Worried DD is going to end up with an unequal relationship

Championing women's rights means supporting choices other than your own. She might be happy with this.

I'd suggest you encourage her to keep her training/skills etc UTD so if anything wver did happen she could provide for herself if needed

I’d say ensure she has good legal advice and her own finances. It all sounds very lovely but his greater wealth does mean there’s a power imbalance.

Talking of care home is a slightly premature! Anyway, something like 95% of people live their lives out in their own home and do not have care homes. I would look on Rightmove for properties around 2 million in the Southwest London Richmond area and send her the details -

This is good!

Out of interest, does your company offer the same pay benefits for shared parental leave as maternity leave, regardless of gender?

This is the way employers need to go IMO to establish better equality.

Only a share of joint assets will be taken into account for care fees. So if they have a 2 million pound home, she's still guaranteed at least a million.
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My DH is 45 and would love to retire soon and do something he enjoys.

I'm a bit younger than him but can imagine in 10 years I'll feel similar.

We live quite a simple life though. A lot of what we actively enjoy doing is considered an "old person" hobby. But it's what makes us happy.

Not everyone wants to be out doing "young" activities. Even when young.

Horses for courses.

Not literally half their age or less. I’ve never known one and I know a lot of pensioners being one myself. Some of them are wealthy enough for their money to be appealing too.

@CurlewKate The age gaps between those couples is usually very obvious! It’s a lifestyle choice, it suits some people, I suppose.

@BruFord well, the number of rich pensioners who manage to get a younger model kind of disproves that.

@CurlewKate

@Blossomtoes is exaggerating as he won’t be a pensioner (!) but I think what she’s saying is that age gaps typically become more obvious when the older partner approaches 60 and certainly once they’re in their 60’s.

@BIossomtoes "
I think this is the more likely of the two scenarios. Nobody in their 30s is realistically going to get into a relationship with a pensioner"

Sorry???

I think this is the more likely of the two scenarios. Nobody in their 30s is realistically going to get into a relationship with a pensioner.

Or perhaps she will trade him in for a younger model! Who knows what will happen. Let her live her life.

She will have been traded in long before that!

If she's a teacher it's likely she can always pick up work later on if she wants or needs to. Means you can stay while dh is away which coul also suit everyone

I was waiting for this kind of comment, shaming other mothers.

It's not about not coping or not managing. It's about having a decent quality of life and expecting your partner to step up and do their share.

I would never have wanted to be a military wife, so I didn't marry someone in the forces. Lots of respect to them, but wouldn't have wanted that life myself.

Also, mothers who genuinely aren't coping for whatever reason (depression, illness etc) already feel plenty of shame, you don't need to heap extra on them for no other reason than being a massive bitch.

My husband works in the city and is away first thing Tuesday morning until late Thursday night. He’s not always done it but his role changed after we had kids and we had to adapt. It’s fine and hasn’t affected his relationship with them, he’s hands on at weekends and takes them to their sports activities. It’s very common to do this where we live, my neighbours husband and the family 2 houses away also do this. Honestly don’t think it’ll be a problem if your daughter is happy with it. If she’s moving similar to where we live there’s always plenty to do, swimming, sensory, baby gym classes, soft play meet ups.

I think it is less about working vs retirement and more about being in different places emotionally and outlookwise.

At 44 she may be still full of energy, keen to do something for herself now her children are young adults. He may be winding down or already retired, working at a very senior level in FS can be brutal in terms of your health. I mean I am 45 and can't imagine being content not working and spending my time doing retirement stuff with someone old enough to be my father. But then I don't have the income that they have/will have.

But as you say they could be heading for a wonderful middle age of travelling and cruises and she will be happy with that.

In my experience people with a lot of money tend to retire early - late 50s/early 60s and spend at least a decade having a wonderful time. Lots of travel and first class all the way. That doesn’t sound bad to me.

Yep we grow and change a lot between 24 and 44.

At 44 she will still be youngish and energetic whereas he may be looking to wind down in to retirement and a slower life.

However the age gap would worry me as when she is still a sprightly 45 year old DH will be 65....
That ship has now sailed so not really relevant except that she needs to form a full and fulfilling life for herself in case she is widowed in the future.

Those areas are not really rural at al,l in fact Surrey is jammed with young families and many will be doing the same, Dh or DW in London for part of the week, l suspect the other counties are similar.
There will be many opportunities to make a network of friends and tons of activities with small children. Plus plenty of schools in case DD wants to go back to work.
Plus she will have a London base, sounds pretty good if that is what she wants.

YANBU. I’d be appalled if this was my DD. She’s going to be looking after teens and younger (?) when her DH’s health starts to suffer, assuming he’s not traded her in again for another much younger wife.

At least they’re married so she has some limited security although I’m guessing if he’s high up in finance, he’s got most of his cash tied up and out of reach.

Have you asked her how she feels about it? What appeals to her about the plan, anything she's worried about or still unsure about?

No, don't jump in with your judgement of the situation. It sounds as though you're not clearly understanding what's going on in her head so why not try to understand that first. If you do want to raise objections you need to know your audience

I was 24 when I had my first and 25 when had my second child. Dh worked 6 days a week leaving when they woke up and coming home at bath and bed time, he also worked away so I was on my own - by that time we had 3 dc.
The only difference is we didn't have the money and massive house in the country!

Many women do this out of necessity, and don't have the lifestyle and finances to make this life much much easier.

I created my own life with friends I met through the children and locally and joined groups, it hasn't made a difference to our relationship as we now enjoy the fruits of our hard years we travel and go out a lot and spend time with each other. We don't have the big age gap though we are similar age.

So yes I would have loved the life she has now. Whether she will love it remains to be seen, many women who would love this life have much harder lives doing what she's doing but with no money so of course that lifestyle is very attractive but she doesn't know any other type of life so you don't know how it will go.

You just have to be there for her whatever happens. It's no different to her being married to someone else. Would you be less worried if she married someone her own age with no money and she was pregnant and had to work full time in a supermarket to afford the rent on a two bed flat in a less desirable area in London?