To send DH and kids on holiday without me

I’m with your husband on this one. This likely means a lot to him, your children and father-in-law who books and pays to spend time with his extended family.

You can always book yourself a week/end for pampering at some other time.

I’m somewhat baffled at all the responses saying your DH is selfish for wanting to put you through it!
It’s a holiday in a beach house and it’s sounding like you’re having to endure some horrendous week of purgatory.
Your children will be running around on the beach - why do you want to miss all that?
It’s your DHs favourite tradition - why can’t you support that?
Your FiL obviously gets a lot of pleasure taking you all - does this mean nothing to you?
Can you not go off for a massage, a walk, dinner with DH while you’re there?
Like I said, baffled! 😮

I can’t imagine having to go on holiday with the in-laws every year! Especially wasting that holiday time when you don’t enjoy it.

He must see it’s his family? So can’t really call it a ‘family holiday’ it’s a holiday with his family.

As long as you all go away as a family another time I think it sounds perfect if you stay at home this year. I would.

Take a week off for something more exciting to you later in the year.

If you send the kids with DH, the SIL will end up as default mother regardless of how good a parent your DH is. This wouldn't be fair on her.

Are family holidays by a beach not supposed to be all about the kids having fun on the beach?

What exactly is your problem with BIL and SIL? They're nice people who have their act together as parents and adults?

What is going on under the surface that makes you feel ordinary family stuff is boring?

Depends on dh's reason you go. Genuine family time or so you can be the main parent while he relaxes with his outer family.... How far to drive? Join them after that Very Important Appointment
....

I couldn't imagine doing this. We go to visit my ILs overseas every year and I often find it dull, but my dcs would be devastated if I didn't go. And I'd be upset if my DH didn't want to come on a family holiday with me and the dcs. I just use it as a time to chill and catch up on reading and admin. If possible I'd try to encourage some interesting day trips for the kids - we've had some brilliant holidays on IoW.

It’s a bloody pain in the arse to get to for a couple of days - depends if you need a car to get back home. Car ferry costs an absolute fortune. Would be different, I think, if it was just you and dh.
I’d stay home…

YANBU….i have waved my family off with their father every year to go skiing. Best week of the year for me !!

How old are your children? They won't be wanting beach holidays and board games forever. I think you should go for the sake of spending time with your children and enjoy seeing them spend time with their cousins.

I’d not ‘spend’ a fifth of my A/L on myself either.

For others in different circumstances that mightn’t be an issue, eg a SAHM, teacher or term time only contract.

how many times have you been? If a lot and you’ve not enjoyed it YANBU to skip it this time.

Is it your only time away together as a family?

if you both work FT then do you have 5 days annual leave a to ‘spend’ on yourself alone?

DH and I don’t have enough annual leave to cover the school holidays so usually take a week or 10 days together in summer, and go away, some time at xmas then take separate leave. I wouldn’t be attending for a whole week with extended family as I’d prioritise the ‘main’ holiday and covering more of the DCs’ time off school.

Not a thing. My gran on mum’s side was a raging, abusive alcoholic and gran on my dad’s side lived maybe five minutes away. We had generations all living in the same area. It probably wouldn’t have occurred to my parents to take us camping, but in any case my area growing up would not have been safe enough to camp, we had no car until I was 16 (my dad subsequently lost his licence for doing something stupid in the car during a mental health crisis when I was 18), and they could never have afforded camping gear. As an adult I know we could have jumped on a bus and found a local camping spot 30 minutes away, but getting the bus was something we just never did. Weekends and holidays were spent playing in the street with friends.

Just real life for some folks.

If its your only family
holiday of the year I would say go, and make it as nice as possible to yourself, but if not, def stay at home! It will be nice for your DH to be with his family, and you can catch up on your friendships and me time.

Can you not go but spend a couple of days doing your own thing? What about suggesting taking turns to look after all the children and allow each couple a day alone together.

not even a weekend away camping? or a visit to grandparents?

Not everyone has the privilege? I throughly enjoy being able to take my own kids on holiday now, as it’s something I never did as a child. My first holiday was when I was 24.

Can you book a spa day while there? Maybe go with SIL if she would enjoy it or alone.

Do you go on any other holidays in the year? If so, then sitting this one out seems reasonable to me. If not then it’s a shame I think to miss out on a break with your family. As you don’t enjoy them, can there be a compromise where you do one holiday Isle of Wight, the next year your choice, then his, yours, etc.?

I’d go but make sure I enjoyed it too. I’d take books, headphones, go for solitary walks, a day out alone if I wanted. But if you wouldn’t enjoy it, and your kids won’t miss you too much, don’t go.

Seeing someone twice a year isn't "joined at the hip".

Any you don't know what you've missed out on because you've never done it

Could you go on a spa day on the iow?

I'm in your club too, the boredom 😩

I think it’s totally fine to not go.

He wants you there for selfish reasons - it’s highly likely the others wouldn’t really miss you in the slightest!

you never went on holiday as a kid?

Er.... no. Neither my husband nor I ever went on family holidays as a kid. None of my friends have done it with their kids. Everyone is fine. Nobody has missed out. I would find all those people way too claustrophobic and probably have murdered someone by day 3. Families don't need to be joined at the hip - I think it would be lovely for the OP have a nice, quiet solo week.