My husband has plans , I need his help , backstory

DH needs to get back. If he doesn’t, then you have to prioritise the high school meeting, taking younger child with you if she can’t go to a breakfast club or be dropped off with a friend.

My PIL asked us to go over this weekend - our DS starts GCSEs on Thursday as well. DH raised the invite with me and got a blunt response back- he seemed to have totally forgotten about exams as evidently had PIL.

If my husband made me cancel a trip to see family just because he couldn't either reschedule the school meeting or drop one child at school late, I would be furious. YABU

He might not be the worst, but I simply cannot imagine my husband simply refusing to get involved in this situation. You aren't asking him to "help" you, this is about basic parenting of his children and it's not your problem to solve alone because they are his children just as much as yours.

I would go absolutely mental at him. Actually, I'd wonder if my husband had been abducted by aliens because it would be so far from his normal attitude. I'm honestly staggered that some men behave like this.

Have you asked him what his solution is? I would make this his problem.

Either ask another parent to have youngest that morning, or take her with you, have her sit somewhere with a book and drop her off late.

I would sort out a breakfast club, friend, neighbour or family member to drop DD2; at a quick count there are roughly 30 people I can think of easily asking to take my kid for just 30 minutes as a one off. Starting with the breakfast club, then childminder over the road, then the neighbour whose kid we have taken in several emergencies or the ones who we helped for a bunch of other tasks, then the 3 closest friend houses, our cleaner, class friends a few minutes walk away, one of 3 teenagers who offer babysitting... I appreciate we live very near a school with small catchment area though, it probably gets harder if you're out in the sticks somewhere.

Otherwise I would tell DD1 school that you have another child to drop off so cannot make it until 8.45. I wouldn't have asked DH to come back, but if I asked him then I would be baffled if he said no. Unless it was because he was suggesting other options. What did he actually say?

“definitely not the worst so I know I'm lucky” MN never ceases to amaze me with the low bar posters have for men.
Your husband is being unreasonable not to come home early - they’re his children too and you can’t be in two places at once. If he still refuses then that’s an issue to deal with in your relationship but in practical terms you can either 1) find a friend/someone else who could drop your youngest to school on this occasion
2)take youngest with you to appointment and drop her to school late
3)rearrange appointment with eldest’s school - it is very short notice

For the sake of 15 min I would not be disrupting plans. Ring younger child's school at 8am and inform she will be slightly late, unless you have like someone else suggested a breakfast club option.

There’s not exactly time for the OP to arrange breakfast clubs or move the school appointment when it’s a bank holiday on Monday. There won’t be anyone available to speak to until the Tuesday morning and that’s too late.

OP I would just take the 9 year old to the appointment, the secondary school won’t mind and her being late for one morning isn’t a big deal, reintegration appointments also don’t take long, especially not for a year 11 student who is due to leave soon. Unless there’s anyone else local (family, parent of another student) that you can ask.

@neerg

What else could the school do? Phone the parents when they posted the letter - assuming Thursday / Friday to make them aware and give them extra notice! Give a contact option over the bank holiday to re arrange if needed?

What does your "D"H propose is the answer?

2 entirely separate issues, IMHO

DD9 getting to school for 8.30am = easily resolved. She could arrive late, friend or neighbour takes her, breakfast club etc

DH planning a visit when he should be staying at home to support older DD is bigger issue

Ignoring that your husband is being unhelpful.

Your only options would be to ask another parent of younger daughters friends to help you or a relative.

If none available then younger child goes in later to school that day.

When did your older daughter get excluded?

This is on the school tbf. A lot of people will have made plans to travel this weekend, and they sent the letter so late that it arrived on a bank holiday Saturday which means that they gave you no chance to reschedule. I’d contact them asap and point out that the given appointment time does not work and that you were given no time to arrange a suitable time because you were notified so late.
Personally I’d just have the younger one go to school later that day. It’s not like it’s the end of the world.

It'd seem you're married to a selfish twat, I'm sorry OP.

Either ask a friend (explain the predicament, I'm sure not many would refuse you) or take DD9 along to the meeting and drop off a bit later.

Then go with what a PP suggested and start divorce proceedings. Only half joking.

Can DD2 not go in with a friend?
if not then drop DD1 off to her meeting, get her to tell them you have to take DD2 to school… drop DD2 and then head back to the meeting.
surely their main priority is talking to DD1,
I suspect the time is so she’s in for registration and so that the teacher meeting with you can start teaching at 9am

But the school is trying to get the child back into school for exams....what else could they do?

Anyway, primary child's school would understand if she was late for one day.

Your priority (and unfortunately not your husband's) is to get the older child in.

you are asking your husband to cut short his holiday for the sake of about 15 minutes? I think YABU

Tell DH that's fine, but he has to make arrangements to get DD2 to school with someone else. He is being VU.

I think even 'good' fathers can get into these thought processes where they are doing you a favour that you don't deserve for whatever reason, without seeing the massive favour that you are doing in handling all this shit in the first place.

I recently lost it with DH after I had taken 2 days off work to be with DD in hospital and asked him to sort out what DS was doing after school on one of the days. His umming and aahing was not received well by me.

The 9 year old can be late for school. Or find a friend to do the school run for you. It seems a shame to disrupt lots of plans for the sake of a small schedule clash.

I imagine there’s a lot of stress about because of GCSEs, we’re going through similar. There’s no point in adding to it by having ideological battles with your husband.

He doesn't get to say no. You're not asking for a favour. His children require his parenting, it's not optional.

He’s being a dick, what does he actually expect you to do? I’d take dd2 to the meeting and then drop her at school after. Id probably say to school she has an appointment and hope they didn’t ask further! I imagine she will only be 1/2 hr late. I’d let him know dd2 has missed school due to him.

Where is your husband staying on Monday night? Why does seeing family mean he has to stay away? Isn't he back to work Tuesday morning? Where is dd9 in all this? You said you and your eldest are at home? So why does dh get child free time and then get to skip out of parent duties on Tuesday as well?

Seems pretty shitty to me.

Personally, I'd phone the school early tomorrow and tell them you can come in after drop off. As PP said, it's ridiculous to set a meeting so early with no way for you to confirm you can make it.

He is a dick. This isn't a favour, they are his responsibility too.

Can you drop 9 year old at a friend’s house so she can go in to school with them? You shouldn’t have to but if he isn’t going to step up then you may have to.

DH is U but in your shoes if he refuses to help I’d ask another parent to take DC2 to school with their DC or take DC2 to sit outside DC1’s meeting then drop DC2 off at school late. I wouldn’t change the meeting about DC1.

i also wouldn’t ask DC1 to spent any time at all with the visiting GPs on the weekend before gcses start!

If he doesn’t budge, I would take the 9yr old along to the meeting too, then drop her off to school afterwards. Then when DH returns think seriously about what to do - as this is incredibly unsupportive of him, at a very important time in your DD16’s school life. My DH had planned an overseas work trip for next week, and when I realised this (a few months ago) we had a major argument, but he did actually cancel the plans (it is one dc’s SATs week, as well as the first full week of gcses for another dc). Good luck.