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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think he should wait up for ds

34 replies

lurchersforever · 05/05/2024 20:32

I would appreciate some perspective here as I admit I can't really stand my ex so I tend to think the worst of him in most cases.

Kids stay with him a couple of nights a week. Ds17 sees friends on weekend evenings and this involves being in the park or someone's house until 12 - which is his curfew when with me. He then walks home. I used to pick him up but haven't for the last 18 months or so. Parties can be a bit later, but not many of these happen! We live in a small semi-rural town and all his male friends do the same as him, and some of the girls, though some girls do get picked up still from what I can see.

It has transpired that when he stays at ex's he has no curfew and ex is always asleep when he gets in. I think this is wrong. If something happened and he didn't get back ex wouldn't even realise until the morning, which makes me feel really anxious. Last night he was at ex's and I couldn't relax and was tracking his phone and ended up ringing him at 1am when it showed him still on the streets. He was with a biggish group (I could hear them) and said he would be walking home with a lad who lives on ex's street shortly, which he did. I now feel I can never relax when he is at ex's.

DS doesn't drink - never has and never wants to but I just feel uncomfortable knowing he could go missing/have an accident and it wouldn't be addressed for hours. Or AIBU?

OP posts:
Jobsharenightmare · 05/05/2024 20:43

He's not old enough to be a legal adult but even if he was it's always sensible to walk home with someone else if you must walk and plan that someone will know if you're missing.

cansu · 05/05/2024 20:42

I think your 17 year old needs to get in earlier. I wouldn't want to have to wait up for him to come in at midnight either. I guess his dad goes to bed earlier and therefore doesn't check on ds. In all honesty how will you win here? Your ex will say he is not staying up to wait fir him. Your ds will refuse to come home earlier. I understand that you prefer to check he is safe but in a few months he could be at uni or wherever and you won't know what on earth he is doing. Maybe you need to accept this.

cranberrypi · 05/05/2024 20:42

lurchersforever · 05/05/2024 20:40

Gosh - it's not a gang! These are lovely kids and it's a mixed group. They do hang out in the two parks we have and play football etc then wander around walking each other home.

I wonder if other people having to walk past them in the dark think they are so lovely.

baileys6904 · 05/05/2024 20:41

So if they're a lovely group and not up to anything bad, what's the issue?

Original poster
lurchersforever · 05/05/2024 20:40

Gosh - it's not a gang! These are lovely kids and it's a mixed group. They do hang out in the two parks we have and play football etc then wander around walking each other home.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 05/05/2024 20:38

At 17 I think you need to be making sure he is the one adult enough to take responsibility for his actions but I wouldn’t expect someone to be waiting up for him.

Sugarcoatedalmonds · 05/05/2024 20:37

I wouldn't be happy with this at all! Especially at 17, he's still a kid really and anything could happen.

My mum always waits up for me (even as an adult when I go to visit them!)

thanKyouaIMee · 05/05/2024 20:37

He's 17 and deciding to roam the streets in a large group at 1am? That's a bit ridiculous tbh!

However your ex doesn't need to stay up until he comes home (especially if he's out and about that late) to ease your anxiety about that situation.

cranberrypi · 05/05/2024 20:35

Why are you allowing your son to hang around in a big gang on the streets late at night? Obviously there is going to be trouble. It doesn't matter whether anyone waits up for him or not.