Rich parent doesn’t help very poor (adult) child

I think the issue is that whilst your mums parents gave her a house or 2 to start with she hasn’t passed a house or 2 onto you

I actually think your mum sounds quite mean

I think the big house, expensive holidays and meals out are her way of making people envious and she enjoys getting the type of attention where people are in awe of her wealth.

Odd that this thread has resurfaced after more than a month!

That said, hope you are getting on well OP.

From my experience it can be a control thing. My parents never helped me. My mother is very controlling over money and manipulative in other areas too. She knows an inheritance from an aunt will be paid to me very soon (around £45K) although I've never given her any details, and I've had comments about how I'll be rich soon and countless hints about a friend of hers whose daughters paid for her hip replacement. I pointed out that maybe this person didn't have any money, whereas my mother has plenty. This is typical of the kind of stuff she comes out with. She can't bear for me to have anything and often makes spiteful comments.

I think your mother's behaviour is strange and it must be hurtful for you OP.

Yes I think she should help you in the circumstances you describe. I also wondered if you have made unwise choices in your life and not taken advantage of any priviledged you may have had. It is difficult to comment when we don't know the background.

OP @Richparentpoorchild still hasn’t been seen since 5th May

Why respond they’re probably attention seeking/not interested/trolling!

Or maybe made peace with their evil mother and now it’s all 😘

sounds completely made up to me 🤷🏻‍♀️

Some people are very funny about money. It's like a reverse addiction where they have to just hoard all their money I think. But you should let it be known how much you're struggling and what you need, she's not a mind reader.

Another spectacular failure to understand the situation. Straw man arguments abound!

It’s really mean, and of course she knows it. She just doesn’t want to share.
I could never imagine watching my children suffer for money whilst I was minted and enjoying life, but unfortunately there are massive cunts in the world.

You are replying to a Zombie thread, perhaps it would be best to start your own thread, as the OP last posted here a day after her first post, which was over a month ago on 4th May.

No, I wouldn't expect my mother to help out, mine never has and most likely never will. She didn't even offer help after my divorce when I essentially became homeless. Unsurprisingly we haven't been close for years and she can't understand why. She's rarely even offered practical help unless forced to do so

However, she's an adult and can spend her money how she chooses. I'm an adult and it's up to me to take care of myself (and my dc - I won't repeat the same patterns she has, though I don't have a lot to give to my dc).

OPS DM is the original spoilt child in this situation.

I give up. You clearly cannot tell the difference between doing things out of choice or having to do them out of necessity. Or employ critical thinking or understand that spoiled rich kids wanting mummy and daddy to keep up their lifestyle is very different from what they OP is talking about.

"My Mum is worth a few million quid. My husband and I, and our children are on the breadline and have been for at least 15 years."

Did you also miss the follow up post where the OP said she worked minimum wage in a caring profession?

There is no comparative about it. There is a huge disparity in wealth. The OP has asked for nothing, other people saying she should make demands does not apply to her, she is not asking for her kids uni to be paid for.

Why do you think a minimum wage worker would get their arse handed to them if they posted figures and said they were skint? I find that bizarre. It's a not a surprise that minimum wage workers don't have much to live on.

I think if it is within your power you need a line between helping and infantilising - and reading this thread it's not entirely clear where that is.

Sure I did everyone sells things on ebay - in-laws and my parents never turned the heating on. I don't buy anyone gifts at Christmas - it's such a waste of money and resources, no one really likes tat that other people buy them - it's a stupid tradition, especially for the skint, the time poor and the environmentally aware - time we did away with it. I can't believe we are still pushing this nonsense.

But that's not the case here though, is it? The OP isn't demanding a life of luxury, just a little of the huge excess her mother is keeping to herself. And it would be extremely hypocritical if the mother in this situation wanted OP to earn her lifestyle when her own is in part due to inheriting her own parents wealth. There's a balance surely between wanting children to take responsibility and not be entitled, and living a life of greed surrounded by excess and watching your family go without.

Honestly I can't even begin to fathom not helping my children, if that was within my power.

Someone is saying that her mother should pay for the grandkid's uni experience - if the OP is as poor as she is suggesting her dc will get a full loan - which is a lot more generous than most kids seem to live on. I think the op is not as well off comparatively to her mother - fair enough but if she posted her income on here and said she was on the bones of her arse she be kicked from here to next week.

@Rutlandwater Did you read this bit? "We have no extra money for treats or holidays or anything nice. At Christmas, I sell things on eBay to make some money, so that I can buy family members Christmas presents. We never put the heating on because we just can’t afford it." So the OP and her family are going without necessities.

"we go out for lunch now and then and she never treats me, I always have to pay my half."

She doesn't even ask to have her lunch paid for her, so is not exactly demanding a life style of luxury be handed to her. She is simply bewildered about why her very wealthy parent, who inherited her wealth, would not want to share some of her good fortune with her own child and grandchildren, even if its just a sandwich. It's a fair point!

You seem to have issues about your own kids and the children of your peers, which does not apply here.

Another person who has either failed to read and understand the OP's posts or entirely missed the point. What does your friend's DD have to do with this? If her daughters want to save up for 4 star holidays rather than go on lots of cheap ones, that is entirely their choice. Neither you nor your friend sound terribly pleasant.

I thought the OP wanted help with treats and holidays and making her life easier. She said she had everything covered.

Nobody is saying that! They are saying why would you let your kids struggle and your grandchildren go without if you could help!

Are you now talking about your own set of circumstances, because you are losing me? I am talking about the example the OP has given, of a wealthy parent that will not help out a child on the breadline. Helping someone out who is really suffering (and not being able to turn the heating on is a major problem) is not infantilising them. It is helping someone in real trouble. You are confusing two separate things.

Speaking to a friend - her dds in their 20s refused to go on holidays to anywhere below 4*. She was horrified - young people assuming they should live to the same standards as their parents by association and gifting need a hard dose of reality. We want our kids to earn their lifestyle not hand it to them on a plate like some on this thread seem to think we are required to do.