. Yes, it affords you some protection but being financially independent is the only way to fully protect yourself.

OP I agree, I would be worried too but there is nothing you can actually do or say other than perhaps suggests she has an exit fund or keeps her part time work hours.

I think it sounds great on the whole! I assume they can afford a nanny/help with the kids. That will give her time to get involved in local life and make some friends so she doesn’t get lonely. The bit I wouldn’t like is not seeing my husband for four days a week and having to do all childcare. But it sounds like she’s agreed to make this compromise in order to have a large income and lovely house in the countryside. Presumably she can also stay in London occasionally too. The age gap would have worried me too but it sounds like he’s a good man, she’s happy and this is what she wants

Advise her to have her own pension.

One of us could give up working if we wanted to but we don’t. I’m on maternity leave at the moment and couldn’t imagine just doing this for the foreseeable future.

Now this seems like a terrible idea to me
Tough. She's an adult. Back off a bit if you don't want them to pull away from you.

I would be worried too, the power imbalance would concern me. All well and good when they're first married, she's young and attractive and impressed by him. But sooner or later things will get tough, as they do in any relationship, and I would worry that she'll feel trapped. People seem very casual about the idea that because they're married she'll be fine financially, but divorces can be long and painful. What happens when she's older, is this guy going to find another younger woman? And the potential for him to be financially or emotionally controlling is high. Hopefully he's a nice guy, but what if he's not? Also, what's she going to do with her brain? Can be pretty mind numbing looking after kids so she needs to make sure she has a plan to do something intellectually stimulating.

That would never be for me, but maybe it is for her? Can she drive or she’ll be very isolated?

I enjoy being busy and doing something useful. That doesn't necessarily translate into working for someone else, to make them richer. I enjoy the job I do now, as does DH, but the reality is both of us do it because we have the bills to pay.

If those bills were not a worry, we'd both do something else because the money isn't a thing we need.

And some days, I absolutely wish I could have been home with my child instead of having to go work for someone else because the roof needs to stay over our heads

It’s not something I’ve heard anyone describe themselves as, especially men. I just hear it on here, in 99% of cases it relates to a woman working.

DH and I both enjoying working and wouldn’t give it up. We get so much more out of it than just money.

I think it’s a shame when the attitude is I want something but I want someone else to provide it for me when they are perfectly capable of doing it themselves.

Because she's younger?

If she was younger but neither of them had money, would the same things be being said?

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos

We're in a time when women can choose to do everything. It doesn't mean we have to. If what this girl wants is to be a stay at home mum, she's able to choose to do that and she's chosen her husband well to do it.

Its not just about SAHM vs working mum though. That debate has been reprised so much on here. I totally get that some women don’t to work and choose to look after their children. It wouldn’t be for me but if they are financially protected I see no problem.

But on the face of it is a VERY unbalanced relationship. It looks very much as if this guy has sought to choose a woman he perceives as vulnerable.