My husband has plans , I need his help , backstory

But he's being a dick.

School can't refuse your child entry to school because you can't (or even wont) attend a reintegration meeting. I suggest you look up the gov exclusion statutory guidance

@crumblingschools Well maybe dad should take more interest in the meeting... I don't know as I haven't been. My experience of meetings like this is that they are are a formality, and not hugely informative or useful. But, the OP is not saying: 'we have a very significant meeting at school about my dd and my husband should be at this meeting with me and is refusing because of something insignificant'. I would agree that he should cancel plans for that. I just don't think dropping a 9 year old exactly on time for one day (which is what the OP wants the husband to do) is worth cancelling a family visit for.

It’s a bit shit really that when everything’s going on with his child he decides that one more night away is more important but some men are just a big shit when it comes to putting their kids first.

I would be on time for the meeting. Senior leadership, year heads etc are very busy, don't put them out.

You haven’t shared his reasons for saying no.

And surely there are other options for the 9 year old - call in favour e.g. drop off at friends house early, breakfast club or being late for school?

Well he's a dick but the obvious answer is to call the school when they open on Tuesday and tell them you'll be late for the meeting.

@Greenfinch7 it would be good if dad’s took more interest in reintegration meetings etc.

Canceling things in order to be a parent needs to be in proportion to the occasion. So, for example, I wouldn't cancel a planned trip abroad to see a dying friend in order to take my 10 year old to a birthday party, but I would cancel a date pub evening with a group of mum friends because my 10 year old needed to be taken to A and E.

In the OPs position I would not want my husband to cancel a family trip to do one school drop off, because there are plenty of options- late drop off, going with friend, etc. To me, this is the kind of situation that demonstrates to kids that life is full of minor inconveniences and they are not a big deal.

Don't be daft, of course logistics are relevant here. If OP had to be away overnight then options get severally limited and it's massively unreasonable for the other parent not to drop everything to step up. When there are a raft of other options, then there's no reason for him to cancel existing plans with his family.

@Maray1967 @SaltedCaramelIcedLatte

Depending on the distance, if he comes back Monday night, it might not be worth going.

Also, is it really that stressful? Yes, DD was upset, but it all sounds rather low - key.

For those commenting on the timing of the letter from school, that is how suspensions work. Letter sent out as soon as school suspends a child and reintegration meeting before child goes back into school. But school can’t keep child off school longer than the agreed period of time of suspension.

Just made more tricky because of the bank holiday. Easier if suspension and reintegration is in the same week as easier to communicate with school.

I have known reintegration meetings happen after child is back in school when parents can’t manage the original time scheduled. Not ideal but it does happen.

You could try emailing school, someone may pick up the message.

But if you could get friend to help with younger child that would probably be best

The OP asked for opinions not suggestions about logistics. I expect most people can work out how to get their kids to school; her husband's behaviour is the issue

I don't know plans he has made with his family.

Yes, it would be nice if he came back on Monday evening and I would be annoyed and I would tell him that unless there is any specific reason why he can't come home, then he ought to, because parenting isn't a one way street, and next time one of them is off sick etc., then it's down to him to deal with.

But if he isn't, then either arrange to drop younger child at a friend's house on the way to your older child's school. Or take younger one with you and drop her into school a bit late. Leave a message on the absence line to say she will be a bit late in on Tuesday.

Can't DD2 wait in the car during the meeting and then be a bit late to school?

It's annoying that DH is being unhelpful but I'm sure there are other solutions to this. How often does he see his parents?

Yes , I'd do this, I often have to do this when my husband works away.

Doesn't take away from the fact that your DH is a dick though!

Everyone's priority is getting the meeting done & your DD back in school - I'd imagine that's why they've sent a letter for that meeting at that time, to get her back in classes ASAP.

But your DH has chosen to prioritise other parts of his family. Unless there's a massive drip feed, like a very ill parent or they're normally in another country, I find this odd.

Honestly, I cant imagine a scenario where my DH goes off for a couple of days while the DD school situation is kicking off. He just wouldn't & GP wouldn't expect it either.

Practical solutions have already been laid out here - wrap around, friend or just take her 30 mins later. It's not impossible - needing help to facilitate the school run would be least of my concerns here.

Your responsibilities as a parent don't stop just because you're away.

Presumably because he's away!

I'd ask a friend to drop the younger DD off.

He said no. To helping with his own children. What is his reason?

Your youngest can be a bit late. It’s no big deal.

Seriously? The children are also his responsibility and should take priority over everything else. He wasn't asked to cancel, but come back earlier to accommodate his children's needs!

I would WANT to be back to share the parenting because this is a stressful time and I wouldn’t prioritise other stuff over home life in such a situation.