Rich parent doesn’t help very poor (adult) child

So.... why are you on the breadline?

Could she be trying to teach you something op?

Totally depends on the situation, how she got to be rich, how you came about to only be on the breadline at 56.

It might just be a result of choices you've both made. Maybe she made many sacrifices to be able to enjoy her money now. Maybe you opted for a more relaxed life and the result is less income.

Yes I would find this really hurtful too @Richparentpoorchild

I grew up poor and through a mixture of hard work and luck, I find myself in a very fortunate position now in my forties. Every penny has been earned by my husband and I, no inheritance/help.

My children are still young but my whole mission in life is to provide them with a better life than I had. I want them to have opportunities that were never open to me. We put lots of our current earnings into savings/jisas/property for them to be able to go to university if they wish, get a mortgage as young as possible, start a business if they want to.

I could never see them struggling their whole lives whilst I sat on a fortune and spent lots of money treating myself to luxuries and not them. Unless of course they were making very poor life choices, drugs etc.

Have you ever discussed with her how much you are struggling? Asked for help? She might be completely oblivious to your needs/feelings.

I would have a frank talk about her helping you with the cost of housing. Do you own your home?
Older people often like to see their money go into bricks and morter investment.
Next time you eat out with her, be honest and admit that you can not really afford to eat out at this time.
Your mother isprobably ignorant of your exact financial position and assumes that you are coping well..

Is this your first post op?

My parents are v loaded, but are very generous with it (they bought Dd and I a house outright when I was pregnant so I didn’t need to worry about mortgage/rent) so yeah that would bother me.

Have you been open with her about your struggle? Sometimes people with money don’t get it and do need you to be open about it. What would she say if you were very point blank about how much you were struggling?

With someone who is oblivious to the obvious, you have to hit them with the facts as if you’re hitting them with a sledgehammer. You have to be very explicit with them about what the issue is and what you want them to do to help you.
If you don’t want to outright ask her for money, you could at least put a stop to the meals with her. You can’t afford to pay your half and you should tell her so.

Is it me or are there a lot of rich parents, poor kids posts around lately?

On one hand, OP, it's her money and her choice. You don't have a right to it. However, I can't imagine sitting on millions and not having set my children up well if I really had that much.

I think we'd have to hear from the mother on this one. There are many reasons where it would be understandable that she isn't helping at this point.

@Neveralonewithaclone , indeed we are not. We both left school at sixteen and saved from our very fist pay packet. We didn’t go on holiday or spend much of our wages and were able to buy our first house when I was eighteen. We carried on saving and started our own business when I was twenty six. The rest is a tale of extremely hard work, few (but very nice) holidays, continuing investing rather than spending. My husband inherited not a penny and in fact had to pay towards his father’s funeral, I asked my father to share what he planned to leave to me with my boys and I did at that stage inherit but that money has not greatly altered our overall estate. Sorry to disappoint you.

That's a very judgemental attitude to have. Let's all assume that everyone who is struggling financially are lazy, alcoholic, drug addicts shall we. Some people really are clueless.

I always get suspicious of new threads on a controversial subject get started at night and the OP doesn't come back and engage with their public.

What was your childhood like? Did your grandparents make provision for their DGC (ie you?)?

your description of your mother and "her parents " sounds very arms length. Were you not brought up by her?

I don't think it's necessarily odd at all.

It very much depends on why the OP is broke.

Lots of people make dreadful choices with their money and then repeat those mistakes over and over.

Lots of people have addictions which takes all their money as soon as they get it

I know more than one person who has simply refused ever to get a job because they don't 'feel it suits them'

Without any information about why the OP is so broke, it's impossible to say.
A parent shouldn't be expected to pay for their children forever.

ALTHOUGH
it could just be complete obliviousness as some rich people are. they dont realise how much people struggle, they think when people say theyre so poor that they still have a few grand in there bank they just cant afford 5 star, sort of thing. I would have an honest conversation but then me and my mum can talk about anything to eachother.

