Rich parent doesn’t help very poor (adult) child

You have chosen to work in a minium wage job and haven't retrained to increase your earning potential. You meet your dh later in life and he has 4 children and then you have more together. I suspect she doesn't approve of your lifestyle choices op. I don't understand the expectation of expecting family members to fund adults. A gift is great but shouldn't be expected. I don't see why she should fund your lifestyle you chosen to have more dc when your dh already had a large family with 4.

You arent making any sense tbh. You've called the OP entitled because she's upset that her parent doesn't help at all financially when she and her children are really struggling. You boasted that your children are independently supporting their own families just by working hard implying the OP is a lazy cow trying to mooch off her poor elderly parent, but it transpires that in reality you arranged things so that your children inherited 200K each and you loaned one another 60K on top! The Ops mother won't even buy her flipping lunch!

Does she ever invite you to holiday at these multiple other properties?

I'd probably pluck up the courage to ask her for some help and take it from there. If she says no then nothing will have changed but you will know you've at least tried.

I struggle to see her behaviour as anything other than selfish when it is obvious everything she has was handed to her on a plate.

Good luck 👍 OP

Would you be willing to ask her? Obviously, it's her wealth, but maybe she can make it clear why she doesn't help you.

I wouldn't see my child struggling. My adult niece is currently living with me. She's working towards getting a deposit to buy, and I'm very happy to give her that chance.

My DM is comfortable, not wealthy, and very happy to share this with family as and when. We don't take advantage, she wouldn't allow it. I don't take anything from her, though.

Quite, Scrooge!

Nowhere did the OP say she felt entitled to her mother’s money. The mother seems to have inherited her wealth herself anyway.

OP has never had any handouts and is living her own life not reliant on her mother at all but she’s right to think her mother is selfish, greedy, toxic and likely narcissistic.

I can’t think of any normal parent not passing on some of their wealth to enhance their children’s and grandchildren’s lives if they have more than enough for themselves.

Especially if their child has never asked for a bean off them and they can see that their lifestyle is much more lower level than theirs. It’s normal parental instinct to want your DC to have a good life and experience all the joys in the world.

Totally baffling that she wouldn't want to make your life easier, take you on holiday, pay for things for the children etc etc especially as you are a grafter just don't earn much.
I understand why you don't ask though, I would never have asked my parents for money unless I was absolutely desperate. However as you have school aged children and a limited number of years to take them on memorable trips, maybe it's now or never?

so she is not generous.
that is all there is to it op.
you know what sort of relationship you have
if you needed money do you think you could ask for? even for a loan?

have you asked her if she is saving for her grandchildren?

At the end of the day it's her money to do what she likes with. She has no obligation to share anything with her adult child. It really irks me that adult children think that they are entitled to their parents wealth.

Personally I'd make sure my child was OK, but if they were not a nice person and prone to poor life choices then I'd reconsider what kind of support I would provide, if any.

Sometimes the expectation that an inheritance is due to them and constant financial handouts from the parents makes tha adult child self absorbed and selfish with a lack of resiliance and ability to adequately plan long term to support themselves and their own families. They have the attidute of "well if I blow all this money or loose my job, Bank of mum and dad will sort me out".

Many of the world's largest companies are owned and operated by families. Some cultures view the family as a vital support network and keep their wealth within the family. However, in the UK, independence is highly promoted, and people are expected to rely on themselves from birth until death. This approach may be seen as selfish and miserly.

Sadly, families can be broken and fragmented, and economic growth is not as prolific as it once was. Many people are struggling financially despite working hard. Some individuals from the older generation may dismiss this as laziness, but I find such an attitude distasteful.

DH is no longer paying child support, as children are now all 18+

Where’s that money going then? If you can’t afford a takeaway or any treat once in a while, what is he spending the money that used to be going for child support of 4 children on?

Is it worth asking, OP? Or would that open a can of worms?

