DH and I at an impasse - what would you do?

In that price bracket, the cost of moving itself (SDLT, solicitors fees and disbursements, removal costs, new furnishings etc as your curtains are unlikely to fit and all flog that stuff) will be significant.

How would they compare to the cost of the works you’re considering?

If, having done the work, this is going to be your forever home, or home for a significant period of time, does it matter as much whether you’re adding £X amount of value? The value will be, for you, more what it brings to your life rather than a monetary value. Different if you’re planning to move again in, say 5-10 years time.

I know it sounds trite, but maybe the issue you have is that you don’t have the storage and workspace you need where you need it. Would doing the work get you to that stage?

Wtf.

His idea makes alot more sense than yours. I'm pretty against maxing out your budget. You can get a wall bed for the visitor for more space. Or a sofa bed in the single story conversion.or a garden office. A three bed with one child is not cramped.

I really dislike houses that are unbalanced so I would move. No value in a huge downstairs if the bedrooms are still too small and materials and builders have increased in price so much lately it seems like a pointless extension to me.

you need to have a massive clear out and sort out either way tbh, that might help you decide

I think you need to price up all the options amd work out pros and cons based on your and DH's priorities for the future.

What about finding a hot desking/coworking office space? But then it sounds like you don't massively like the current village.

Ah, I posted too soon.

Thoroughly declutter and maximise the space you have. Change the conservatory roof to one which is heavily insulated and tiled - only on the three coldest days of the year can it not be used. Install blinds, if needed, so it can be used in the height of summer.
We did this, having experienced the same as you, and it makes a dramatic difference. This should be a less expensive and disrupting option than an extension or house move.
PM me if you want further details.

What about-
massive huge declutter
Budget lift conversion- velux windows, boarding of all floors and walls, painting all surfaces white. I did this, it created a workroom and increased workable area of house by 30 percent. Cost 5k.

DH’s voluntary community activities should have low weighting as a factor IMO.

I would weight school, paid work and cost considerations the highest. From the info in your posts that points towards staying put. Would cost out the private school, ‘renovation’ options such as the attic, single story and garden ‘office’ as the cost of those options could be higher than you’ve guessed.

Our house sounds exactly the same size as yours and we also WFH often. We also have one toddler DC.

We have chosen the move to a 4 bed detached with garage and are so excited for it.

Having a permanent wfh set up for 2 people takes up a lot of space and not being able to have people stay is a real pain.

I would have considered staying if we could extend downstairs living space and had a separate office (garden room or part of the extension), but that's a lot of building work and expense especially these days. It also would have still been a choice between DC having a bigger bedroom than the box or having a spare room for grandparents to stay over (weekly).

It's a shame about your DH's activities, but I'm sure he can find similar in the new village. Not enough reason to stay IMO

If your conservatory is sound you could add cladding to the roof, we did this and it's gone from being too hot/ too cold/ deafening rain to being perfect as my office. We were so lucky to have done this just before lockdown as I've worked in there ever since!

If it’s the fact the cost of the extension won’t add enough value to the home, then you could ask a few local and experienced Estate Agents to come round to value its after the extension is built. They may prove or disprove your belief.

You also really need to do a cost benefit analysis of building vs moving. Finding good reliable builders can be difficult, but at the moment it’s not a good market for sellers.

Id suggest you pursue both ideas, lock down prices and costs for each. Factor in the inconveniences etc.

Have you shown your DH possible houses that would be available? I think you are both trying to make a decision before finding out all the facts.

Sometimes by pursuing the answer in detail, the obvious solution becomes clearer (assuming you both want to make a decision based on logic).

If it was me I would stay put but have a massive declutter - and maybe even consider changing existing furniture if necessary, or the layout - and do some basic designs on a bit of graph paper to include an extension and how this might work.

Adding an extension may not improve the value of your house beyond a particular ceiling, but that only matters if you are planning to sell in the near future.

I think IKEA are meant to be releasing a Murphy Bed this year which sounds like it might help you guys. Alternatively, if you build an additional reception room downstairs, could it be set up so that it would also work as a guest room?

I can see your frustration, but I think it would be a shame to lose the community it sounds like is being built. But I can see if you're not involved, then that might not feel like it has that much relevance to you.

you and DH read Marie Kondo ! Problem solved.

tho don’t get how you’ll afford private school if you can’t afford a bigger house but not read the thread

Don't forget - while the extension/conversion may not add much to the value of the house, getting another house isn't just a free investment either; the average cost of moving is around the £12k mark.

On top of that, as mentioned above, you're rolling the dice on the neighbours.

I'm in the "stay put" camp, quite honestly.

I'd clean the house up and plan a better layout of rooms long before I considered banging out tens or hundreds of thousands of pounds on a huge building project or moving. You've got one more bedroom than you need, an unused room, shitloads of garden space (even if it is covered in rat paradise planks) - there's no way that you can't make enough space where you already are.

Can you explore creative options like a study bed which would give you a full size desk and proper bed?

Similarly you can get pull down tables/desks?

Moving costs a lot so I would try and throw money at clever options/clever storage first

So it’s more about leaving the village than the house itself?

My biggest argument against doing the extension is it wouldn’t add much if any value to the house really

But life is not all about money and the value of your house. I don't think that's a valid enough argument for uprooting your entire life. It sounds like your husband has built a great life in the village and I don't blame him for not wanting to leave that - it's not his fault if you haven't done the same.

I'd extend and stay put, and try to get more involved in the local community.

I’d probably move- adding an extension is expensive at the moment and unlikely to financially be beneficial in the short term.

Sounds like a classic Kirsty and Phil 'Love it or List it' scenario. The couple almost always seem to decide to 'Love it' - you just need to get Kirsty in to help you reorganise your space and/or plan your extension/garden room/loft conversion.