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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was this rude? I can't tell.

35 replies

annabannana1 · 05/05/2024 17:59

So DH DS and I arranged to meet another family we have known for years from baby classes, today in the park at 10, been arranged for three weeks.
They did not turn up and we waited around in the horrible drizzle for about half an hour, DH thought maybe their youngest was having a longer nap so we then waited til 11, then I text to ask if they were coming down or if we got the wrong park.
Nothing until 12 when she said she's been busy with her DH family and wasn't going to be able to make it. Two hours after we'd arranged to meet. They'd even text in the morning to confirm plans.
DD gets on with their kids v well, we've met up at certain points over the years, DD had also made their kids cakes and was v excited to see them so she was disappointed.
Now I thought this was a bit rude and I was fuming, but I lost my mum last year unexpectedly and find it quite hard to get out and about with people still (horrible diagnosis, died a few days later), which they know so not sure if I'm being over sensitive due to this... so Is it rude or AIBU?

OP posts:
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Edenmum2 · 05/05/2024 21:57

It was definitely rude but I do admit I have a friend that does this to me a lot. I always take our meet ups with a pinch of salt knowing she may not turn up. I know it's bad form from her so I keep her at arms length but I'm pretty easy going and we have fun when we do meet.

If it's a one off I wouldn't hold it against them. How often do you meet? Everyone has crazy days, I doubt it was malicious.

Sorry about your mum, I understand that must affect a lot of your day to day life. Try not to add unnecessary stress into it though with things you can't change x

godmum56 · 05/05/2024 21:10

MereDintofPandiculation · 05/05/2024 18:01

Unless there was a mega crisis (threat of imminent death) in her DH's family, that was rude.

this.

papadontpreach2me · 05/05/2024 20:52

That's terrible op. Do not make plans again with them.

They confirmed, then a better offer came up and they still never let you know today wasn't going to happen.

They're shitty friends.

Trulyme · 05/05/2024 20:48

So rude!!

You and your DH seem like lovely people and you do not need ‘friends’ like this in your life.

Original poster
annabannana1 · 05/05/2024 19:09

Thanks to all ref my mum and I'm sorry to those who have also had losses Flowers
It's really knocked me for six.
To clarify a few things..she suggested to meet up, and the place, and the time (around their DD naps).
We totally have them the benefit of the doubt the entire time until her msg was just 'sorry we got caught up with DH family and can't make today'.
I know they are v close to his family and often see them, but then why suggest to meet up and why wait two hours.
I don't know if they have form for this. Another friend from our baby group used to meet up with them regularly and this stopped, when I asked this friend why she said meet ups got tricky. I don't see the other mum regularly to ask.

OP posts:
Yupppp · 05/05/2024 19:02

Really sorry your mum died in such a cruel way. Hugs.

Iwantamarshmallowman · 05/05/2024 18:56

very, very rude. That would be an end to the friendship for me.

maudelovesharold · 05/05/2024 18:48

Nothing until 12 when she said she's been busy with her DH family and wasn't going to be able to make it. Two hours after we'd arranged to meet. They'd even text in the morning to confirm plans.

I wouldn’t be able to resist a PA reply -

“Ah, sorry, I didn’t realise it was a ‘see you if we see you’ arrangement when you confirmed times this morning. If I’d known, we would have gone home, instead of waiting around in the rain like lemons! Hope all ok with your dh’s family.”

Cuppateatea · 05/05/2024 18:43

Yep bloody rude! I absolutely do not get people who think it’s ok to do things like this? CFs
I wouldn’t bother with them again!

purpleme12 · 05/05/2024 18:40

Very rude.

I had a friend who we'd arrange something with, down to the day and time and everything but then nothing.
Then one time she didn't show up at all. I warned my child we'll just go, have a good time and she might not show up.
Well after that I never bothered again. But I did text her to say we're here if you're coming. And nothing!
You can't understand it

muggart · 05/05/2024 18:33

Did she not realise it was a firm plan? It sounds very rude indeed.

buckeejit · 05/05/2024 18:21

And I'm sorry for your loss op - I had the same quick loss with my dad last year, after a slower loss with mum the year before. It sucks 💐

Pigeonqueen · 05/05/2024 18:19

Very rude.

buckeejit · 05/05/2024 18:19

So rude & disrespectful

ineedtostopbeingdramaticfirst · 05/05/2024 18:18

Very rude. I think some people view it as 'X is going park anyway so it doesn't matter if I'm there.' As opposed to 'I'm meeting X at the park'

But I don't understand that mind set

desperatedaysareover · 05/05/2024 18:16

Sorry about your mum.

The only way I can think it’s not rude is if there’s been a communication breakdown of some sort - like she thought you were heading there anyway and maybe meeting others or something? Or something awful happened as they were leaving the house and two hours later she offered a thin excuse in the wake of some terrible event.

But honestly, the reason I’m trying to think of reasons to give her the benefit of the doubt is cos the alternative scenario of leaving someone hanging for two hours is just SO alien I’m like ‘surely nobody does that’ 😳 and if they/I ever did I’d expect/offer profuse apologies as well. So maybe it was just total lack of manners, yeah. Are they usually flakey/rude?

Original poster
annabannana1 · 05/05/2024 18:13

Ok thanks all. I thought it was awfully rude but I didn't know whether the fact that they were with family made me over sensitive.
I've not replied and prob won't. I don't know what to say and we have some mutual friends I don't want her to bitch about me to.
DH who is very laid back and gave them the benefit of the doubt for the morning is now definitely in the camp of that bridge is burnt.
And we ate all the cakes!

OP posts:
ManagedMove · 05/05/2024 18:13

Honestly unforgivable rude as far as I'm concerned. I'd be polite in future because of the kids but that's it.

Hermittrismegistus · 05/05/2024 18:11

If it's not their normal behaviour then I'd assume they'd had a huge row or something and didn't want to say.

ICanFixHim · 05/05/2024 18:08

So fucking rude. What did you reply OP?

PistachioCroissant · 05/05/2024 18:08

Absolutely outrageous.

Did you reply by saying oh that's a shame, we've been waiting here for you in the rain, I wish you'd let us know.

People can be so selfish.

Josette77 · 05/05/2024 18:07

I'm VERY easygoing and this would piss me off.

Horrendously rude.

I am also very sorry for your loss. ❤️ You should be proud you got yourself out today even though the other family were asses.

drusth · 05/05/2024 18:05

Unforgivably rude. Don’t meet them again and don’t make any cakes for them.

FannyFifer · 05/05/2024 18:04

Wow, that's beyond rude, especially to text in morning to confirm then just not show up.
I'd be ditching them, not friends.

LauderSyme · 05/05/2024 18:04

Of course it was rude! You don't text 2 hours late to say you can't make it.

Condolences for the loss of your mum 💐

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