Were you liked or disliked at school, and did it have an effect on you?

I was horrifically bullied the whole way through secondary school. People I didn’t even know would shout abuse at me, trip me up in the corridor and spit at me, all day and every day. Apparently I was ‘posh’ (I wasn’t - it was just my disabled mum and me and we were poor - but I was polite and never swore), and I was a ‘boff’ (I worked hard and got good grades). I was beaten up, physically thrown out of classrooms into corridors, and after PE had my towel or clothes stolen whilst undressed and then was surrounded and had my body cruelly mocked. I blamed myself and felt deeply ashamed for being so unlikeable. I’ve realised as an adult that I’m autistic, which explains a lot. Despite all that I did make some good friends, mostly through an extracurricular activity at school, and stayed in touch with some of them. The bullying had a massive effect on my self-esteem though and even now as an adult I’m very wary of people and feel rejection acutely.

I'm I touch with one teacher that I got on with. And no one else.

Always the outsider. Badly bullied at junior school and some in secondary. Never really fitted into a grip at uni either. It crippled my confidence for years.

I wasn’t disliked but I don’t think I was liked.
I sat on my own a lot in class.
last to be picked in P.E.
i was average looking and not seen as cool.
i lived a bus ride away in a less well off area than I went to school.
I lived in a terrace house and the people I went to school with had enormous houses.
i wasn’t bullied though. Just on my own.
I hated it and went straight into work at16 due to high school.

I’m well liked at work but I haven’t got many friends outside of work.
I presume I’m just one of those people that only make friends when people are “forced” to be with me (like in a work situation) and then they realise I’m actually ok.
a mum at the school has tried really hard to be friends with me. I don’t know how to be now. I don’t know if I want it. It stresses me out.

I was very badly bullied by a group of girls aged about 15. Afterwards, I had one or two close friends. However, I remember realising soon after that absolutely horrible period that I was generally very well liked. Not like a popular 'in' person. Just like someone who connected to lots of people easily. I think that was threatening to those bullies. I am still the same now age 45. I get on with people easily. Possibly because I genuinely enjoy other people and I am interested (nosey, really) in them. I am still close friends with one school friend and see others regularly. I often think that what I lack in romantic luck, I make up for in platonic friendship. I have never been lonely for mates. I am very grateful for that.

I was bullied mercilessly at secondary school. From the first day to the last. Sometimes physically, but the majority of the time it was psychological. Everyone hated me. I still don't really know why!

I did make a couple of friends in year 10/11 but I have not seen any of them in years and so not really in touch anymore.

It was a pretty miserable experience all around and one I don't like to think about or dwell on. It has had, to a certain extent, a lasting impact on my self-esteem. Although I am happy and confident now, I definitely still don't naturally think of myself as a likeable person. I tend to assume people think the worst of me.

Luckily I moved to a (much nicer) school, in different town, to do my A-Levels and was able to reinvent myself (no one else from my old school came to the same school). While I wasn't overly popular during A-Levels, I made friends easily and I had a lovely (and fairly large) friendship group, and it was truly transforming to leave those years of bullying and torment behind and just to be happy going into school each day. It also made me value good friends and kindness.

I remember being absolutely terrified on my first day of 6th form. But I plucked up the courage to go and speak to a girl who was standing by herself. She was lovely. We are still friends now!

It’s been absolutely fine since we moved to a more diverse area and sent the dc to a much much bigger school. I think at the very small village school we were just so different and I was so ‘absent’ compared to the other mums that we appeared as if something wasn’t right just because they had a very set way of things being done and we didn’t fit in. It was one of those situations where I just thought I’ll pick my battles and this isn’t one of them , it was time to move on and I’m glad we did.

I’m glad you have made a small
circle of friends - you’re absolutely right about quality over quantity.

hopefully you’ve had no more problems since your kids have move school.

I imagine if you and I met we’d be like those magnets that either attract each other or force the other away. 🤣 I’m similar and it’s a bit odd but I’ve gotten used to it over the years.

One thing I have found is that it’s a disaster if I join an organized thing. I think people like the theory of me but then the practical application goes a bit sideways. So now if I’m asked to join a club or organization I just decline.

I wasent hugely popular at school although I always had friend ,s they weren't hugely popular either as i grew large up and accepted myself for who I was I found more friends who were more like me.

I was, and am, a polarizing person.
People either like me a lot, or not at all, so while I have always had friends and make friends easily, not everyone likes me. I struggled with it when I was younger, then somewhere in my 20's realized I don't actually care, and that made life so much easier
I am still friends with people from all stages of life, from little kid friendships, school, past work mates, and so on.
I'm mid 40's and still hang out with high school friends regularly.

