AIBU to think you don't just sign up to a triathlon without checking first?

Different posters on this thread compared to the one about the OP who wants to go to the gym once a week leaving her DD for 15 minutes! Many on that thread not so supportive of parents having any hobbies.

Something which requires this big of a commitment would be discussed first in our house. Of course we're allowed our own hobbies. But a hobby which leaves the other parent overwhelmed and doing most weekends and evenings alone? That's just selfish.

Don't play games about this. Sit down and say 'look this isn't right, this is why' then come to some sort of compromise. He doesn't get to dictate your time for his hobby and he should be able to discuss it with you and iron out time issues. If he can't then that's another problem altogether

To be fair, all hobbies are vanity projects… that’s there point isn’t it? No-one is paying any of us to do our hobbies?

I don’t disagree she should have been consulted though.

This happened to me (albeit an iron man and not a triathlon, we were already well into that territory, also unasked) and I was left working part time, with two children under 4, doing everything, whilst he spent his evenings and weekends training (oh, and spending loads of cash on equipment and training)
His argument was "you would have said no if I'd asked" which underlined his selfishness about it. He knew it was unreasonable, and so just did it anyway, because he wanted to do it.
This just smacks of a selfish man who does not care about anyone else but himself. He needs to grow the fuck up. When you choose to have a family, your responsibility is to them first.
FYI, I am now divorced.

I don't think the issue is with him doing the triathlon, it's the fact he isn't willing to plan the training in for a time that doesn't inconvenience you. My DH has done an ironman, several triathlons and a few marathons. I have a chronic health issue which means he does most of the childcare and I am also doing a part time MBA. Yet I barely noticed his training as he would fit it in around family duties, eg go early morning, late night, lunch time etc

I'm out of the house for my run on the weekends by 7.30am. Before the rest of them are up. 10am-3pm is stupid. What's he doing for 5 hours?

Have to agree with this. I’ve trained for marathons and in the summer I was out between 5 and 6am and could be home for 10am latest. In the winter it’s tougher as we live rurally and there are no streetlights or even pavements so it isn’t safe to run in the dark. However for my long run I was still out as soon as it was light and home for lunch.

This sort of thing infuriates me as I have never met a woman with hobbies that take up an entire day. Those women that do have time consuming hobbies tend to get themselves up early or stay up late at night to squeeze in the time. Your useless dh needs to plan his time more effectively.

Would you be able to afford a childminder, sometimes when you're both out or sometimes when you're at home studying but they deal with the kids? And a cleaner, or the same person does both? He should be open to this if he's reasonable.
I'd hope his training wouldn't be more than an hour or so a day. He still should have spoken to you about it, but I'm not sure if it would've been reasonable for you to outright ban it even if he did. You shouldn't have to do more work, but he has a right to a hobby.
Be glad it's not gambling or visiting strip clubs or ogling onlyfans while drunk etc! Lol.

Start matching his hobby time like for like. Take your study stuff (if you plan on studying and not just doing as you please) and leave the house. Find a coffee shop or a spare room a family member can let you use if you are studying. Be sure to leave a list of chores that need doing when he’s at home. I’m sure he’ll quickly realise what he’s asking of you when you ask the same of him.

DH started running to keep fit.

He then went in to do races and half marathons.

The majority of his training when a race was scheduled he undertook early in the mornings. He would get out of the house whilst we were all in bed and be returning just as we were waking up.

Didn't impact on family life at all. He also chose to run home from work every day (approx 12 miles) as well. It actually made his commute about the same time as he could avoid traffic.

Good luck in your negotiations. He has to fit this training in around you, your studies and the kids.

I don't believe it's deliberate sabotage, just a very selfish man who refuses to believe that the universe doesn't circle around him and his desires.
I agree with the poster who said you should get out first. Or if he is out 10-3 then you leave him for the same number of hours and go out to study. Make sure to switch your phone off.

Having read the update, he is being unreasonable if this is going to impact your studies.

One solution is that he goes AFTER you study, so you aren't hanging around waiting for him.

Or, you make it very clear that if this happens again and you lose your study time due to his faffing, then the only alternative is to pay for regular child care on the days you time to study - or he takes responsibility for getting the children elsewhere to be looked after.

Not triathlon but a bit of a running addict.
before I enter a big race that will require a lot of training I do consult my DP because it does affect him.

you should be supportive but yes they should have have consulted you.

btw I didn’t do any races when my kids were smaller as it would have been unfair on dh.

I suggest you take your stuff and go out on weekend mornings to study and then he can go out training afterwards.

Pick your evenings for study and go out to do it.

I’m a Triathlon widow, be warned it’s never just 1 race! Every weekend and evening is taken up with training and the cost is ridiculous, £350 for race entries, 5k + on bikes, wetsuits that are in the hundreds. If you can at all change his mind then do it! I’m basically a single mum

Unless he’s doing an Ironman, it isn’t anywhere near as much as a marathon.

If he’s doing a Sprint Triathlon, it could be as little as swimming 16 lengths of the pool, then a 30min bike ride and 30min run.

A triathlon doesn’t take that much training FFS. Unless he has literally never run or ridden a bike before, or has signed up for an Ironman (I bet he’s doing a Sprint).

He should be able to do 30-60 mins 5 times a week. He doesn’t need to be out for five hours at the weekend. That’s just him dicking about and avoiding childcare.

DH did a 10K run this morning, he went out at 9am and was back, showered, breakfasted and in charge of DS before 11.

A marathon takes alot if training , so a triathlon is three times that. I’d be annoyed as well.

it's well possible to train without impacting work & family life too much.

your dp is bu not to look up a training schedule that accomodates this.

fwiw it's something you have discuss as a family/couple.

tbh I really like dh's peak season body <shallow>

Oh go!!!! I was training for an ultra marathon!!

I hope he does well!

If he's doing an Olympic distance and he's already cycling regularly (or swimming/running) then he shouldn't need to do a huge amount of training really.

DH did many tris when the children were little, BUT, he asked me first, he trained v early in the morning, and the only time I lost it was when he signed up for his 4th Ironman abroad, without telling me, and our 4 children were all still under 10....I became very resentful of the huge amounts of training he had to do..so he agreed that would be his last IM until they were older.

It has to be a conversation and a compromise so that you both get time to do your 'thing'.

YANBU OP. DH ran a 3.08 London marathon when DS was about 18 months, he ran about 100km a week for months to achieve that time, but we discussed it beforehand. I understood how important it was to him, when he’d need to train and how it would work as a family. He didn’t just tell me he was doing it. He then supported me a couple of years later when I wanted to do a cross channel swim, which equally took huge amounts of time and commitment. I would not have just announced I’d signed up for it.

I agree with pp. If he has the mornings he has until 8am to leave or you leave and he has the afternoon.

He's deliberately sabotaging you.

Nope. Your studies are more important. And THEN you both get equal time for your hobbies/relaxation. If his half of free time allows him to train for a triathlon then sure. Otherwise he'll have to wait until his family is older and his life allows more free time. We don't get to have what we want as soon as we want it, our responsibilities come first.

I'm just particularly irritated today because he was supposed to train this morning and I was supposed to have the afternoon for study. In the end he faffed until about 10am and only returned at 3pm.

Sabotage. Pure and simple.

He doesn't want you bettering yourself as you might realise you have
options to leave. Start planning it anyway.