To think I'm absolute shit at raising girls?

Wait your daughter told your MIL not to mention her name? That’s also spectacularly rude.

So the girls are rude to you and to each other and to their grandparents.
Come on OP, how does it matter if you ‘hurt their feelings?’ If they are rude it is your job to hold the line and enforce some boundaries. It’s not your job to be their mate.

Yes you have a MIL problem. But first and foremost you need to parent them REALLY firmly. I was a teenage girl once and hell would have broken loose had I spoken to my parents like that.

What are the consequences for when your ten year old is rude? She’s a child btw. She’s a primary school aged child. What happens when she answers back?!

Boys don't have basic emotions! My DS has always been far more complex than my DD. They're both in their 20s now and this is still the case.

Wow, I can't believe how parents pussy foot around their children nowadays. Your husband immediately thought you had done something? Honestly I know I am old but does no-one actually say things like "how dare you speak to me like that" ? No wonder there are so many entitled little shits around.

How is your relationship with your husband, OP? How does he treat you?

There’s part of your problem.

get your MIL to give her a bit of a verbal lashing the next time the rude little madam starts her shite.

Mu mum would have been much better raising boys. She would have preferred a straightforward life of making bacon sandwiches and washing football kits, and would have caused less damage only having to navigate boys' fairly basic emotions.

This!

To tan your bloody hide if you don't speak to me with some respect!

If her nan condones her speaking to you like that, she wouldnt be seeing her. I would not have them treat me like that, end of.

Wouldent last 5 mins in my home with that attitude sorry. Why are there so many parents becoming scared of parenting their own kids.
Because they may hurt their feelings.
Gentle parenting is not working.
And that new parenting style is talk touch hug WTF is that.
Put ya kids in their place your the adult dont let them rule the roost.

Also sorry but do your girls spend a lot of time online? From something you said about your DD diagnosing someone this just sounds like a Tiktok hole. Really try to limit their exposure to this stuff - hard as it is but take action. I blocked everything on my router and then only let them have 1GB phone data for this reason!

I was obnoxious at this age, but to my dad not my mum. But looking back I wonder why dad got the brunt and not mum. It was because my mum listened to me.

I don’t know if this helps but my relationship with my eldest was so dreadful through these ages she would always tell me she hated me. Shes in her 20’s now but still at home and it is so much better but I did end up in therapy trying to work out how to manage it! I had to stop taking it personally and put in some boundaries, the more upset and the more I chased her the worse it was getting. Stepping back but saying ‘that’s not ok’ is looking after yourself and them too. I can only tell you to stay strong and keep making her see you love her but you won’t tolerate certain behaviours. My DD used me as her safe person to take all her anger out on, it was awful but she is through it now and we get on great. Keep going

My daughter has a first class degree in twisting what l have said to suit her - she hears what she wants to hear. I would stop pussyfooting around her op, remind her often that you love her but that she is the child and you are the adult.

@SuspectedInsomniac

Out of everything op said that's the thing that's sprung out at me. She's undermining you and shaking your dc faith in you.

Have a close look at your mil op, is she saying disrespectful things about you to dd?
How often does she see her?

Re your dd, behaviour is communicating.

Definitely read that book suggestion op and there are something other good guides to give tips as well.
She's expressing something to you and you need to try and listen. Slapping her down for being a cheeky madam will close down her feelings and she may feel she can't talk to you.

she started listing off the things I was doing: sitting, breathing, existing, growing hair, making blood cells

I actually laughed when I read this! Girls can be such little shits to their mothers. I was a horrible teenager and my DM said if I had a DD it would be karma. I had two DSs and was mighty relieved

Yep, this. So many posters on here tiptoe on egg shells around their kids

It sounds that you are trying so hard to avoid upsetting her that you have forgotten to actually parent her!

She is 10. She shouldn't be allowed to speak to you like that. What was the consequence? How does DH react when he hears DD speaking to you like that?

And I don't think it's a girl/boy thing. It's personalities. Sometimes personalities clash. That doesn't mean that children should get away with being rude.

My sympathies OP I know I was a horrible little madam from pre teen age.

My son is 11 and already I can see bits of attitude forming, he much prefers DH and thinks I am the most embarrassing thing going. We fell out yesterday because I took him clothes shopping, into all the shops he likes and he didn’t want anything, hated it all. I know he doesn’t enjoy it but he needs new clothes and doesn’t want me picking them so what to do?

My daughter is 7 and the sweetest thing but I know already she has a temper and will be difficult as she gets older. The problem I have is that I can’t control my own temper and bite back, no way could I be spoken to like you were and just not go mad tbh so will be interesting how it goes.

Good luck!

No, DH is hard on them because they are boys but I don't feel the need to do the same.

I didn't mean hard on the boys. I meant normal with the boys and hesitant in parenting the girls.

Sounds like your dh needs to have your back more. I have two and they have been relatively easy. I am nervous about the teen years though as I know what I was like.

On the other hand, I always knock before entering a child’s bedroom, even if the door is open. I’m not having a go at OP (her DD’s response was rude) but politeness goes both ways.

Is it a boys vs girls thing?

or is it because you treat the boys differently?

you say your dh is hard on them so you don’t need to be. So no wonder your relationship is easier.

are you the one that gets to discipline the girls?

it sounds like you are treating them differently depending on sex. This is the problem, not their genitals.

I don’t think boys are easier than girls generally- it’s just different children are different!

My Dd has been so much easier than ds for example. Her only thing is she gets quite a lot of anxiety that I help her through but she’s never difficult. She’s 15.

My ds is very different.