Mil threads

Mine was never great but when DC was born it went off like a rocket.

I didn't pay her enough attention when she visited us in hospital. I only looked at the baby.

I was selfish for breastfeeding denying her her rights to feed her grandchild. Plus FIL would be embarrassed.

I was selfish for not letting him stay at hers for the weekend at six weeks for the above reasons.

She didn't like his name so told all her family he had a different name altogether.

There's nothing wrong with him we are claiming benefit for no reason and IF there is someone wrong it obviously came from my side as all her family are normal.

That doesn't even scratch the surface. I'd love a close relationship but she hated me from day one.

I meant her alright 🙂 I doff my cap to you for leaving the plonker sooner rather than later. You dodged a bullet (or two!) by the sounds of it!

Luckily my own MIL is great, always has been, but I can well believe some of the threads here from friends experiences with their MILs, in some cases FILs. The in law dynamic can be tricky.

I think it’s a complicated dyad in general which is why you see so many threads on it.

three of my long term boyfriends had amazing mothers who were great - one in particular was just so lovely to me and I was very very fond of her!

unfortunately my DH has a “difficult” mother 🤷🏻‍♀️
in fairness, my mil would likely say I am incredibly difficult too because I don’t let her do whatever the fuck she wants when she wants like her sons do

Well he couldn’t in her eyes, but after he did that to me I left him.

Ah ok. I assume he could do no wrong etc.

I told her the reason I was leaving her son. She thought I was unreasonable.

How the hell did that come up in conversation? Glad to hear they are exes 💐

My MIL is bat shit.

She stopped talking to us for nearly a year because I took her off my car insurance after causing thousands of pounds worth of damage and refusing to pay for it.

She also expects us to pay for her luxury lifestyle because "it's time DH pays me back after everything I spent on him as a child." 🤔

They haven’t. They were always like it but the rest of the family enable their behaviour.

I wish it weren't true in our case. It really really is.

Or, how very sad that your daughter is missing out on a relationship with her grandparent.

My MIL is a fucking bitch

My exMIL told me my exH trying to rape me was his right as my husband because men have needs

:( awful, what a vile woman

She is. I have no contact now. There’s more but it would be outing but she’s completely toxic.

I always think these awful MIL managed to raise a son that you actually want to have children with, spend the rest of your life with so they must have done something right.

I have one amazing ex mil who I’ve known since I was 14. She always treated me as one of her daughters. I still love her 30 years on.

My ex husbands mother is a really unpleasant human being

I’ve had three long term boyfriends whose mums were really lovely and we got on well. And one who was a complete and utter bitch, I’d say the problem there was she saw herself as the matriarch and her son still as a child and therefore we should listen to her and defer to her wisdom in all things- which didn’t really work for me as a successful and financially independent woman in my 40s

So if you really care, why start a thread which is certain to become another litany of MILs from hell? Or was that your intention all along?

It’s only the people with bad MILs who will write something. My MIL is lovely but writing her son rings her once a week (they don’t live nearby) whether I’m there or not, she praises us both for how well we’re doing with DC, sends things for DC but asks what they need first and is always respectful of our boundaries isn’t a juicy thread that won’t attract much attention. Plus I don’t need to start a thread because I don’t need any advice on it.

MIL had a bad MIL so she has basically said she’s tried to be the opposite of her. However, it’s not always MIL’s that are the problem in-laws. I have my share of problematic in-laws, they just aren’t my MIL!

I think I most of it stems from the complexities of being intertwined with and having to maintain relationships with people who, in any other context, you possibly wouldn’t want to spend more than five minutes with. Your own parents might be batshit, but they’re your batshit, and you’ve had years to get used to them and all their quirks, probably share a lot of the same quirks - and, of course, you all love each other. Your partner’s parents are a huge part of their life, and therefore in most cases yours by extension, but you don’t have history with them.

I like my MIL a lot - but what’s really notable is that DH and were brought up with very similar attitudes and values and our parents are actually quite alike, so neither of us are battling against behaviour we’re not used to.

It depends on the mil some generation wise believe that because they always had to default to their parents as did their parents that todays adults should and todays adults don’t want to. Thats one tick towards a crazy mil. Shes mad now its her turn there isn’t a turn.

Some people or in this case mils who believe their traditions and customs are the only important ones. Get one of those and it’s bound to come to blows. Why should every Christmas be with them or every second Saturday of the month be Y day where everyone has to do X.

Then you get ones who treat their sons like they are still babies and expect to run their lives and always need checking in with if you so much as visit the sea side. Ones who favour the ex because she was (whatever reason) forgetting that keep bringing up his ex isn’t exactly going to make the dil want to be friendly.

Then you’ve mil who give no shits till there is a baby on the way and then suddenly expect people to jump to her tune and demand 100% equal this that and the other when of course her dil who has a arm length only with husband relationship isn’t popping in for random coffee visits or wanting her mil around every damn day.

all will cause issues that can become bigger and bigger till they blow up.

Or maybe, just maybe, when a man has a relationship and a family, his priorities start to become his partner and family and some mothers struggle with the change in dynamics.

My MIL is lovely, but there are definitely times she oversteps.

:( awful, what a vile woman.

I also echo the poster above- my MIL is wonderful so I've never had cause to start a thread about her. All previous boyfriends mums were also lovely except one who was absolutely obsessed with her own son and it didn't matter what he did to me, she would always find a reason to excuse it from cheating to passing on std's and slamming a door on my nose when I found out in her house, always terrifies me.to wonder what life would have been like if I'd stayed embroiled in all that as despite what my ex did he would never leave me and in the end I had to leave him. I thank God she was like that because I'd have maybe been more young, naive and inclined to forgive him if not but she was really the icing on the cake. Didn't matter what I did for him or what I bought her as gifts for birthdays or Christmas, always wrong.

Do the grown adult men not hold all their own cards? JFC, what a crazy outlook!