Rich parent doesn’t help very poor (adult) child

Yeah, I think it’s really unkind and actually quite odd of her to be so definite in her stance never to give you a penny especially that she hasn’t supported you since 16 and doesn’t pay for meals.

Do you know what her will actually says? That sounds grabby on your behalf but just thinking that it sounds like she gets something out of denying you any funds at all. If that’s the case would she want to continue that by leaving it all to the cats home or the boyfriend?

How was your relationship growing up and where is your father in this? Do you have siblings?

The mum inherited properties.
It doesn’t say that’s the mums only wealth though or indeed that all her wealth is inherited.

Its also worth noting by inherited I assume this is after the previous owners died, not whilst still alive.

I wonder whether your mother feels that it's not her responsibility to help you out if you've chosen to spend your entire working life earning the minimum wage and not pushing yourself, looking for training or promotions and working yourself into a more comfortable lifestyle. You say you've managed to get on the property ladder in an expensive area so I'm guessing you've had help there. Perhaps she feels that if you can't be bothered to show a bit of initiative and improve your own life, she doesn't see why she should give everything to you on a plate.

From what you say, you were doing okay until 15 years ago — which is around the time you married your DH. So your decision to marry a man with four dependent children has had a negative financial effect on you. I don't really see why you expect her to bail you out. Anything she gives you will benefit his family and I can imagine in her situation I'd feel a bit pissed off at that idea.

Long and short of it is that you've made your life choices and your mum has made hers. Not sure that complaining about it is a great look.

@Richparentpoorchild As far as I am concerned, it’s fucking unnatural of your mother not to help you out with money. As a parent, my feeling is that’s what money is for: to make sure your kids are good and have what they need.

Were you brought up in the ‘huge mansion’ where your mother now lives? Did you have a privileged upbringing?

Do you have biological children if your own?

The way you’ve made it sound is as if your Mum is watching her own grandchildren go without, but from your update it sounds like you want her to contribute so that your low paid husband who has four children gets an easier time in life. I’m not sure, just trying to work out the situation.

Unreasonable - it's her money not yours. A view put forward by my now-late mother, years ago.

Reasonable - 'we're all in this together'. A view put forward by my dd, recently, when helping me out.

I'm sorry @Richparentpoorchild..you don't have much of a mum there. You sounds decent and you deserve better. Its not even the money, its the lack of thought for you. That's what would hurt me.

Hopefully what she has taught you is how not to be a mum. Don't make your kids feel the way she has made you feel.

Especially when the wealth has been mostly inherited in the first place! "Her money her choice" seems staggering selfish when it has come from previous generations but not shared with later ones.

I just checked back but can't see where it says the mum's wealth is inherited - am I missing something? Because I was wondering whether it was the dad's money and he left it to the mum or something. Be helpful to know the source so it's clearer if the mum's being double-standardsy with her inherited wealth or if she expects everyone to make their own way?

I find this very odd. In her position I would, at the very least, give you a property.

Especially when the wealth has been mostly inherited in the first place! "Her money her choice" seems staggering selfish when it has come from previous generations but not shared with later ones.

I would certainly help out my kids if they were in need.
However.
Both you and your dh work and can pay the bills.
You will probably inherit and I think working out that she may live till she’s 100 says it all really.

Its surprising your mother doesn’t help you out but if she wasn’t as wealthy would you also expect her to because it’s her money and you are a grown adult, she doesn’t have to give you anything, even in her will.

Well, we know that! ,🙄

But surely there should be emotional, moral and familial reasons why it shouldn't be that way.

Even if the relationship with her daughter is strained, she could at least treat her grandchildren to items that will enrich their lives, or are needed for school and activities.

So what do you do? I'd have a different opinion of a carer vs someone who chooses to work as a street mime!
It is a choices thing in all honesty isn't it?

@Richparentpoorchild

Perhaps the crowd will now stop insinuating that you are a feckless gambler/alcoholic/generally incapable/irresponsible.

Op, it sounds very mean, I would be concerned about the boyfriend. I couldn't do that to my son if I was in that position, but I'm not your mum. She can do what she wants with her own money, however lucky she's been to get it.

It sounds like either your mum is a mean selfish cow, or there is more to this than you are saying. Several PPs have asked the question why are you so badly off at your age, which you have still not answered.

I would always try and help my family out, if I could afford it.

But there are 2 adults in your home and so I’m struggling to see how you are so poor.

I would like to know the back story before judging her decisions.

Do you have a dad?
If he’s dead, was he generous before he died?

OP states that several of her mum's many properties were given to her by her rich parents.

I think that counts as being fairly 'clear' that she comes from a wealthy background.

She didnt "clearly " come from money. Her mother specifically was a beneficiary of inherited properties and has chosen not to share it. Its hardly a foregone conclusion that you wind up well heeled because you're parents were well off. They have to actually give you something. That generation of women didnt have to work like women do now - it was entirely possible to own a home on one income (usually the male breadwinner's)..

Maybe she doesn’t like your husband.

This is unconscionable. If she knows that you're struggling - for whatver reason - you would at least expect her to pay for lunch. I've told my younger relatives not to waste money on Christmas presents for me because they're young, have families and life is expensive for them. I don't need anything.
She sounds like a selfish cow to be honest. I would ask her directly to help out and if she refused I would turn my back on her.

Where did the OP went? Very likely this person became spoilt and a nightmare and made poor choices so the mother keep things like this.

I certainly couldn't live the life of luxury, knowing full well my kids and grandkids were on the bones of their arses.

My question however, is how have you ended up in such dire straits, when you clearly came from money? What led to this point?