Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL said my 2 year old is manipulative

38 replies

Sunshine1996 · 05/05/2024 17:28

DS turned 2 a couple of weeks ago. MIL moved around 3-4 hours away when DS was first born so has never had a close relationship with him, and also has made it clear she prefers my DD who is 3.
DS has severe glue ear in both ears confirmed by the hospital and we are waiting for grommets, it’s impacting his hearing and speech. DS does get frustrated and can have normal 2 year old temper tantrums. He’s also a runner, climber.. all the things DD wasn’t. While seeing us over the last few days MIL has said he is a nightmare, way worse than my partner ever was (who she also labelled a nightmare child) and today she called clever but very deceiving and manipulative? How can a just turned 2 year old be manipulative? I hold my hands up and say he can be tricky but it breaks my heart how she never has anything nice to say about him.

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 05/05/2024 17:51

She sounds like a piece of shit OP. Hopefully she won’t visit too often.

He sounds like a normal little boy with lots of energy. Could she be interpreting his efforts to communicate as manipulation? I’m wondering if the glue ear means he adopts a more physical or expressive communication style rather than relying on the normal Q & A.

such a nasty thing to say.

JSMill · 05/05/2024 17:50

I don't think it's about her generation. My ds at the age of 2 sounds a bit like your ds. From when he was a baby I had constant negative comparisons to BIL who apparently was a nightmare child. It was as if it was a fate set in stone. However I did think from the way she interacted with ds that if she was like that with her ds no wonder she had problems. My own dm would say more positive things like he's still learning, he's only little etc etc. Thank goodness I had more positive support from my dm, who was calm, positive and nurturing. I think your MIL is just crap with kids.

Tashface · 05/05/2024 17:44

Wow. There's a word for your MIL but it has eight less letters in it than the word manipulative!

fantasmasgoria1 · 05/05/2024 17:42

How old is your mil? Just that someone said her view is quite common of that generation but she may only be in her 40s or 50s!

bloodyplumbing · 05/05/2024 17:42

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 05/05/2024 17:40

All young children are manipulative to a degree. They cry and scream more to get what they want. It’s just that normal decent adults don’t label that as ‘manipulative’.

Perhaps as pp said it just triggers her own memories of when she parented her son. Fwiw I find boisterous boys really irritating (have not had to parent one) whereas their parents find them adorable. Ofc I wouldn’t voice that opinion out loud. But also in my experience with parents who have girls, even the boisterous ones don’t behave like the boys do.

Wow!

What a nasty post.....

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 05/05/2024 17:40

All young children are manipulative to a degree. They cry and scream more to get what they want. It’s just that normal decent adults don’t label that as ‘manipulative’.

Perhaps as pp said it just triggers her own memories of when she parented her son. Fwiw I find boisterous boys really irritating (have not had to parent one) whereas their parents find them adorable. Ofc I wouldn’t voice that opinion out loud. But also in my experience with parents who have girls, even the boisterous ones don’t behave like the boys do.

bloodyplumbing · 05/05/2024 17:40

Nasty piece of work she is!

SwingTheMonkey · 05/05/2024 17:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

fatphalange · 05/05/2024 17:36

Wow, what a horrible woman.

Springadorable · 05/05/2024 17:35

He can't hear, he can't communicate - no wonder he's frustrated. What a horrible thing to say about someone who's having a tough time.

Grendacious · 05/05/2024 17:34

Well I suppose all toddlers could be called manipulative in a way - e.g. they can turn on crying more than needed just to get what they want. That's normal and not something to be horrified about. Her characteristisation of her tiny grandson is horrible, what a way to view him. Perhaps she disliked being a mum to her son and the similar 'nightmare' behaviour has stirred up old feelings in a way her calm granddaughter didn't. Either way I'd be cautious about favouritism and letting her make your DS feel she doesn't like him.

Edited for typos.

coldcallerbaiter · 05/05/2024 17:33

I have seen manipulative children but not at 2. Seen it from about 4 or 5 onwards. Most grew out of it, others didn’t. I do not think a 2 year old has that capacity and anyway it is her gc so it is an odd observation anyway.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 05/05/2024 17:30

"Don't be silly, MIL. He's two."