Worried DD is going to end up with an unequal relationship

Sounds awful!!! 🤣🤣🤣

That's a very similar arrangement that my parents had and that worked well . Shes an adult.

Do your children agree?!

I don't understand people who say their adult children aren't their business. My children will always be my business however old they are.

I think if that is the life your dd wants she just needs left to live it. Part time dad wouldn’t be for me personally but people are different.

I would als be uncomfortable with this. This was the setup my parents had an it ultimately made my mother feel bored, lonely and entirely without any agency in her life. I would find this miserable personally.

A lot of people will be along (I see some have already tipped up) to say this is their dream and it’s all tickety boo because they are married so all is well, but it does seem very unequal and quite stifling to me. It’s horses for courses obviously but setting a life up with such a yawning chasm of inequality doesn’t sound great.

But the others are also correct that if she’s married she does have some insurance and as long as this guy remains respectful of her there very little you can do. It could be a lot worse.

I would withdraw criticism and be supportive but gently suggest she keep her hand in with work. Chances are if she’s smart she will eventually want more.

It does sound a bit like he is trying to keep her in her place/control her. YANBU to be concerned. I would be. Sounds like he wants to keep her barefoot and pregnant and isolated and totally dependent on him. This is (sadly) not unusual in a relationship where the man is old enough to be the woman's father.

She is a grown married woman and will soon be a mother herself…

i think you can suggest waiting to house hunt until the baby arrives and “help” her look for properties if she is leading it.

really your best bet is

• stay close to her and be someone she can talk to
• enioy the grandchildren and spend time with them
• Make sure the guest suite is decorated to your tastes 😉

I'm quite jealous of her.
Rich husband, 2 million pound house in a good area, nanny, private schools, London pad.
NOT HAVING TO WORK.

The downside will be the ageing husband. But the money will compensate for that.
She's married so has some protection. Plus if high stress city job may die young and she gets the lot.

Hell let her get on with it.

Given the hours he may well be working, it's sometimes easier to have this delineation and enjoy having the bigger house and garden. It does risk him being a Disney dad in his own relationship but that's often the case in this type of set up

You've posted about this before haven't you, but obviously she wasn't pregnant then?

I think the general consensus was that she's chosen him for his money and there's nothing you can do about it.

I’d love this life/

DH and I married 20 years. I genuinely don’t think I could live in the same house with the same person full time. When DD was small he worked away 6 days a week (I was a consultant and worked around her). Now she’s a teen I’m the one in London 3 nights a week. It gives me the focus for work and then I’m a better mum/wife the rest of the time.

i’d consider all of those areas to be commuter areas though. I live in Wales so can’t do it daily (and don’t want to uproot DD from her life here because of my work).

My cousin moved from London to a nice house in the countryside to raise a family. Her husband still works and stays in London 4 nights a week. I have to say my cousin's extremely happy. She has the best life. She's made so many friends and is very busy socially. Now her kids are teenagers she has a very part time job (10 hours a week). She wouldn't change a thing.

Guess he may have afforded to retire in his late 50s and they will be able to enjoy life tk the full.

There is simply no reason or suggestion that he is or will be unfaithful. The flat in town is presumably because when not wfh he works long hours so it makes sense to go office to flat to bed to sleep to office repeat for theb3 day period he does work in the office.

It's ultimately her choice but I would be there for her and encourage her to continue to have some independence and life outside of her husband and family.

It is all fine now but what about when she is 44, he's 64 and the kids have left home?

Well she is because they are married

Berks Bucks and Surrey is hardly the middle of nowhere though!

Their life their choice. They sound as thogh they can afford childcare should she want to work. And she is in prime commuter belt and will be able to meet and socialise with other people with similar incomes etc.

The thing is, if it doesn't work out they can simply changes things. They're in a financially comfortable position which gives them a lot of flexibility. If your DD's not happy they can look at other options.

I agree with this post, except that I don't think she is 'unequal'. She brings her youth and fertility to the table, he brings his wealth and maturity. It is only very, very recently that this was seen as anything other than completely normal.

This ia a very normal set up for families in my industry (sounds similar)

Tbh, the person working in the city, for example is out of the house before breakfast, and not back until after dinner anyway, so it doesn’t make much material difference, and people like the space, lifestyle and schools for the children.

If she's getting what she wants- nice house, kids, fianance then whats the issue? I suggest she make sure she's protected legally.

I would think it might be a better life for any grand children, to have a time rich mother, better schools, away from the crimes and dangers of big city living, actually able to play out in safety surrounded by nature.

I would only want that the journey to visit them often and vice verse is fairly straightforward and affordable.

You might enjoy visiting them in their new rural idyll!

Try to make a friend out of your son in law to help keep your daughter close to you and oil those wheels nicely and frequently.

Sounds like my idea of bliss. I love my current dp an awful lot and I'm not sure I'd like to be away from him that much, we're quite close and do alot together. But alot of couples are far more independent and wouldn't think twice about three nights apart. I wouldnt have with my ex husband, it would have been perfect. The house sounds amazing and like she can build herself a great life there.