So sorry this is in AIBU. Just had a call today that my dad who I haven't had much contact with is dying. I've been sat in the hospital with him today and his side of the family so my aunty, uncles and a few cousins. I'm his only child. He's been poorly for a while but it's all come to a head now and he only has hours left. He's asleep and comfortable. I'm in contact with cousins over Facebook but my dad hasn't been in my life since I was 3 years old. Obviously over the years I've seen him when I have been to stay with family on that side of the family and for other things like funerals. We've never been close. He's only half an hour drive from me and has never made any effort to see me on his own back. I had an awful childhood with step dads etc. My dad knew about my abuse etc but never stepped in. When I was 14 I ran away from home to live with him and his girlfriend but got sent home after a week. Now he's dying. I've tried to contact him over the last year but he never replies. I just think my family must look at me think I'm a fraud for being by his bedside. I have a fantastic step dad who has been in my life since I was a teen and I would be absolutely distraught if anything happened to him. With my bio dad I'm numb. There's so much I would have loved to know about him. He's been a heavy drinker all his life and quite an angry man but I still would have liked him to make the effort with his only child and now his grandchildren. I don't know why I'm writing this. It just feels so so weird that part of my life I didn't really know about is ending. Does that make sense. And will the family see me as a hanger on? My cousins and aunty and uncles live close to him and see him regularly. They probably wonder why I haven't made the effort. Sorry if sound selfish I'm just trying to process things.