MIL said my 2 year old is manipulative

Why did you listen to her when she told you to ignore him? Not to blame just to question your reaction, was it fear of her or surprise? Either way why are you seeing her tomorrow?

you forgot the 'tinkly laugh' at the end

I do not understand at all why you put him down on her say so. I'd have walked away from her, holding him, till he settled, her command would have been instantly ignored. Yes, definitely.

Protect him.

FFS children of 2 do what's needed to get their needs across, it's just what they do! They develop, learn more complex ways to get their voices out and grow! I'd rather have a2 year old who can get their needs across than sit there like a doll.
Your DH does need that conversation, her nonsense isn't acceptable or needed, you'll find your way, so will he and I've no doubt he'll grow up well rounded, with caring parents, kids don't do well with negativity hurled at them so your mil needs to butt out

Please don't see her again tomorrow. Your DH needs to speak to her before she is anywhere near your son again.

Don't let her dictate how you parent.

How ironic she is manipulating you while accusing a baby of being manipulative.

She doesn't just sound stupid, she sounds cruel.

Not a chance I would be putting my son in a position where he has to spend any more time with her than is absolutely necessary.

She doesn't deserve a close relationship with your children because she is cruel and labelling your son with harmful descriptions while also making your daughter the golden child - all kinds of toxic and harmful. And no good for anyone. Making you anxious, causing tension between you and DH, trying to make your son the 'bad' one and your daughter the 'good' one.

Being a parent means putting your children first. Hold onto that and make decisions with that front and centre. She isn't an appropriate adult to be in a position of influence in their lives.

The fact you did what she said when your baby was crying for you (I understand you were caught in the back foot so went along with it without time to think) shows she has no respect for you as a mother and no regard for your son's wellbeing.

You don't have to have her in your home alone without DH there to act as a United front or deal with her ridiculousness himself. Please don't put yourself through that tomorrow

WTF are you seeing an unpleasant woman in your free time?

Your DH is responsible for his mother, not you.

Cancel now. Tell her you can't make it as you are washing your hair.

Why?

Why in fuck would you put a toddler - who can't fucking hear much - anywhere near that woman again tomorrow?

Grow a spine and do something nice with the children. Don't subject him to her another second.

Don't spend your day off with her tomorrow OP. Stand up for yourself and you poor DS! He doesn't deserve to be spoken about like this

Your husband needs to tell his mum to stop it, that's enough.

But. You're the mummy, you know your little one, please don't take any more notice of her suggestions. If Ds needs a cuddle, attention, a post-nap snack* go ahead.

*Mine were shockers for being hangry after nap time, a malted milk biscuit to the rescue more than once.

Shes a nasty bitch who wouldnt be getting within 100 metres.of my kids

After your update, OP it’s probably best to create some distance. The part about laughing at your two year old crying made my stomach turn. Don’t take her advice, I’d suggest if your DS bothers her to the point she feels the need to be cruel, she should not bother coming over.

Some people actually don’t like children. Your MIL sounds like one of them. She seems to want your son to control his very normal, age appropriate reactions, yet she can’t control herself from being an absolute prick!

2 year olds ARE manipulative. They’re designed to be wtf it is a regular stage of human development. It’s like she called your kid “selfish”… well duh! These other skills, like sharing, proper communication, emotional intelligence etc come in later as we teach them.

Does your husband have a sibling, and does MIL think this sibling can do no wrong?

Patterns in families are odd things.

Ridiculous. Obviously toddlers try and get their own way. But if I were you I'd tell her she needs to question her own intelligence if she's being psychologically manipulated by someone in nappies! Imagine being so hateful towards a little child. And to favour their sibling? Awful behaviour from them and far from mature.

I would tell her that it’s not ok to refer to your son like that; what she said is neither constructive, helpful or kind. 2 year olds don’t have the capacity to be “manipulative” in the way that most adults use that word. It’s like people referring to a newborn as “clingy”, of course they are - that’s how human infants are designed so they survive. I’m sorry it’s upset you, but luckily you are his mother and not her!

I think lots of toddlers are manipulative! But it’s a sign of intelligence and how they’re getting to grips with how the world works and how they can get what they desire out of it. However clearly your MIL was saying it in a derogative way, I think the next time she says something negative you have to address it directly, let her know you won’t tolerate her talking negatively about a 2 year old and hope that drawing that boundary stops her.

I’d very firmly tell her to stop with the nasty and ignorant comments. If she doesn’t, see a lot less of her.

Jeeezzz I actually agree that 2 yo can be manipulative, but not in the way she said this!
It's a normal way to test boundaries, and not intentional like with an adult.

I'd speak up - 'if you can't say anything nice about DS don't comment at all'

Good Lord. A toddler being described as manipulative??

Your mil is a grade A clown.

Aren't all two year olds manipulative ? How else does a baby get they need ? I would ignore MIL ?

Children are by their very nature manipulative. It's a survival tool and a life skill. The problem is that she is presenting it as a negative trait in a young child. I really wouldn't rise to it or give much of a response.

I think there is a degree of manipulation ingrained in our natural survival instincts, but it's not a conscious act at that age I don't think.

I think it's a bit off for your MIL to be saying this about a 2 year old who is struggling to communicate.