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AIBU?

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Original poster

Told friend to get a hotel

94 replies

Lasttrainhomes · 06/05/2024 09:02

I went to a concert with a friend. Since it was finishing late and she had a long way home, she asked to stay over at mine and I agreed.

We had a great evening, however, my friend went overboard with the beer and appeared very drunk on the train home. That was bad enough, but she hurled various insults my way and also insulted some friends of mine we bumped into at the concert.

She was such a handful and really unpleasant, loud, and dramatic. I was desperate to send her home in an Uber but it was too far for an Uber. I felt tempted to check her into a hotel, but she was in no fit state to be left alone.

It seems she had also not bought a return ticket for herself and it was rather embarrassing when an inspector came to check, thankfully he was willing to overlook it since she was visibly drunk.

I took her to my home and tried to calm her down and finally managed to get her to go to sleep.

In the morning, she acted as though nothing had happened, all smiles.
I was happy just to finish on a good note (although this was very difficult), give her breakfast and send her home… then she made a “joke” referring to the insults from last night, basically repeating them!

I didn’t feed into it and silently took her to her station.

A few hours later, she texted to say there were no more trains going to her town, and could she return and stay another night. I told her she needed to find an alternate route home or check herself into a room.

I checked the trains online and she would have been able to get home, it just would have taken twice as long.

I explained that I had a really awful upsetting stressful night with her and she will have to excuse me if I choose not to risk a repeat.

She sent a text back saying she would never abandon me in a strange city by myself that I’m not familiar with and she that she is upset and crying and has never been treated so badly and that she has learned her lesson not to trust anyone like this again.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
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Caroparo52 · 07/07/2024 19:21

fuck her

helpplease01 · 09/05/2024 07:42

No. Definitely not. Boundaries!! No one needs that shit:

EmeraldA129 · 08/05/2024 09:17

When I started reading I thought you were going to say you refused to let her stay that first night when she was drunk & I was ready to say YABU as you would be leaving someone that may not be able to look after themself.

but then I read the rest.

you were being totally reasonable, she sounds horrible & I don’t think you should be friends with her. She must be aware she embarrassed herself even if she is fuzzy on the details. If she couldn’t get a train she should sort her own bus or taxi.

Queenfierce · 08/05/2024 05:37

Wow I wouldn't have been as polite as you given the insults was repeated next day I wouldn't have let her stay again either I would be blocking her after this

hopscotcher · 07/05/2024 23:16

Ah, just seen that you did quote it back to her! Well, she's heard it now.

hopscotcher · 07/05/2024 23:13

No you weren't being unreasonable. She needed to hear that, and may have learned a lesson - anyway, as you say, she did have a way to get home. How bad were the insults - could you quote them to her when she's trying to guilt trip you?

Gladragdoll · 07/05/2024 22:50

Well done, OP, for not being guilt tripped. Your “friend” probably wanted to escape adult life for a few days and expected you to pick up the tab. You dodged a bullet with the week away!

Proudofmynane · 07/05/2024 22:36

You absolute Legend!! If your ex pal texts again just send a laugh emoji. Then block her!!

LaDamaDeElche · 07/05/2024 22:31

My sister behaved like that one time. She didn't remember the next day and was very embarrassed, and although I was annoyed I let it go. In your situation I'd tell her where to go.

ScottishWaylander · 07/05/2024 21:46

Lasttrainhomes · 06/05/2024 22:21

At this point, nothing would surprise me.

I do know that drink does make some people mean and paranoid, but this was a lot.

Now you mention it, she was in the loo a lot, but she was downing a lot of beers, so…

Do people who know they are guilty of being in drugs accuse others of doing it? If so, why? What would that achieve? Except possibly getting yourself kicked out in the middle of the night.

Show quote history

Maybe looking for vindication for their own habit? Eg some weird kind of guilt over doing drugs and hoping to discover you guys are druggies too so she can feel better about herself?

Mnk711 · 07/05/2024 20:54

Lasttrainhomes · 06/05/2024 22:21

At this point, nothing would surprise me.

I do know that drink does make some people mean and paranoid, but this was a lot.

Now you mention it, she was in the loo a lot, but she was downing a lot of beers, so…

Do people who know they are guilty of being in drugs accuse others of doing it? If so, why? What would that achieve? Except possibly getting yourself kicked out in the middle of the night.

Show quote history

@Lasttrainhomes Do people who know they are guilty of being in drugs accuse others of doing it? If so, why? What would that achieve?

