DH and I at an impasse - what would you do?

I would actually be thinking more about schools.
If you’re not planning to send your DD to the village school, and prefer the local private school, maybe you should be moving nearer to there. What about secondary? Will you stay private for that? Where is the secondary she’s likely to go to? Do you need to be in a catchment area?

If moving house is even being considered, I would ensure it works from a school perspective. Kids make most of their friends at school, and you will be doing a LOT of driving her to meet friends, especially in secondary, so I’d put that top of your list of things to consider.

you didn’t 😕

i asked a question!

I hadn't read the full thread. Sorry. I didn't intend to upset you.

Can I ask why this is a thing you see yourself needing long term?

I only ask because we are also one and done. We also bought a small house to have the area we want. But we bought a 2 bed. I WFH. We have no money to extend or anything yet. But we are not crammed in.

We use the space effectively (I watch a lot of Kirstie and Phil too). I have a desk space in my bedroom which folds away. DD has a single bed, with another under it that pulls out and folds up. This means her cousins can stay, or if grandparents (my family are a journey away) want to come they can stay with her or we can drag it to the living room. If more than one stays they get somewhere nearby.

I can't envisage needing family input for childcare much once she's at school. TBH we don't need much already. Which is why I'm asking you the question. What means you need space for them to stay that means you'll likely need to move?

It sounds as though the three bedrooms are needed.
Am I right in thinking the options are to go up-into the loft/outwards instead of a conservatory/into a home office?
A declutter is never a bad thing but you do need some storage for ladders/bikes/winter duvets/whatever.
Personally I'd go up-into the loft for an office, at least for a while.
Get some good blinds for the conservatory to deal with the temperature, build when you can.
Eventually, go for a garden office. All decking dies in the end and becomes evil slippery so at that point, build your office. Have a 10 year plan?

did you mean to quote me?

Don't underestimate the value of your established community.

If your DH is the kind of person to get actively involved in village life, he will probably do that anywhere.

but once she starts school… presumably that won’t happen as often?

I would hazard a guess…. it’s not in the healthiest of states

How is being engaged with the local community 'wanky', for goodness' sake?

You are coming across as a bit of a snob, I'm afraid. I think your husband is probably more correct in this, admittedly difficult, decision - and PPs with comments about decluttering also have points worth considering.

I’d move. Your husband does sound really involved in the village though 😬

Maybe look into getting someone in like an interior designer/declutter expert. Sometimes we can’t see wood for trees.
There was a spillage on my carpet so I moved a side table to clean and honestly it’s made the area so much better, we all have too much stuff and furniture.
I used to like that tv show with Ann Maurice where they were selling. All she did was take everything out, clean/paint and put far less back.
If your dc is small you are probably at big toy stage. In a few years you won’t be.
I’d definitely explore idea of a garden office.

You need to declutter not move

How about a portable office/shed at the end of the garden. Freeing up a room. Or have a large shed for storage and or the extension.

It would be a lot less stress and hassle

Totally irrelevant to the thread, but out of curiosity why do you write ‘Villiage’?

This in spades. Would this be a dealbreaker for either of you?

If you were to move house, you'd have to ruthlessly declutter anyway, so you may as well do that now and see if it helps.

You've also indicated that although doing work to the house wouldn't add value in the sense of making more than you paid to do the work, it wouldn't lose money. So it seems worthwhile to do at least things that maximise the benefit of the space you currently have - like turning the conservatory into something more useful in the ways others have suggested.

I'm also conscious that moving is going to involve tens of thousands of pounds of associated costs, so it seems worthwhile to see what you can do to make your current home work for you before thinking about a move. This is not a situation where you've had triplets in a one-bed flat and it's obviously impossible to stay put - on paper, a couple and a child in a 3-bed is a very normal situation and I think there's probably more you can do to make it work. If you're planning on private school anyway, then school catchment areas aren't significant in the same way, so there's no rush there. And I do think your husband's local connections have significance - I'm not saying they should matter more than everything else, but they're part of the picture. And stretching yourself to the max feels a bit chancy at the moment, too. So I'd go one step at a time - sort out your current home and then revisit the question.

Most terraced houses can’t do this btw. We had this same issue and couldn’t do a proper loft conversion as it impacts on the neighbours either side too much - same applies to a two story extension

Why not put a warm roof on the conservatory at around 5k then add a log burner or under floor heating to use as a dinning room come play room. Do the loft as a partial conversion with a loft ladder if it's only as an office. You could do most of the work for around 2k use the rest to enjoy your life. DS has a train set in our loft we got a quote recently convert it 70k for the basic structural work as we have to put a dormer in to make it a legal room!! That's despite the fact we are all short so don't actually need the head height 🤣

There's your crucial issue. You don't like it. He does.

You always take the weather with you.

But I think that’s normal nowadays? And you’d save the money on solicitor and stamp duty which is lost money. Whereas extending you should at least make that money back. And get rid of stuff especially if you’re not having another baby. We’re 2 adults and 2 kids in a 3 bed and we both WFH, it’s fine, we’re just ruthless about stuff.

Why can't you do a proper loft conversion, hip to gable and dorma. Put the master suite up there with an office if there's room. If no room for an office I would find space to rearrange downstairs with an extension, extend larger then the existing and included the office downstairs.

How far away is the village you want to move to? Could your husband still commute to his community groups?

If you move, will you still send your DD to private school? Because the cost of that should factor in if not.