AIBU to think you don't just sign up to a triathlon without checking first?

Dh wanted to start training we looked at when would be best. He does 6-7 every week day morning . It doesn't impact at all. Occasionally he will do a Sunday afternoon if we are not busy.

I think you need your put your schedules together. You make sure you get some free time every week plus study time and he gets his training. Plus some time together. Put a calendar together so you feel better about it.

If I don't pass them he misses out too because I won't be able to get promoted.

And make more money, eventually enough to leave him...

However, if he's faffing you can control this, "Honey darling sweetie, I need X hours to study. If you're gone by 7am, I'll take the afternoon. If you decide to go later, I'll go to the library at 8am and you can train in the later afternoon." And leave the house. Who cares if you go to a coffee shop, the library, or sit in the car at the park. It's training of a different sort.

I'm out of the house for my run on the weekends by 7.30am. Before the rest of them are up. 10am-3pm is stupid. What's he doing for 5 hours?

I've done a triathlon.

They really don't need a massive amount of training.

I cycled to work and swam once a week, ran once a week.

Fair enough he wants to do it but in his time and he gives you back each hour.

It isn't that you're being mean and "not allowing" him to do things. The reason he cannot do all the things that he would like, is because he has two young children who he needs to care for. Perhaps he thinks they are your responsibility and he just helps you with them?

Anyhow, shared calendar, block out the periods of time when he is looking after the children and the periods when you are. Equal time. You need to spend his childcare time outside the home (doing whatever you choose).

If he says you can study while looking after the children, point out the many exercise options that can be done at home while looking after children.

Did you ask if before signing up for your exams?

I actually don't think either one of you needs to ask first btw. I think when you started doing your exams you should have sat down and agreed with him when you would study time. Same with his training, instead of arguing about whether he should do it just sit with your calendars and work out how you can both have your own time.

If he doesn't want to work out with you how you can both have time to pursue your goals or he makes it clear his is a priority then I'd be annoyed.

I would as well.
I'd still ask him first though, if I was expecting him to take on a load of extra childcare.

Don't let him leave you the dregs, take the first window instead. So you go out to the library at 9am, back at 1, plenty of time for him to go out in the afternoon. Make it clear that he's either taking the kids out or doing housework and prepping dinner in the morning, otherwise I can imagine they'd sit on screens all morning and be ratty and bored when you get back, and you'd have to entertain them AND make dinner plus housework, so make it clear he has to do (at least) one of those jobs.

If he has a problem with that, ask him why and what his solution is, and push him to come up with something that gives you a fair amount of time.

It's a vanity project. It matters to absolutely nobody, other than himself, whether he completes it or not.

This is NOT something to be undertaken with out prior consultation.

(OP, if nothing else, make sure you have his life insured.)

Agree that would annoy me a lot. However, I have a time consuming hobby too so I would go tit for tat. How about you draw up a weekly planner with both your study/whatever free time and his training time scheduled in for each week with time slots. That way you can ensure you both get equal time to do what you want.

You tell him the hours he has to train. Ie today you have 6am-9am if you don’t train in those hours then you don’t train. If you faff for 2 hours of that then you only get 1 hour.
When you need to study leave the house. Go study in a cafe or anywhere that isn’t at home. Be unavailable. Make sure you get the same time back. It has to be give and take And your husband sounds selfish

Thanks for the extra information op. Your husband is the unreasonable one because he's failing to keep to the training times you agreed and he's expecting you to compromise your study time. It also sounds like he's not prepared to have a sensible discussion about it. If you can agree a schedule and stick to it then it would be doable. Hope you manage to resolve things.

So he thinks that there are two options, selfishly train for a triathlon or get fat and die?

Has he always been a bit think?

Your partner is taking time out of YOUR day and impacting your studies.

Massively selfish and I would expect some consultation beforehand

Sounds like you'll need to ramp up your studying OP. And preferably find somewhere outside the house for it so he's forced to stay put.

For my own hobby, I get an hour a week and that is considered 'fair'.

This is the actual issue. Ask him to explain how he can train, you can get the same amount of time for your health and wellbeing and there is still time for family time. Make it his issue to solve.

sign up for the equivilant for your hobby

They?

How fit is he? It is a sprint triathlon? If so, he could do it without that much training.

If he is totally unfit, has not rung 1k, got on a bike and swam a length, then yes, he might need quite a bit of training.

This. People say that they want 'neutral' answers. Sex exists, so does sexism. Pretending there is such a thing as 'neutral' answers is stupid.

Yes, they should have discussed training and how everyone gets time off. Yes, you should support it if you can.

DH used to get up before 5am to train while DD was small. Now I go out in the evenings because she's easier. We often go for walks with DD while the other person runs. There's always a way.

As long as it’s not Ironman there’s no need for massive amounts of training
bike and runs can be done later at night

what distance is it

YANBU but jeez, please just say he or she, this "they" nonsense is just confusing. No one cares if you are a man or a woman, gay or straight.

He or she should have checked with you. Couch to 5k is one thing, a triathlon is quite another!

Sign up for the triathlon aswell (maybe just pretend if you aren't a big sporty type) and see how that goes down? Arrange diaries so you both have separate training times. I'm sure they will soon realise they are being unreasonable.