Possibly a guilty conscience, drunkenly trying to throw you off the scent? Who knows. Best forgotten and left behind with your relationship with her I guess.

D12345 · 07/05/2024 20:42

Sorry didn't post right!

D12345 · 07/05/2024 20:27

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

ThinWomansBrain · 06/05/2024 22:21

I feel for you -I was out with friends (a couple I've known for 30+ years) at the weekend, who always drink a lot more than I do - they ended up having a loud shouty fight with each other as we walked back to the station, so embarrassing.
Fortunately they weren't staying over - so relieved to wave goodbye.

Original poster
Lasttrainhomes · 06/05/2024 22:21

Mnk711 · 06/05/2024 22:13

Are you sure she didn't take any drugs? If you were confident that she could have afforded a hotel room YANBU. Either way I wouldn't have wanted her in my house. Definitely sounds like a parting of ways is tbe best plan.

At this point, nothing would surprise me.

I do know that drink does make some people mean and paranoid, but this was a lot.

Now you mention it, she was in the loo a lot, but she was downing a lot of beers, so…

Do people who know they are guilty of being in drugs accuse others of doing it? If so, why? What would that achieve? Except possibly getting yourself kicked out in the middle of the night.

OP posts:
Mnk711 · 06/05/2024 22:13

Are you sure she didn't take any drugs? If you were confident that she could have afforded a hotel room YANBU. Either way I wouldn't have wanted her in my house. Definitely sounds like a parting of ways is tbe best plan.

twohotwaterbottles · 06/05/2024 22:08

Very impressed with you keeping your boundaries OP. Bravo. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻She sounds like a mare. Block with a big B.

Hotttchoc · 06/05/2024 22:07

Your friends sounds nuts OP and you did right not to have her back for the night! As for looking after her in an emergency, well you looked after her drink but clearly it didn't go well!!

Original poster
Lasttrainhomes · 06/05/2024 21:58

SpidersAreShitheads · 06/05/2024 21:19

I have a pretty dark sense of humour and I tend to be really quite relaxed about jokes - my friends are similar, so to others it might sound quite shocking if they heard us joking around in private.

So I was wondering if it was just something like that.

But your update is really horrendous! There's absolutely no way any of that is humour, or you being over-sensitive/misreading a joke. I honestly don't know how you kept your cool.

Her behaviour sounds absolutely awful and I totally get why you're drawing such a hard line now. Reading your further update re her gaslighting you - I wouldn't ever see or speak to this friend again.

Thank goodness you saw this side before booking a holiday!!! Fate was certainly looking out for you.

I hope you're not feeling too upset by all of this, can't have been nice for you having to deal with her behaviour - and now you're having to deal with her lying and making you out to be unreasonable. Gah!!!

Show quote history

I wouldn’t have believed it if someone had told me about it!

What an odd thing to accuse us of!

I have tried not to be mean so far, but really she’s not helping herself.
I must at this point say that if anyone was looking tired, it was her.
And if anyone looked like they were on drugs, it was her - complete with paranoid rantings and insults.

I’m also surprised I was able to keep a cool head, but another night of that and it might be that she’d have ended up under the patio! 😂 She was encouraged to go home for her own safety! 😂

OP posts:
Irridescantshimmmer · 06/05/2024 21:31

You have already gone over and above what you should have done, she is no friend as she's just using you and wiping the floor with you in the process, in fact, she should damn well apologise to you for the way she treated you because she should be VERY ASHAMED OF HERSELF.

So she's just trying to manipulate you again, so don't you go feeling guilty over it because of crap she's coming out with.Tell her to go and get stood on and surround your self with decent people who can handle their drink and who treat you right.

Just drop her like a lead balloon.

SpidersAreShitheads · 06/05/2024 21:19

Lasttrainhomes · 06/05/2024 18:42

She said my friend had bad teeth and probably did drugs and looked really old and beat up - my friend is 41 and looks no older than that.
She then said I must be similar if they are my friends and that I must be addicted to drugs, too. She asked if we were in the business of selling drugs?

Absolutely nuts really paranoid stuff!

My friends were dressed very nicely and were absolutely lovely to her, maybe she couldn’t figure out why they were doing so well and lived in a nice area? There was also snobbery in that she called them low class because they had regional accents.

She advised me to get better friends and not acknowledge them anymore.

I was shocked and upset.

I haven’t seen this side of her because I’d never seen her this drunk before… she wasn’t falling over drunk, just loud mouthy paranoid drunk.

I think she was spinning out of control because she was trying to take control of all of us but couldn’t.