Definitely more info needed. Does she have an narcissistic personality disorder? I never knew about this until I lived beside a wicked woman. This woman never had her own child but got custody of her sister's child evidently when she was angered she never had her own and I was told that it was a ploy for sympathy. Then somehow she managed to inherit everything from property to a luxury vehicle from her UNCLE who had a wife and children who got nothing. She made my life a living hell trying to make my child and I move because she turned her property into short term holiday rentals - she had constant noise complaints because of parties and violence. I tried to talk to her about an issue that was disturbing my child so like a rabid dog she went after me deciding it must've been me calling the police about parties (it wasn't). She had seamstress business on her own. And had a property on her own before the inheritance. Long story short she gave strangers the impression she was a sweet lady. From talking to neighbours and her former friends after she had the big inheritance she just exploded in greed - the more she got, the more she wanted to build her 'empire'. I ended up having to get a lawyer involved because she committed a crime against me in her efforts to get me to move - and we discovered she had lawsuit after lawsuit against from the family that didn't get the inheritance, from people she harassed, she'd sued countless times for injury, she had a restraining orders put on her and then kept trying to get restraining orders on anyone that pissed her off (her attorney told me he is scared of her so he files whatever she wants). And she gets off on taking people to court because her lawyer friend doesn't charge her but she assumes anyone else will have to pay a lawyer. She was taking maximum equity out of her properties to buy other properties - she paid next to nothing on property tax on a million dollar property because it was inherited. During lockdown she got plastic surgery done and was desperately trying to find love with all her money. She was apparently never very attractive and found more friends as she got wealthier. I write all this drama because my suspicion from this experience is that there be more to the story that your MUM is not telling you! You're not improving her image by being on the breadline.

Yes I agree with you OP. I’ve been fortunate to be helped a lot by my lovely parents and have every intention of paying it forward to my children as soon as I can. My partner agrees completely.
For me, it’s about what money is for- if it’s not making the lives of you and the ones you love easier and better then what is the point?

you know why i think this is weird ... because its going to be yours someday anyway, why WOULDNT you give one of your kids one of the many properties you have or some money every month if its not needed by you. this is very odd in my opinion.

Especially in an election year when capturing screenshots and finger pointing between groups is easier than producing actual policy.

It depends on why you're poor. Is there a drink, drug, gambling, workshy problem?

My sister's inlaws are wealthy and they started out giving money to them but they blew through it like water on nothing. Her husband, their son, was a flake who didn't work half the time. So they stopped giving them anything.

Once the OP does not return you can assume journo or does not want to answers questions which might shed more light

I don't know the history, or why the situation is as it is, but no, there is absolutely no way I would run my life like this. I'd have sold off a couple of properties and provided my adult child a house and cash, but that's just me. I want my kids to work for their own money but I also know not everyone can get to a financially comfortable position. It's isn't all about hard work. I'm already getting ducks in a row and working my arse off, not only for me, but in case my kids do need the kind of help you talk about. I actually want to massively help my kids with housing.

If a lot of her wealth was from her own rich parents, YANBU OP. The way I see it, if you got help from your parents you are duty bound to pass it onto your kids. Both DH and I had uni & expenses paid for, and got a hefty amount for a house deposit; and we will do the same for our children in turn. If you don't you are just taking without giving, and screwing over your family line.

When did MN get so nasty that this is the first response?

If she inherited this immense wealth and mansion(!) from her parents, your grandparents, what is the story about why they didn’t include you in the inheritance. And why have you been on the bones of your arse for 15 years? Lazy or waiting for the inheritance?

Sorry OP, it was the thought of someone thinking selling Christmas crap on Facebook would ever change their financial situation has made me raise my eyebrows, no, getting another job, or two other jobs will help, but selling tree decorations made of beer bottle tops won’t ever improve the bank balance.