To think others don’t have to put up with this degree of emotional blackmail from parents?

Grey hairs blamed on children was normal growing up, threats of death from stress, no

I had comments like this, still do if I bring up any kind of issues. Emotional blackmail and guilt translated into me becoming a complete people pleaser, to my own detriment. Still struggling to this day with putting everyone else above myself constantly. Still feel like my feelings don’t matter as much as literally anyone else’s.
I recognise it now at least. I’m trying to change. I think therapy would help. If you feel it would help you (and can afford it), do it.
It took me having my own kids to realise how awful it was, and how I could never treat mine this way. Sending ❤️ to you op, and everyone on this thread who has had this to deal with. I hope we can all heal and move on xxx

I used to have terrible nightmares as a child, I struggled with them for a long time, into adulthood. My parents had 4 young children and it was often a case of musical beds. My dad, who was an air force pilot, would often end up sleeping in one of the children's beds. When I was about 6 or 7 years old my grandmother told me that it would be my fault if he crashed his plane and died due to lack of sleep.

Mine used to say very similar, as did my grandma. It damaged me in ways I cannot describe. It's still affecting me now and I'm middle aged.

I mean, it's more common than you, think or less uncommon. doh.

My mother repeatedly told me I was a product of rape and that she should have had me aborted. she was also constantly threatening to put me in a kids' home and telling me she had taken an overdose.
Although it's not normal, I think it's more uncommen than you would think.

I don't have any contact with my mum now (finally went no contact s few years ago- it's very hard to do and incredibly difficult but ultimately better for my health). My mum told me all sorts of things as a child/ teenager, here are some:- she was raped, she was only alive because I was there, I was the reason she divorced my dad, she had cancer (she didn't), she told me about her affair while with my dad and got me to rake messages/ hide it from my dad- even took me to meet him, told me my dad was having affairs, she wanted to die, that she chose to be a landlady as she didn't want me growing up on a council estate (rather than that is what she wanted to do), that she needed half my student loan to pay the mortgage, that my grandma tried to kill herself.... I could go on.

It isn't normal or healthy. I have raised my children completely differently.

No.Some parents might have said that kind of thing. Mine certainly didn't.

Mine didn’t say those other things mentioned above, thank God.

Plenty of my mates heard that from their parents. We also used to used to get’ stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about’, meaning a smack.

That was parenting 70s style.

I was told my mum was on anti depressants because of me… I struggled a lot as a teen :(

I think repeated comments like that, targeted at a child who has done nothing to deserve them, are not acceptable.

But, occasionally my mum would say to me and my brother, when we were fighting and arguing and being horrid to each other, 'One day I'll have had enough and I'll run away and leave this family and you'll never see me again. Would that make you happy?'

Writing that out it looks very bad but my mum was actually an exceptionally good mother, we had a pretty idyllic childhood, and she loved us completely! She just occasionally got to the end of her tether with our behaviour (towards each other, in most ways we were pretty good kids) and snapped. I totally forgive her for that. She is only human after all.

Mine always said stuff like that, too. Along with lots of other emotional and physical abuse.

I've been NC with them for over 10 years now.

My mum said the most horrible things to me, she wanted to abort me but it wasn't allowed at that time, my dad kept her because of us children, when she was in her 60s and I was 30ish she told me it was my fault she was fat because she couldn't lose the baby fat after having me! Parents can be awful but I used this to make me a better parent and avoid saying anything negative to my children and I have a really good relationship with my children who know they can come to me with any problem they have and know I won't use it against them

My mother was going to jump off the cliff - regularly or wring my neck.

I had forgotten about it until til now.

I have ended up pretty much NC with my mother as a result. She won't leave him alone, he can barely leave the house, and I cannot go back to that house, as it sets me back every time.

I have lost count of the number of times I have been guilted into doing things because it might be 'the last time' or his 'last Christmas'. Or the way he treated my husband.

My brothers do not understand because their experience of growing up with a racist, misogynistic father was very different to mine. I thought my younger brother got it. He has recently shown me that he doesn't. Which makes me sad all over again.

My mother seemed to have a way of sucking the joy out of anything, any situation or event was fraught with potential danger, negativity, problems or consequences. When I finally realised it was ok to be happy and live in the moment it was a huge relief.

Born in the 70s here and it was only really when I had my own child I realised just how fucked up some of my childhood was. My mother’s moods could flip like a switch and I loved her and was terrified of her in equal measure. She hit me and the belittling made me feel so bad as a child.
We walked on eggshells around her a lot of the time.
Now she’s widowed in her seventies and still tries the emotional blackmail regularly with us. I ‘grey rock’ a lot now I’m aware of how dysfunctional our relationship was.
My own child has had a far happier, more secure upbringing thanks to awareness of how not to do it!

I think the intent is important. Half my family is south American and it’s common to shout these overdramatic things at your kids but neither the parent nor child takes it seriously. Different if it’s said maliciously to hurt or scare the child.

I generally had a great relationship with my mother but I was a slightly chubby child and she used to go on about it a lot. I think it was because she had been very slim until she had children. It was dressed as "I don't want you to end up like me" and I think it came from a place of love. Needless to say it had the opposite effect and I have a rather unhealthy relationship with food.

I am the youngest of five. I've always known I was unplanned but as much as I know I was very loved, no one wants to hear how devastated she was to find out she was pregnant again and "if abortion was legal back then I wouldn't have hesitated" 😳 Pretty sure it was just a statement of fact but but... Lucky for her I'm a resilient soul!

My father blamed me when he had a heart attack. Me having a boyfriend with a different coloured skin to my own induced it. Not his massively unhealthy lifestyle.
He has continued to say that he is dying for the last 30 years 🙄 and now has my brothers acting as flying monkeys because I refuse to engage with it anymore. They are forever telling me he is dying and I should be kinder to him, visit him etc. He probably is dying now, but he is late 80s so not exactly unexpected.

It took me a long time to recognize his treatment of me as abuse. And it has caused seismic issues throughout the rest of my life.