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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think you don't just sign up to a triathlon without checking first?

112 replies

7175McGee · 05/05/2024 15:57

DP has just announced they've signed up for a competitive triathlon later in the year and that it will require a huge amount of time commitment for training.

This means that a lot of evening and weekend child wrangling and general household shitwork will fall solely to me while they are out for hours training.

We both work full time, often one of us not getting home until 7pm several times a week. My argument is that DP simply does not have the lifestyle to accommodate elite athlete type training regimes. And I'm not willing to pick up all the slack just so they can say they've done a triathlon.

AIBU that there should have been some discussion with me about committing to this first? Rather than: "I'm training for a Very Important Triathlon so that I don't DIE young, so I'm just fucking off out for five hours"?

OP posts:
Lovelyview · 05/05/2024 16:22

Just to add he can get a written training schedule showing what he needs to do each week. Sort out what he's doing when so he's not just going out of the door randomly through the week.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 05/05/2024 16:20

OP has typed they all through that post, so it's entirely possible the 'D'P is female. I do think some discussion should have happened. It's a big change to your normal routine, so of course your partner should have done you the courtesy of asking if you would be willing to facilitate this, and making various offers of a quid pro quo for you.

SilverBranchGoldenPears · 05/05/2024 16:17

I used to train in the middle of the night. DP and kids were unaffected. That’s the best was to do it and entirely possible. I did iron man as a middle aged mum of small children with a full time career so if they come back with a not possible, tell them I did it!

confusedlots · 05/05/2024 16:15

So what exactly has he told you the time commitment will be? My DH has just run a marathon which involved a lot of training, but he would go for a run at 6am at the weekends and be home around 9am so it didn't really impact our weekends.

Lovelyview · 05/05/2024 16:13

He should have consulted you. Having said that, if it's something he really wants to do can you make it work? He could train early in the morning or in his lunch hour. The time black hole is the bike rides - bike training takes a lot of time but at the weekend he could get up at 6am and go for a 3 hour training session before 9am. Is there something you really want to do where he could be supportive after he has done his triathlon? My husband did a lot of marathons, several triathlons and an iron man. He is now 57 and various injuries and niggles are stopping him from doing the activities he really enjoyed in his 30s and 40s so support your dh if you can. Mine has supported me and my daughter doing a number of long distance walks and I'm also doing a degree so it's not just a one way thing. I wasn't a saint and sometimes felt very grumpy doing the child wrangling as you say but I'm glad I supported him.

MissMelanieH · 05/05/2024 16:12

You're completely right in being annoyed OP, if more of the parenting and housework burden is going to fall on you then they needed to sit down and talk it through first.
For people saying you're not supporting them, you may well have done if it had been a shared decision rather than sprung on you after the decision was made.

You need to sit down now though and talk through what the extra burden on you will be and how you can find a solution IE when is your turn to pursue an interest or get me-time.

AnnoyingPopUp · 05/05/2024 16:08

Yes but the OP’s partner has said that he IS going to be requiring “a huge amount of time commitment for training.” It’s right there in the first paragraph of her opening post.

The fact you and your partners do a few hours a week isn’t really relevant!

OP, I’d be furious. He’s expecting you to pick up all the shitwork without discussing it with you first, and hasn’t offered to give you the same amount of time back.

WYorkshireRose · 05/05/2024 16:04

I mean, it's just a hobby 🤷‍♀️ DH does 2 or 3 triathlons most years and he's certainly not training constantly to the extent you suggest. Or even where he is ramping up training closer to an event, he'll go out early in the morning or later in the evening when it doesn't have an impact on family time. As a supportive partner, I'd focus on what you can do to support him with his goals rather than trying to find reasons for him not to have them.

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 05/05/2024 16:02

Op you are right to be annoyed - of course you should have been consulted first. How would dp feel if it was the other way around?

Gymmum82 · 05/05/2024 16:01

Yeah so I think YABU. Why can’t you support him to do this? Why isn’t he allowed hobbies?
My DH is an ultra marathon runner and I’m a hyrox athlete. We both have gruelling training regimes that take up a lot of time but we both support each other so we both get the time to train.

He won’t need to be ‘out for hours’ training. He’ll need to go for maybe an hour 3 times a week plus a longer session on a weekend.
Allow him one day and you take the other while he has the kids for you. It’s about give and take.
If my husband refused to support me in my activities I’d leave him tbh

StormingNorman · 05/05/2024 16:00

What strikes me as strange is that a triathlon has come out of the blue, not that he’s booked it without asking first.

Is It a progression of another hobby (like cycling)? Has he spoken about this interest before?

HopeOneOfThosePeopleIsAMonkeyBecauseThisIsBanana · 05/05/2024 16:00

If I really wanted to do a triathlon I’d hope my partner would be suitably supportive to enable me to achieve my goal.