At one point, my friend had lost something and I was helping her look for it, and she told me it was her problem to sort out and I shouldn’t bother helping her… she asked that I stay by her side if it was her I had arrived with, I was only gone five minutes and told her I’d be back, she could have helped us search!

I guess there were some small signs of this in the past but never to this degree and I wasn’t paying attention or keeping count, because she was a good company vast majority of the time.

Show quote history

I have a pretty dark sense of humour and I tend to be really quite relaxed about jokes - my friends are similar, so to others it might sound quite shocking if they heard us joking around in private.

So I was wondering if it was just something like that.

But your update is really horrendous! There's absolutely no way any of that is humour, or you being over-sensitive/misreading a joke. I honestly don't know how you kept your cool.

Her behaviour sounds absolutely awful and I totally get why you're drawing such a hard line now. Reading your further update re her gaslighting you - I wouldn't ever see or speak to this friend again.

Thank goodness you saw this side before booking a holiday!!! Fate was certainly looking out for you.

I hope you're not feeling too upset by all of this, can't have been nice for you having to deal with her behaviour - and now you're having to deal with her lying and making you out to be unreasonable. Gah!!!

littlebopeepp234 · 06/05/2024 20:20

Lasttrainhomes · 06/05/2024 20:04

She’s claiming she never said this and is suggesting I must have only misunderstood her one little “joke” from the morning.
The previous night has been completely denied.
She asked me why I would accuse her of something like that?

I’m guessing she’s too ashamed to admit this, let alone apologise.

I have told her we can leave it all there. There’s no point talking with someone who wants to lie and gaslight.

Just block her op. She sounds like a narcissist and a gaslighter. She is trying to make you question your perception of reality by denying it. You know it happened so do not let her tell you otherwise.

Someone who causes so much agro and drama and then denies doing it would result in the friendship instantly being terminated by me. She is showing you her true colours now and who she really is, her mask has slipped off, this is the real her. I could not be arsed with such drama lamas.

Inkyblue123 · 06/05/2024 20:11

I had a friend like this who was an absolute nightmare every time we went out. She had a bad drinking problem which she still hasn’t got a handle on , 25 years + of pissing people off. Any normal person would be mortified, the fact she isn’t and hasn’t offered an apology is a big red flag. You are well rid of her, just block her. If you have mutual friends, I think you’ll find they all have a similar low option of her.

Original poster
Lasttrainhomes · 06/05/2024 20:04

She’s claiming she never said this and is suggesting I must have only misunderstood her one little “joke” from the morning.
The previous night has been completely denied.
She asked me why I would accuse her of something like that?

I’m guessing she’s too ashamed to admit this, let alone apologise.

I have told her we can leave it all there. There’s no point talking with someone who wants to lie and gaslight.

OP posts:
jannier · 06/05/2024 19:51

Lasttrainhomes · 06/05/2024 09:02

I went to a concert with a friend. Since it was finishing late and she had a long way home, she asked to stay over at mine and I agreed.

We had a great evening, however, my friend went overboard with the beer and appeared very drunk on the train home. That was bad enough, but she hurled various insults my way and also insulted some friends of mine we bumped into at the concert.

She was such a handful and really unpleasant, loud, and dramatic. I was desperate to send her home in an Uber but it was too far for an Uber. I felt tempted to check her into a hotel, but she was in no fit state to be left alone.

It seems she had also not bought a return ticket for herself and it was rather embarrassing when an inspector came to check, thankfully he was willing to overlook it since she was visibly drunk.

I took her to my home and tried to calm her down and finally managed to get her to go to sleep.

In the morning, she acted as though nothing had happened, all smiles.
I was happy just to finish on a good note (although this was very difficult), give her breakfast and send her home… then she made a “joke” referring to the insults from last night, basically repeating them!

I didn’t feed into it and silently took her to her station.

A few hours later, she texted to say there were no more trains going to her town, and could she return and stay another night. I told her she needed to find an alternate route home or check herself into a room.

I checked the trains online and she would have been able to get home, it just would have taken twice as long.

I explained that I had a really awful upsetting stressful night with her and she will have to excuse me if I choose not to risk a repeat.

She sent a text back saying she would never abandon me in a strange city by myself that I’m not familiar with and she that she is upset and crying and has never been treated so badly and that she has learned her lesson not to trust anyone like this again.

Am I being unreasonable?

My reply ....and I would never insult my friend or anyone they knew in such a vile way which obviously as you repeated it in the morning without as much as an apology is the true you ergo you are not my friend just a user. Goodbye.