To not go to the family barbecue

I'd tell my sister I'm not going and that if she cared about my daughter she'd uninvited their bullies. If your family don't want even stick by you who will.

My nephew has been bullied at school and in absolutely no circumstances would I invite the bullies to my house for a bbq your sister is disgusting.

I think I might go on my own for 15 minutes just to confront these horrible girls on home turf, ask them what my DD had done to them and why they thought it was OK to physically assault someone as well as loudly show my disgust that my sister invited them knowing how they’d made her niece’s life hell before dramatically flouncing.

If your dd knows any rugby players can she take the whole team? That would change the vibe in dd's favour I imagine.

*nerd not need

I'd not be going over the just a need comment, what a nasty piece of work your sister is. No wonder her son is in with these girls.

100% don’t go. There’s no way I would want to go anywhere near the children that had bullied my DD. Awful scenario.
Go do something lovely together.

YANBU. Don’t go.

If your dd has been assaulted then why hasn't the school taken action? You can report to the police if she's been kicked etc. taking photos or calling her a nerd isn't nice but a different league to the other bullying you put on here. If you report there will be action and pretty sure your sister will quickly change her tube, does she realise how serious it got?

If it was just calling her a nerd or whatever your sister may have more of a point, but it's way beyond that

Tough one.

Would be tempting to go and have strong words with the bullies.

And if your dd is being assaulted I would involve the police of school are not dealing with it...

Do other family members know the situation and are still attending?

She is always so delighted that her son is in the cool gang

With respect your sister sounds like a fucking idiot that is reliving her teenage glory years through her son. I hope live improves for your DD soon and you both get to do something fun on the day of the BBQ.

Not a chance I would go or encourage dd to go.

your sister is as bad as the bullies, what aunt would invite the people who bully her niece to a party, she is being ridiculous! Let’s hope it pours with rain and spoils their day.

your sister would be horrified if your nephew was being bullied and you invited his bullies to a family event.

i honestly would go low contact with my sibling if this is how they acted!

Yes but surely even bullies won't have the nerve to do anything when the DDS entire family is there. In fact I'd be hoping it would make them feel very sheepish. Even the biggest of little shits tend to be a bit nervy around other kids parents.

I wouldn't go either and I would point out everything these girls have done to your daughter and express surprise that her darling son would want to get involved with them! But the fact that she thinks it's a good opportunity for them to find out your daughter is 'nice and not just a nerd' shows that she also has a mean girl mentality herself. So what if your daughter is a 'nerd?' That doesn't give anyone the right to bully her.

Also, if it's a family event, why does he need friends there, particularly when his cousin is there to hang out with? When I was growing up I had a cousin my age who I didn't see often but I liked spending time with. For a few years there seemed to be a lot of family parties, weddings etc and I would always look forward to seeing her. But without fail she'd be allowed to take a friend with her, so spent all her time with the friend and I was a bit too shy to join in with the two of them. It really upset me every time.

When you say "family party" do you mean other family members (your parents?) are also involved and if so, your sister is also hosting on their behalf? All the more awful if so, and you'll have to preemptively explain before your sis gets in with her narrative.

I agree not to go, in a similar situation, my dd was being bullied by a couple of girls, they became friends with two of her best friends (friends since nursery and I am also friends with their mums) but continued with the bullying. DD went to her friends birthday day out to not upset her and make a big deal out of it with the other mums, she had the most miserable time.

We both realised that her happiness is far more important than trying to keep the peace and not offend people and won’t make the same mistake again. My feeling afterwards, was that I should’ve spoken up sooner and to let dd know that it is ok not to put herself in avoidable situations that could upset her.

That’s all a bit of a ramble, but just to say I think you’re instincts are right, hopefully in time your sister will see that.

Your sister does not have your daughter's or your best interest at heart. To try to minimise what is happening to your daughter is horrible. It shows a lack of respect for what you and your family are going through.
She is putting bullies and people she hardly knows ahead of the welfare of her niece and family. Very shallow behaviour. How can she justify colluding with the bullying of anyone let alone her own niece?

Without the DD? Cos having her there still forces her to be in the company of her bullies.

Why on earth arent your Sister and DN not outraged for your DD and doing everything they can to help your DD with this bullying. DN being at the same school could surely have provided some support/help/told the bullies to bugger off.

Inviting the bullies to a family party and then calmly expecting DD and you to show up is awful and I would be re thinking the entire relationship

Your sister is a knobhead. Absolutely wouldn’t go.