My husband has plans , I need his help , backstory

oh sorry

Sorry but you sound quite controlling saying you were good for letting him go and see his family on a bank holiday / letting him see his family before exams.

I do agree that he should come back to help as it’s very important for his daughter’s education, glad he is now doing this.

Seeing my family is a 4 hour drive. So it wouldn't be unreasonable for me to drive up there, spend a night or two and then drive back. So him staying away isn't the unreasonable bit.

Refusing to cut it short by a few hours to be responsible for his own children, however, is very unreasonable. My DH would get short shift for this. As I would expect from him.

Why is everyone telling the OP, that in order to try to get school to rearrange thst OP is one that needs to call school

lastvitke I had kids at school letters came addressed to BOTH parents

If meeting time doesn’t work due to the dh issues. HE , not OP, needs to ring school . HE needs to tell them, we have 2 children and other one needs to be taken by my wife at same time. But I’m on holiday and can’t be arsed to return in time to get my own daughter back in school quickly.”

HE can face the consequences of that form the school, and th3 consequences form his daughter knowing he is a self absorbed twat who won’t change plans when there’s something she needs form him.

OP, STOP. stop being the one who runs around to pick up this mess.

Of course he should change his plans in this situation!

Glad he's coming home OP, but your DH has shown his inner thoughts here; parenting is something that you HAVE to do and he gets to opt in and out of. If he's turning up to "do parenting", he sees it as doing you a favour, rather than his responsibility.

I think you need to have a bigger discussion with him and explain how good he's got it. I imagine you do the bulk of the heavy lifting parenting-wise (& possibly housework wise)?

Does he treat you like a servant in other areas of your life, or just when it comes to childcare?

Use of mobile phones in schools is one of the biggest issues school is facing. It’s a safeguarding issue.

It’s just one evening

and to be fair to him, you don’t really plan your kids getting excluded when spending time with family.

Not great for the person working on a Saturday morning to type the letter out either, is it?

When I've worked unpaid overtime to deal with the consequences of teenagers' actions, I'm certainly not giving up even more of my bank holiday weekend to be dealing with parents of said teenager then wanting things arranged to suit them.

The other child will have to be late for school.

Edited to say: Now read update, but it shouldn't have taken pushing to get him to this stage.

Your husband is an absolute dick, frankly.

HIs own children should come first here and you can't be in 2 places at one time under stressful circumstances.

Of course OP can't change the appointment at this stage in the game, it's mid-weekend!

He needs to come home or I'd tell him not to bother coming back at all, frankly, as I would be beyond furious at his lack of taking responsibility for his own children and dumping it all on you.

I'm glad he's changed his mind - he should put his kids before getting pissed with his friends/family.

If it’s like the school I’m in they remain in isolation until the meeting takes place. We normally arrange for 9 to allow for other drop offs.

They live two hours away not in Timbuktu

However he has changed plans so all good now

Tbh this is such a non issue it wouldn't have occured to me to ask him to change plans. He may have wanted to, as he'd probably want to be at the meeting too, but it is very manageable with 1 parent.

Either ask a friend to take them, or take them to meeting and drop them to school late. If he doesn't see his family a massive amount I can't see this being an issue.

@StormingNorman but why was it all down to the mum to sort out.

All a bit of a storm in a teacup.

You could easily manage this on your own. No need for suggestions as you have clearly decided only him cancelling his plans is the only thing you want

And those calling for divorce - ridiculous!

Exactly what I said further up the thread. Frankly even ‘good dad and husband’ should be the bare minimum and we shouldn’t be feeling lucky about that because it’s what should be expected at the very least.

I think I would just take youngest with me to the meeting and late to school. Say you had an appt and you'll just have to get her there as soon as you can. I wouldn't want my husband missing something he was looking forward to.

A lot of skewed priorities here.
GCSE time is a time for kids to be in school, not at home. Sounds like your DD had an error of judgement and did something silly rather than dangerous or harmful. Them being heavy handed is helping nobody and may well set her back for her exams with the stress if she is very upset.
any chance your younger child can go to school with a friend? Or breakfast club?
DH is indeed being selfish.

@tiedinnotts

Could you contact your 9 year old's closest friend's Mum and ask whether they could help on Tuesday morning by dropping her off at school with her friend? In the circumstances, most people would try to help you if they could.

You could always say that you'll collect them both from school in the afternoon and drop the friend off.

There are clearly other aspects to your question, of course. You are obviously worried about your other daughter's suspension and exams and feeling let down by your husband.

@WhateverMate I said ideally they should be before the child comes back into school. But they can’t delay the child coming back into school, so if necessary the meeting can be later. That bit in the school’s letter is wrong.