Grown Men Dating Teenagers

I don’t think it’s always disgusting or weird I think it depends. I had a relationship with a man 20 years older than me when I was almost 20 . We had a child. He’s a great man , not creepy and had never been in an age gap relationship before or since me. We met, fell in love , had a healthy relationship and split on good terms and have remained great friends and co parents . Our child is now 21. No one I know ever thought of him as creepy. I certainly don’t.

I know of another man who has had repeated age gap relationships . The first was 19 and he was 40. Currently he’s 48 and his latest girlfriend is ( a very young looking ) 22. He dresses young , drives a “boy racer” car and just gives me the creeps .

For me there was no specific age related reason that I went for him - age was irrelevant . However , now I am in no way attracted to him and haven’t been for a very long time. I can’t imagine being with him in that way . Attraction had nothing to do with the split but I know had we stayed together I wouldn’t have been attracted to him still at this point. Age also definitely played a part in us not working - we wanted different things , I wanted to socialise and enjoy life he wanted to work and relax- family time , Sunday roasts , garden centres - and that was it.

The whole premise of that tv show is grim. It's likely insecure older women who need an ego boost thinking they still have it and can pull a younger man. Fame for the younger man too. Win win. It's just as wrong if the sexes are reversed.

My friend married her teacher! As a teacher myself I can't get my head around not seeing the ex student as a child still

This was true when I was a teenager and still is. I don't think it will ever change actually. I used to avoid the fathers of my friends and wart good reason. One friend who did the babysitting for another friends family was raped by the father when he drove her back home to her parents. He imagined because he was handsome (he was) that she would be interested. She had zero understanding of men at that time and it affected her whole life. None of us said anything. He was very flirtatious

I saw a clip of that programme milf manor, women aged between 45-59 aprox foaming at the mouth for a group of early young twenty something boys. It was embarrassing. Most of these women have sons this age. Why would a 59 year old date a 21 year old? Creepy. Same as it would be the other way round.

Possibly new in the sense that "women" can have dicks now

It's not a concept at all, legally. In the UK it is not possible for a woman to rape a man, as rape is specifically defined as penetration with a penis.

Yes, I notice this with dd. I actually think men 40 up are the ones hugely addicted to porn. I think younger men are trying to pull away from it more, where 40+ still see the novelty because they didn't have it when they were younger.

Also younger men have grown up having better understanding that women haven't had great chances in history, they are recognising that women aren't just sex/baby machines (NALM as men would always point out!) and trying to explore other options - if you listen to the R4 podcast About The Boys you'll hear them saying they wished they were born in a different decade, pre-porn.

I think 40+ men are struggling to be role models to boys because of this and it is impacting our current teens. It's older men who try to gaslight and say porn isn't a problem everyone does it etc etc (and have usually lost relationships over their porn use), not the younger ones.

Hartley99

sadly I agree with you, I can remember how much male attention I would get and my friends in our school uniform (I suddenly had huge boobs on a tiny little frame and looked 12 with I was 14)

I can remember how men I knew, friends dads (not all) would look at me differently and would often make suggestive comments they would behave differently too

Oh yes. Some friends of mine have a 13 year old DD. She is tall and slim and looks a year or two older than 13, but doesn't dress "older". They were having a family pub lunch when some old perv thought it perfectly acceptable to send her over a glass of wine with his compliments. Her dad went over, told him her age, and he didn't even have the grace to apologise.

@Hartley99 Fucking grim. A friend I once knew in his 40s said a teenager was flirting with him and was very excited by it. No longer a friend. He still tries to get in touch by my boundaries are high when it comes to sick fucks.

Absolutely. In fact, I suspect the majority of men over 40 secretly fantasise about underage girls. Of course, there is a difference between fantasy and reality. No doubt many of them wouldn’t act on that fantasy. But many would - given the chance. Think of all the men you know. How many of them would you leave alone with your pretty 14-year-old daughter? I can think of at least three older men in my neighbourhood I would never trust.

Because childhood trauma, emotional neglect and unavailable fathers.

Yes, that's me. I think it's absolutely inappropriate and many levels of wrong.

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Hartley99

Yes. When you have daughters you notice these ogling, inappropriate pervs everywhere. & its a reminder of going through the same at a really young age. I was still in school uniform when I got comments and approaches. Including from old gits at older family and friends gatherings. I do think its an age thing, and these men kidding themselves they can compete with young men. They don't seem to be able to accept their youth has fled but I wouldnt say men a bit younger don't do it; mens say in their 30s chasing 15 year olds is common enough. They all just want sex with a young tight body don't they.

Most relationships I know are couples of similar age, there aren't hordes of young girls chasing older men although patriarchal society and media strive to plant the thought that there are.

I actually think theres far more paedophiles, ephebophiles and hebephiles than we realise.

When we were 15/16 a few of us dated guys in their mid 20s. It seemed fine but one of the 'couples' went on to get married and are still together now many years later. They have a 15 year old daughter now and it gives me the ick knowing that my friend was that age when she got together with her husband. We were just kids.

I remember that being the case when I was 12, nearly 30 years ago. Often among 60 plus year olds too which made me want to puke.

Yes!
I put down to men losing inhibitions as they get older, plus their generation generally being encouraged to perv and not be called out on inappropriateness etc

When I was younger, I was attracted to men from late 20s to early/ mid 30s. Blame early exposure to Harrison Ford. In my 40s, I'm attracted to men 30-50. And dh, of course. Even though he's over 50. But he's not in my head cos I can't reconcile 50+ with my generation. That's my parents'.

Has anyone else noticed how men of a certain age (say 40-45+) seem to develop a weird lust for very young girls? Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think guys in their 20s or 30s feel the same. Something seems to change when men hit middle-age. I became very aware of it one summer when I took my slim, and very pretty, 12-year-old niece into town. It was a hot summer, so she had bare legs and a tight top. The number of pervy looks she got off older men disgusted me. And these were men in their 50s and 60s - often out shopping with their wives. But it never seemed to be men in their 20s, that’s what struck me. We would pass groups of lads in their 20s or early 30s and they’d ignore her.

A couple more examples. We used to meet my in-laws for a drink on a Sunday, and during the hot weather would sit in the beer garden. Several times I caught my FIL (in his 60s) ogling the young girls on the swings (we’re talking 11-14). He would do it when he thought no one was looking. I was also told by a neighbour that the old boy who lived opposite (70+) made some very inappropriate remarks to her then 13-year-old daughter. I always liked the old chap, so this really disappointed me. Has anyone else noticed this?

My son who is in his mid 30s would be repulsed at the thought of being with someone younger than mid 20s

He is sweet getting you to believe that.

It is not 'absolute nonsense' that sexist views are rife among men. You are correct that it has no place in the modern world but the reality is that regardless, sexism is everywhere. I appreciate that many, perhaps even most, men don't think that way but I think it is wildly optimistic that applies to 99% of men.

It is good that you acknowledge and respect that women are good at running companies but that doesn't negate the reality that it is overwhelmingly men who are appointed to run companies. Why do you think that would be?

Please do not negate and dismiss as nonsense the lived experience of women much of which is accessible on this thread. The respect you say you have for women should come in handy to help you avoid that.