It's possible that, having lived a privileged life herself, she fondly imagines that you enjoy your quaint little lifestyle, like Marie Antoinette and the peasants.

Could you have a little chat with her and explain what a struggle it is, what that actually feels like, what a difference she could make at the wave of a wand? With no expectations for the outcome, but just simply sharing that information so that she is at least aware of your position?

Maybe if you've never asked OP, she thinks you want to fend for yourself. Even though she can see you are struggling compared to her, some people are too proud to accept help and maybe she thinks that is you.
Sit her down and tell her you are struggling, and ask if she could help out, then see what she says.

Exactly!!

This is what I want to know because anyone else would have asked.

They also would have stayed in their nice big house and saved for a deposit, instead of moving out as soon as they could and being skint.

There’s obviously a back story here.

Baffled as to why you are on bones of your ass.
please explain why u are so broke.
you mum could live 20+ more years, needs to look after herself.

If your dad died without a will and assuming they are in the UK then your mum does not necessarily inherit everything.
Search rule of intestacy.

Your dads portion of property for example ( after certain caveats etc ) is shared between your mum and your dads children.

oops just spotted post above saying the same 😄

Are you sure she’s as wealthy as you say? Because on the one hand it sounds like she is. Ie. 8 houses.

On the other hand you say she’s worth a couple of million - which most boomers+ are in the south if you bought c. 1990. The equivalent in house value being about 300k is usually worth around 1-2 million now ; whilst wages haven’t actually moved that much.

Doesn’t make them cash rich by any means. But extremely asset wealthy.

It sounds like you don't have a great relationship @Richparentpoorchild.
That said, maybe she feels that it's up to you to get yourself off the breadline instead of expecting a 'hand-out'? Whether that's not actually easy to do, or whether she is right or wrong in her thinking, that's perhaps the reality of it.
Money causes such division and folk can use it as a power tool, personally I'd rather be poor than manipulated!

She sounds quite mean-spirited and I couldn’t watch my child struggle in such circumstances.

Was she disapproving of you marrying a man with 4 children and punishing you for that? It’s a mindset seen here that wealth is not to be shared for the benefit of other people’s children.

You're a better person than me overall, as I couldn’t be spending my time and money maintaining a relationship with such a stingy parent. Her behaviour is just uncalled for.

OP, if your dad died without leaving a will, did you check whether you were entitled to something from his estate under the intestacy rules? Assuming you are in England, attaching a link to Citizens Advice about this.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/death-and-wills/who-can-inherit-if-there-is-no-will-the-rules-of-intestacy/#:~:text=Children%20%2D%20if%20there%20is%20no,be%20divided%20equally%20between%20them.

is she generous with her grandchildren?

What's stopping you asking her for help? Because something clearly is.

Yes, this is very odd, it's just not what usually happens in wealthy families. Wealthy parents will usually do everything they can to ensure their children end up in the same position. Why did you get no money from her after you turned 16? That's very young, still a child, it would be different if you were 26. I'm very surprised there isn't some backstory, like OPs mum was actually neglectful, or there was some kind of falling out. Did she disagree with your career choices?

I'd say that was the very definition of "came from money". Rich parents, rich grandparents. That's literally exactly what it means.

OPs mother has likely been well-off all her life, as she herself had wealthy parents.

If OPs mother had had a major lottery will in the last decade or so, that would be different. But it sounds like she's had a comfortable life of plenty, and as she nears her later years, why isn't she interested in sharing it now?

My question to OP merely asked about the cause of of their own financial problems, and what reason might the mother have for not sharing?

Was she a good mum when you here a child ? She seems so disconnected ? How is she with your children ?
I am sorry , seems awful . She could have at least let you have your Dads part of the money when he passed away if she is so attached to her own money .

That's actually awful. If you love your kids of course you help them out. No way would I watch my kids struggle.
They would have to work and stand on their own 2 feet but would help with a house etc