Husband doesn't like me to invite DD's friends to house for play dates

Oh, for Christ's sake, what does he think is going to happen?!

Play dates are quite rare here especially before school age so I don't think it really affects dc's social life too much. They are with their friends all through the week after all. I am with your DH, especially at weekends. I'd rather be spending our weekends exploring places as a family than being stuck at home looking after someone else's kids.

It's a couple of years max until the norm would be to drop and run unless you are friends with the mum too.
Does he try and stop you taking her out to meet up with friends.
Personally, almost all of my social life involves other mums and I would feel very isolated when I can't meet up.

@Onetiredbeing that's us. And our daughter is only 4. She spends all week with them at school and attends dancing lessons on a Saturday morning. We visit family and do family things or just chill/have some downtime.

OP When I was younger, I used to go out with my friends in the street etc and every so often had people around after school for tea.
Very much liked my time at home.
I wouldn't have liked to have my friends around all of the time.

Being a parent means being open to new opportunities. You end up meeting all sorts of people you wouldn't otherwise meet - sometimes they enhance your life, and sometimes they are nightmares. It's best if he gets his head round that now.

He's gonna have to get over himself his daughter is a person with her own needs and wants . These will increase as she gets older , he doesn't own her . So often parents will treat children like they own them ,they don't .

My exh was like this with my DC, I ignored him and play dates were reciprocated
It's important to DC to have their friends around and show them their toys etc and it's only polite to return invitations
DH needs to get over himself quite frankly
In a couple of years, the DC will be able to come unaccompanied so it won't be an issue
Everyone is a stranger until you get to know them
YANBU

This!

Personally I would far rather host playdates in my own home where I knew the kids were safe than have DS go to someone else's house.

Poor man well, I guess this is going to be his parental sacrifice to allow his child to have play dates.

He can be reassured that even the dodgiest stranger will be OK with the other child in someone else's house.

The key thing here is you are child free.

If you choose to have children, I think you have to be prepared to host play dates sometimes. It's selfish and mean to your children otherwise.

He sounds selfish and nasty.

He needs to be clear - he wants your dd to be socially excluded from her peer group for his convenience, does he?

@Notreat exactly. But there has to be a compromise too. So every now and then for a couple of hours.

Tell him to go out while they are there, DD (and you) need this interaction. It will help teach her to share and enjoy her personal spacean toys witho others, while you get to know it's a safe environment and can relax with the other adults.

His concerns for safety are valid but to a point - you are not going to point out your valuables, or where all the keys are and how they work!

Your dd and you have 2/3 of the say on this- you both chose to have her and she has a right to use the house too even if she is only a toddler and you are advocating for her.

It’s your house too, and your DC’s. What a controlling miseryguts your husband is. Play dates are part and parcel of having children. He needs to stop being so weird and miserable.

Yes but when you are a parent you need to put your children first. If DD is never allowed to have friends over it will have a negative effect on her and affect her socially.

It's a big fat NO over weekends so I'm with your DH. Tbh none of my dc friends do play dates over weekends too as most of the parents feel the same. There's already activities, parties to do and Not much time left so the very last thing I want is hosting a play date over the weekend. I do all play dates after school. It would be very difficult if you're working though. So I would make a very rare exception for a weekend but really only very rare.

I'd say to him it needs to happen and be there yourself when it does. You've reminded me that we had a situation where we were invited to a girl's house in primary. The dad was a misery and kept making comments about what he thought was "right". Dd was 10 and had just had her ears pierced (younger than me but about 12 girls in the year had had them and I wasn't allowing a mobile). He noticed and said 3 times how he "didn't agree with piercing/making holes in your body/thought it looked ugly" and that he would never let his daughter do that and even his wife wasn't allowed to! I mean, who does that? Weird and controlling and no shame at all.

We never went back and I didn't ask her over, simply because of the dad. It was a shame because their dd struggled to make friends. I think I found out why. No way I was having them in my house!

He sounds awful. Ignore him and organise the play dates.

I didn’t love them but I did them regularly then the kids were little and they really benefitted.

It’s not acceptable to hide away from the world when you have young kids. The pandemic has normalised this kind of behaviour and it’s so unhealthy.

So what is his solution, how will he make sure she has friends and is not isolated? As PP says, playdates are give and take, and people won't be asking her back if there are no return invites. If he doesn't want kids in your house, how many pladates has he organised so far for your DD in a park or soft play?

It's her house too, she should be able to have her friends over.

My oh used to say this. I ignored him. He once came home and found 22 kids in the house for a Halloween party. I did the tidying up. The kids were ecstatic and it’s my house too.

What’s his view on his choice limiting dd’s friendships?

OP will probably be working herself at those times, assuming she isn’t a shift/weekend worker.
Sorry DH but it’s part of being a parent to young kids. Suck it up!

It's absolutely abhorrent to put yourself first,
in your only life.
😁

Both me and my husband of 20 years are like this.
However, we are child free and it was discussed
many times.
No people generally in the house.
Tradesmen are an exception.
Main thing is, we are both fine with this.