We had a sporty/loser split in our school and I was both sporty and a loser and in both groups

I do , thankyou

No - just because I’m disliked by the majority doesn’t mean the majority is correct.

I have a small and genuine circle of true friends now, not many but I won’t complain because it definitely is quality over quantity.

I can see the issues that cause / caused me to be perceived the way I was and I can’t change those ! (ASD black woman). I chose to move away from the area I grew up in and where I lived initially - I changed my dc school after what was written about me (and was based on me not being there often at drop off / pick up - I work !!! So therefore ‘having no relationship with other parents and not engaging in school life and the children not socialising out of school with their peers ‘ (eg pta and events) and just being different ! So no I feel absolutely no need to change

I was popular at school. I dated the popular boys, I was never bullied. Lucky, basically.
I also NEVER picked on anyone and detested bullies.
I also had a raging eating disorder and had terrible anxiety which I carry to this day. I was very much the girl who put a face on for the crowds but who underneath was very confused and sad.

I had friends in school, but I’m no longer in close contact with anyone although I keep in touch through SM. I have about ten good friends now, all female and all within 5 years of my age. I was bullied by some boys in my class between the ages of 11-14 which had a lasting effect on me. They used to say I was ugly and fat (I was neither). It made me fear men but be desperate to be found attractive by them, and led me into some unpleasant situations and relationships.

christ.

im all for being true to one’s self but have you ever considered that you might need to make a few changes?

I was bullied at school for being overweight. Really nasty bullying.

I did have friends though, and did well at school but I was affected by it a lot to this day

I was bullied unmercifully at secondary school. I was a quiet, hardworking girl from a small village,and the local secondary school was dog rough. I was picked on for being quiet,being clever,being stupid,being ugly,and being 'posh' by both girls and boys. One even encouraged her younger siblings in the year below to physically attack me. I hated it and was thoroughly miserable. Things improved slightly for the last two years,when another school merged with ours and I was moved into a class where I barely knew anyone. I left school at 16,even though I was capable of A levels,as I couldn't wait to leave. I didn't go to uni either.

I'm only in touch with one person from my time at school. I think that I've always been a bit 'off' socially as I'm not sure how to act with friends as I didn't have any for so many years. For years I distrusted anyone who was nice to me,as I was waiting for them to betray me. If I'm honest,being bullied has had a lifelong effect on my self confidence and relationships with other people.

I was neither popular nor unpopular (I hope 😬). I didn't have many friends because I'm shy at heart, didn't trust other females (family issues) and didn't have social skills.

Things aren't much better now 😂

@ganymedeInafuse you poor thing - what a horrible experience. I hope you also have some nice people around you.

Natural trailblazer at school, had plenty of friends I think because I was confident to push the boundaries for more. Opted out of the popular group when they invited me - I didn’t like their attitude. I don’t really see any of them now, I left the area. I’d not be concerned to see them, in fact I’d be happy to find out how they are doing.

I’ve a few on social media still I think, although not many really. I don’t think it impacted me really, I hope they felt I was invested in them. People aren’t always along for the whole ride of life.

sometimes a lack of self-awareness can help you have more friends. YOu ring twenty people and say want to go to the cinema? and finally number 20 says, ok.
I know a woman my age (50s) who is still like this, always out. always posting it on facebook, she looks so popular, so surrounded by friends, but I don't think she really ''connects'' when she talks to people. there's no reciprocal exchange going on and she doesn't make people feel seen. But.....out ever night of the week and surrounded by people.

Looking back, I was actually more popular than I realised at the time...

I was a weirdo. so picked on a bit for that; but I was a Nice weirdo, so most people actually thought I was ok.

Primary school I had a great time. Lower secondary went a bit screwy. Upper secondary worked its way out of terrible into ok, and 6th form was surprisingly fine.

Yeah, I spent a long time thinking no-one wanted to talk to me.

I lost my slightly older sibling the year before I started high school. I then went on to the local comprehensive that had a bad reputation. I started with about 5 others from my primary. 3 girls that I had been friendly with but not bestows decided to that it would be a great laugh to make fun out of my trauma. I stayed strong and I didnt react but deep down in hurt bad. They laid off by year 10. I was not in the popular group nor in what was called the loners group. I was friends with most but not close friendships.

I've gone into adulthood the same. I don't have any real friends, can't call on anyone in a tome of need. I don't really understand it, I'm very popular at work and was very popular amongst the boys yet don't make true friends.

I've bumped into some of my high school foes in recent years and they are oblivious to what they did!