To be upset over no coffee?

Thing is you weren't there so you don't know. He made the best decision he thought he could. Go and get yourself a coffee next time

I know. This is about more than coffee.

Such a drip coffee feed by OP here

Do you work for him too @Tamrastarr ?

I can't imagine getting upset over a coffee !

Just make one at home. If the coffee at home isn't that nice, buy a better brand, you will save yourself a fortune and no-one has the faff of parking or generating yet more rubbish for landfill.

This is a massive drip feed!!

Me too. I can't work this one out at all, but she does sound unreasonable.

@Tamrastarr I totally see your point it's just about being kind and doing little things like this in a marriage to make the other person happy ! My husband would definitely bring back the coffee as I would for him. Yes it's annoying when you can't get parked etc but it's not impossible

I don’t understand how you were helping him out by cleaning the house?

Men get slates on here for “doing their wives a favour” if they clean or look after the child.

I agree with your husband though if it was too busy to park in town it was too busy particularly just for a coffee… and I say that as someone who gets a coffee out in a cafe every day.

This is what you should think about.

It would've been nice if he made the effort to buy you something you enjoy anyway. But I can also see if he's had a physically hard day , he might just have wanted to get home if he couldn't just park. I know I'd have felt like that and as a couldn't be fussed with all the coffee take out person , I would ve not really been happy with the faff. Sounds like you are a bit fraught and hopefully if all else is good you'll move on. Ideally he'd of apologised and you would ve accepted that.

The real problem is that he ordered you to do unpaid work for his business which he knows is physically too demanding for you at the moment and instead of saying no, you went and did it. You shouldn’t be cleaning his business premises with a bad back. It is on him to find able bodied people to help.

The coffee situation is just the final straw.

YABU.

It was just a coffee. You are making a huge deal over a 1 hot drink.

There may be bigger issues if you feel he doesn’t appreciate you generally, but this standalone incident is a nothing.

Also, stop being a martyr and a people pleaser. If you have a bad back, don’t agree to clean someome’s workplace, regardless of who they are.

If you weren't physically up to it you needed to say no. He can't tell you what to do.

The coffee would have been a nice gesture as a thanks for helping out. He doesn't seem very appreciative

And you are not getting upset at the wrong thing. Sure, anyone can trivialise the importance of coffee. But it’s completely beside the point. You worked hard, doing him a favour, your back hurts and you wanted a coffee. I love coffee too and I would have been disappointed.

When people do you a favour like a massive cleaning job it is poor form not to provide tea, coffee, beverages etc.

Getting you a coffee is the very least he could have done to show appreciation for your efforts. A decent partner/husband/OH would have given you a back rub too.

YANBU at all. You did him a massive favour that took how many hours of your time? The least he could do is find a parking spot to get you a coffee. Lazy, ungrateful, prick.

Don’t go out of your way to help him again.

"We had some people coming today to do a big clean, as are having work stated this week, but we were let down at the last minute."
Lots of 'we' but its not your house?

THIS! OP, respectfully, you seem to be focusing on the wrong thing.

You’re getting upset about the wrong thing. No take-out coffee is trivial. Being made to do cleaning when you have a bad back isn’t. Women do seem to do this a lot - lie down and let men stomp all over them and then complain that they have a slightly dirty footprint on their face.

So he paid his brother but not you, you have a bad back as well and he couldn’t get you coffee?? Tell him whatever his victim attitude he s made sure you’ll not be helping him next time, since he couldn’t even show the smallest appreciation and seemed to think you being upset about that was a reason to get angry. Never back down when men get upset because they are shit. I hope you don’t do much at home, you need to take a week off doing things for other people at home to rest your back. Dinner- what’s that? Washing- they are your clothes, you’re an adult, I’m resting my back after doing some heavy duty cleaning with a bad back for a jerk who couldn’t even show the smallest appreciation. Don’t worry it won’t ever happen again, but I’m not doing anything else to my back this week including washing.

either both of you are responsible for the property (‘we were let down’) or just your partner (‘his business property’). Which is it?

if the latter then you didn’t ‘need to’ participate in the cleaning, when you have back pain going on. You did him a favour and don’t feel appreciated or cared for, which can inform your decision next time he wants a favour.

Now you know next time say no. Consequences of being a thoughtless arse.

Sounds a bit dramatic. I love coffee but I’d have said “okay, you can make it up to me later with a takeaway dinner instead”.

He told you that you had to clean his business property when you had a bad back?! I would have told him where to stick his business property.

My DH would have made a special journey to get me a particular coffee if I were injured and wanted one. He has also banned me from doing anything that would have made me worse when I was ill. Cleaning when you have a bad back is really not a good idea.