To not go to the family barbecue

Maybe show your nasty, disloyal idiot of a sister this thread.

Your sister is awful. She should love your daughter more then being desperate to have her son be "cool".

Good got you advocating for your dd. How awful of your sis to not have more compassion for her niece. Your nephew isn't great either why would he want to be friends with people who treat his cousin like that. But I get school is complicated.

Your sister is being unreasonable and unsupportive. Obviously it's going to be awful for your DD (has she been offered the opportunity to bring her own friends?) but it's also putting you in a really difficult position. How are you supposed to behave socially around these teenagers who have been so awful to your daughter?

Perhaps tell your sister you've had second thoughts... you will be coming. But you will be bringing a vat of orange soup and if you trip and it falls over the bullies, you hope she understands that accidents happen.

If your sister knows the details about exactly what happened, and that your DD was physically attacked by these girls then she is a grade A bitch.

I wouldnt be going, I would be distancing myself from her and I would be telling everyone who was going exactly what your sister has done - invite the girls who physically assaulted your dd and has chosen to make dd fearful of attending a family BBQ, which should be her safe space.

I would hope other family members would vote with their feet too.

Yanbu! Your sister catering for her nieces tormentors on the hand is really unreasonable and would make me question our relationship going forward.

I'd defo not go if my child was uncomfortable.

I'd say to your sister that your daughter is upset enough by them at school and doesn't want to be around people who treat her like that and you support this. End of. If she went to work and people treat her like that she'd certainly not be ok!

Your sister sounds vile. I’d be telling her a few home truths in no uncertain terms.

Tell them to stick their BBQ and take your daughter on a much nicer day out instead.

Bloody well done OP, you've got your daughters back.

Enjoy your day with her.

Hope the sausages give the little shits food poisoning!

YANBU, your sister is horrible and should be telling her son that his bullying friends will not be attending the bbq.

Awesome little sis there! She’s got her back!

but yeah, don’t let her do that!
sounds like a lovely plan you have. You sound like a great mum with a lovely family.

OP no experience of bullying buy i am the mum of an underconfidant nerd. You are doing a fab job supporting her and as I said to my dd at that age it's the quality of friends not the quantity that matters . It helpd her though high school untill she hit 6th form collage where she now has a great but small group of very quality friends, several whom have been where your daughter is. They are now happy and secure, where always believed and supported by parents. Stay strong.

I'm with you 🙋
You are absolutely right not to let your dd be in the presence of her bullies.
You've shown dd that you have her back.
Your "d"sis should be absolutely ashamed of herself, I wouldn't speak to her ever again.

Your sister is an absolute arse for prioritising her son's friends over your daughter. Some teens, unfortunately, can't resist the lure of being in with the 'cool kids'. I suspect his hormones are playing a part too.

God, your sister thinks YOU are being unreasonable!! Is she out of her fucking mind?! What about your poor daughter? That kind of bullying is enough to scar someone for life. Maybe she should think about her niece, instead of worrying about who’s ‘cool’ (aka a bunch of vicious, spiteful little bitches). Tell your sister you are not going, explain why, and don’t apologise. Your sister should be apologising to you.

And btw, how old is your sister? 12? She’s pleased because her son is in with the ‘cool kids’. Christ, is she living in an American High School movie from the ‘80s?

You can see why your nephew is not being proactive with his support, look at how his mother handling it.

My sister would have grounded my newphew for even considering inviting these girls. I can't believe she is allowing it and expects you to come. Why would she want your dd to be friends with them? They are not good people.

Glad you aren't going. Also youngest dd has the right attitude towards them.

So it's not entirely your sister's event, especially since you mentioned you're taking turns hosting. She's well out of order then - she really should have checked with you beforehand. If you have some sort of group chat I'd make a point of stating on there that you want be attending and why. Have you spoken to your brother and/or other friends yet?

This is the first thread re children’s bullying where I 100% agree with the OP. I agree with your decision, I agree with your temperance in terms of taking it up with school and threatening to take it further but not, I agree with not making your DD go tomorrow and also not going yourself. You’re doing this all the way I’d do it. I’m sorry your DD is going through this.

I would also add that family is supposed to be a safe space. It’s so important for children around the tween and teen age to have a life outside of school, be it hobbies or family or whatever. To deliberately invite your DD’s bullies into her safe space is terrible of your DD. Your DN should also know better (he wasn’t obliged to invite these girls), but he’s a kid himself. Your sister is pathetic for buying into the “cool kid” thing, and it’s unforgivable that she does so at the expense of your DD. She’s given you no choice but to stay away. Her home isn’t a respite for your daughter any more, or somewhere nice to be. Your sister is just sore that her BBQ will be down a few bodies, no longer the “cool” kid eh?

(I’d also expect her to tell your mutual friends going tomorrow that you’re being lame and ridiculous, victimising her son, blah blah. That’s what people who care about these things do.)

Ask her: if a group of women had attacked her in town, hurt her physically and mocked her and shared photos of her online, making her cry - how would she feel if you invited those very women to the family bbq, and pressurised her to be friendly with them?

If she challenges your decision, this is what I (very calmly and logically) would ask her. And remind her that they're was very nearly police involvement.

I wouldn't question her decision to invite them, or her nephew wanting to. He's entitled to make his own choice of friends, even if you don't like his decision.
It's her event and you don't get to dictate her guest list. She'll stop listening to you if you do

Just keep it to why your DD doesn't want to attend and why you support her. And like I say, keep it calm and rational.

I would be very pissed off with your sister. She doesn’t need the bullies to see that your DD is nice and not a nerd. Is bullying nerds ok then?

I’d tell your sister that you feel really let down that she expects your DD to spend time with people that have made her life so miserable, and that as she’d clearly rather have them at her home than her own family she can quite frankly fuck off.

She is always so delighted that her son is in the cool gang and keeps suggesting that if these girls see my dd out with school they will realise she is nice not just a nerd.

Your sister has some odd priorities. I’d be delighted if my child was seen as a ‘nerd’, aka doing well at school, rather than running around with a bunch of cruel idiots.

YANBU just based on this. Sister needs a head wobble.

I would say to your sister that as the police will be involved next time it wouldn’t look good to be socialising with children who are involved in attacking your child..!

This is such a weird way for an aunt to behave.

How are you going to find it within yourself to speak to your sister after this? She is much more at fault than the kids, she is an adult, has witnessed how awful it has been and should love her DN. I could not get past this op!