Grown Men Dating Teenagers

When I was 16 I had a 21 year old boyfriend. A friend told me that after we were introduced he took her to one side to ask if I was 16 and therefore legal. I was too young and naive to see how icky that was and he wasn’t a good boyfriend in any sense of the word. Now that I’ve got my own teenage dc I can see how sick this is. Thankfully my dc seem to have a much clearer understanding of what is an appropriate age gap and would be fucking appalled if a 21 year old came sniffing around.

I also had a boyfriend in his 30’s when I turned 20 which also seems icky now, although at the time I thought he was a good one. He used to tell me I was a spoiled brat and a baby all the time and I used to try to be more ‘grown up’ to please him. Even though I had no interest in talking about his boring interests or shopping for stuff for his home. I look back and cringe tbh. I was obviously far younger than him so wtf would be expect me to be mature?

Actually, you did seem to be speaking in general terms.

Women under the age of 25 have a great deal of power when it comes to dating. After than it diminishes over time. Conversely, as men accumulate status and resources, their power increases. These reasons are why as men and women get older, the typical age gap increases.

You were trotting out the old cliche about how women's 'power' in the 'dating market' is exclusively linked to their youthful looks, whereas men's is all about 'status and resources' which increase as they age.

The reality is that middle aged men are not attractive to young women. The 'dating market' is full of them, but women don't want them.

It is remarkable what a different conversation you're trying to have than the one this thread is about.

But most men don't "accumulate status and resources" as they age.

I never said they did. However, those that do have a significantly more opportunities in the dating market.

@randomchap yep very outdated, just an excuse to date young.

Half the man's age plus 7 years is the minimum age he should date. Originally that was meant to be the ideal age he should marry.

Very much outdated to me but some people still mention it

It was on the last page

Save me clicking through 12 pages and tell me the rule you're taking about please 😅

We don’t know that one did. The article says the provenance is unclear.

And I would have hoped we'd moved on since then, but I still hear it being mentioned by both men and women.

Where it came from originally isn't that important, it's recognising that it's an outdated and sexist rule that is important

I had a relationship with a 31 yr old when I was 17 that went on until I was 22. I only realised how repellent it was when I reached 31.

Men do not get better looking or get more status, they like to think they do but it's very rare.
Most look like rugged skinned potatoes with eyes and pot bellies. They are deluded.

@Disturbia81 and science actually supports the view that they are deluded. Studies show that men tend to rate themselves as more attractive than other people rate them, whereas women tend to rate themselves as less attractive.

(retired from rugby at 40 and now only do undignfied boxing sparring)

😀

@randomchap @IcedPurple

Interesting. Why am I not surprised that a man came up with this 'rule'?

I also note that it's from 1903, long before women could easily support themselves independently.

Women under the age of 25 have a great deal of power when it comes to dating. After than it diminishes over time. Conversely, as men accumulate status and resources, their power increases. These reasons are why as men and women get older, the typical age gap increases.

@HelmholtzWatson only the man manages to retain his looks, which let's face it, the majority of men over 35 don't. Men I know in their 40s who tried to date women in their 20s had a rude awakening.

Even for men who do manage to date younger, it tends to backfire once the women gets into her 40s and wants someone who can match her energy, instead of a doddery old man.

Anthropologically speaking (if not biologically) men and women look for different things. A 40 plus woman is very unlikely to be looking for shagging material in a teen boy. Her needs are different.
Men both biologically and socio-anthropologically speaking still have a reproductive goal - even if not consciously, til much later in life.
Even setting that aside, youth and vitality are important often in instinctive sexual attraction (for the reason of choosing a fertile mate).
If you consider men and women different fundamentally, which I think most of mumnet do then one cannot argue that we are the same about that. Or that is cognitive dissonance surely?

11 years between DH and me.

I think very large age gaps are. The only one I am aware of is my sister who met her husband when she was barely 20 and her husband was 40. They are still together almost 30 years later.

There is a 13 year gap between me and DH and that doesn’t seem so unusual. At least, not the circles I move in.

Anecdotally pretty much everyone I know is within 10 year age of their spouse. These large gaps must be quite unusual

@focacciamuffin Yep. I don't like seeing it, especially as it's usually only one way around.

Why thankfully? Does a difference in other people’s ages negatively affect you in any way?

To avoid any doubt, perhaps all single people should wear an age badge. Like the ones you seen on birthday cards.

@IcedPurple Exactly, thankfully most people I see in life are with people their own age, anything else is a rare anomaly.

There's a real cliche around that all young women are slim and gorgeous, and all middle aged men are rich, and this is the source of their 'power', so young women and older men are a 'natural' match.

However, in reality neither is true. There are lots of overweight and unattractive young women. Most are pretty average. Few are gorgeous. Most middle aged men are not rich at all, and don't have any status to speak of. Besides, as others have said, these days women earn their own money so don't need to marry a man they would otherwise find unattractive just because he owns his own home in Basingstoke.

Women prefer men they find compatible and attractive. Which usually means men about their own age.

The majority of middle-aged men are just regular, boring, balding, beer-drinking, football loving guys with average jobs and more than a few have a porn addiction and misogynistic views.

There are not business tycoons or film stars.

There seem to be lot of middle-aged business tycoons and film stars who are boring, balding, beer drinking, football loving guys with a porn addiction and misogynistic views too. It's not the exclusive preserve of the guys with average jobs.