DH and I at an impasse - what would you do?

Stop thinking about money and value. It's a house, but is it a home. If you changed some small things, like getting a garden room/office, using the loft for storage, declutter (and I speak as someone who is in the process of getting rid of 200+ books) you will create space.
Being part of a community is important, your dp sees that, it will help your daughter as an only child to be part of a bigger picture (again I speak from experience, small village, parents and hence me, knew everyone)
Remember the grass is not always greener

Is there anything close to what you want that’s on the market right now? If so, go and look at it. That might make it much clearer.

I’d ignore the lacking of adding extra value to the house, above what you spend.

It sounds like he likes the village you not so much.
Replacing conservatory with extension and adding a garden office would add value. Declutter.

Declutter first and then assess the situation. Decluttering is a lot cheaper than moving.

You say family stay regular to help with DD, do they need to stay in your house? Is there a specific reason they need to help ? (DD or your health reason etc)? If it's just that they like to visit then they can stay in a local hotel/air b and b etc? Do they come from
faraway ?

there is no reason you can't have an office area and a bit of playroom stuff in a box room. My office area is much smaller than that !

I think if you’re struggling for space as 3 people in a 3 bed you need to look at how much stuff you have and keep in mind that your DC won’t have big toys forever. If I was your DH I’d want to stay too as it’s hard putting roots down.

Get rid of stuff you don't need and stay put.

Sounds like he's happy. You're not.

He values community and the connections he's made.

You're worried about adding value to your house and the cost of taking up decking...

This is still going to cost way less than all the cost of moving.

You could move, spend a fortune and still not be happy and have shit neighbours...

Stay put and declutter. As someone who lived next to horrendous neighbours for years I wouldn't move if I were you.

I don't think either of you are wrong. Both are valid options.

If I was in your husband's position, I would want to stay. If I was in yours, I would be tempted to move.

On balance, I think I would probably try the attic conversion, and if it wasn't really enough, then look at moving. I wouldn't want to reduce the outside space.

I am struggling to see how a three bed house isn't enough. It sounds like you need a declutter.

Three bedrooms, you and DH, dd and home office with a fold up guest bed?
Value is only relevant in planning to sell within a few years.

I wouldn't discount the value of being happy. But I am reading you aren't happy there? Anything in particular help with that ?

I say this as someone who has recently come to this conclusion myself - you’re living with too much stuff!

Theres no way x2 adults and a toddler can’t fit in a three bed with a garden. You need to audit your stuff and reduce down your belongings. Have a clear out. Moving is stressful and expensive, and living in a nice area is the ultimate privilege, don’t mess with that if you can help it. The time you take rejigging your current home, will be way less than the faff/stress/expense of moving.

Could you have a shed or rent a garage nearby to store some of your stuff? I mean, if the garden office is a no-go. I use a garage for deck chairs and winter clothes and all sorts of stuff that I wouldn't have room for in the house.
Or, spend some money on your conservatory so that you can use it all year round (office?).
In short, I'd stay put.

Is it just a very small house in terms of the room sizes? Otherwise, I'm not seeing how 3 beds, then a loft/garden office, plus conservatory plus playroom plus presumably your existing downstairs (two rooms?) isn't enough for a two person one child family?

Extensions do add value! My neighbours have nearly all gone up in the lofts, it massively increases the value although loft/extension work is more expensive due to materials/labour prices than in the past.

YABU. Get some clever storage solutions (e.g. foldaway desks), declutter, and stay put. Not only is moving expensive with moving costs and stamp duty, you're buying at the top of your budget in a difficult economic climate.

@AppasAnnie you're missing the obvious solution. Get a job where you don't have to wfh, or go into the office if there is one. Then you don't have to have an office at home.

Simples.

I'd just build a garden office I wouldn't waste money on an extension that won't add value.

This🙂

I'd get rid of 75% of your belongings. Could you put a master suite in the extension and make rest of downstairs a big kitchen living space. Use one of your upstairs bedrooms as an office/snug or WFH in loft.

Are you likely to have more children? If so I’d say move.

how’s your marriage generally?