To think modern parenting has rendered us helpless?

I wouldn't be doing sanctions at 3, but calm explaining and empathising. They're just learning and it's up to us to show them the way. If you have a 'spirited child' 😉, I did, the sanctions etc will often only seem funny/rile them up further.

I heard a mother in the changing room yesterday. Three kids in tow, brave. Constant reminders of the promised hot chocolate afterwards and then constant warnings of not getting one 'I mean it' 'There won't be a hot choc' etc. Honestly, I think it's the feeling of need to sanction that makes you feel helpless as small children don't care. Hold the boundary, physically if necessary (close the dryer) but I'd not bother with sanctions. Mine are 12 and nearly 9 now and now 12 yo gets sanctions if needed, 8yo has never had a sanction, but is easiest child ever so I just got lucky there.

My DD was brilliant, I could do those calm chats and come to a mutual agreement that she was being unreasonable.

No such luck with DS, he's a whirlwind. All he cares about is immediate fun. No discussions will help, no punishment helps.

They aren't any more obedient if they are smacked by the way.

In other countries/in the past you get posts like
"My child doesn't care if I smack him, how can I make him behave?"

www.quora.com/How-do-you-punish-a-child-who-doesnt-care-about-being-spanked#:~:text=If%20being%20spanked%20or%20the,not%20work%20for%20every%20child.

Evidence: my mother!

YABU, there are many, many options about parenting, just choose one to try for the current situation.

time out worked fine for me with one DC, for example, but not the other. DC1 was messy and destructive and never got bored of repeated ‘games’, was tedious. Had to find physical ways to keep DC1 away from things and to get tasks done, eg gate on bedroom door. DC1 is still messy as a teen!

Take him out of the room. Stand against the closed door (still holding other child) and talk to him about something else.

A mixture of distraction and preventing him from doing the thing you've told him not to.

Three year olds are difficult. Wait till he's four and telling you all the school rules like his teacher is magic or something!

Give him a job of throwing dirty clothes in laundry. I used distraction and keep them busy and lots of play. All behaviour is communication, it really is.

If very bold which honestly was very rare I put their teddy on time out, my youngest is ten so a while ago.

I wasn't, nor my late mother were ever slapped so going back 76 years. We managed to grow up well adjusted with the odd rebellious streak.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. Sometimes when my children are driving me up the wall I wish I could give into my instincts/return to how I was raised as I'm sure they'd be more obedient. However then I remember that I've had therapy and still don't really like my mother and that's usually enough to placate me that the way we're doing it will hopefully lead to more well rounded adults who want to spend time with me later on!! Also we did start out that way with DS, we had no emotional regulation and we were all fighting eachother. It made him more willful and angry. Makes sense really, he was following the role models he had. That's just my experience though.

It's hard when they're 3, they can be terrors. My second is nearly 3 and she's tough. But we're using the techniques from How to Talk So Little Kids will Listen and Calmer Happier Easier Parenting which were so helpful with DS. He is now just one of my absolute favourite people on the planet. He's kind, helpful, he listens most of the time, he wants to do things for others. We switched the mood of the house from consequences to noticing and praising good behaviour, which has also made me feel much more content and positive overall with life and our family. The house is rarely shouty now. We're a team.

Would recommend them, it's a long term project, but genuinely no regrets.

No, I think many 3 year-olds were always like that. Some are naturally pretty biddable even at that age, and among the rest, some have learned more self-awareness and cooperating skills by 3 and quite a lot haven't.

He won't, he'll grow up. Doesn't mean you won't want to strangle him repeatedly in the meantime though!

Remove him from the room and stop him getting in there again.

Baby gate may be useful.

Very few people remember being three but ages two-three are peak tantrums and annoyingness.

I have a three year old, they don't care. They don't have shame yet. Eldest was even worse, although she at least behaved at nursery.

I do a lot of "If you don't come to the bathroom by three I'm going to take teddy X. One... Two..." I don't often get to three as otherwise she'd have nothing to play with but I do often enough that the threat is real iykwim. The count usually works.

Doubtless an unpopular approach on MN, but when she's in that mood she just doesn't listen to nice, calm explanations about how we need to get ready in the morning. I follow up with that stuff once she's calmed down.

But yeah, three year olds are feral, don't worry about it.

Did you pick him up and remove him from the area of the drier? That is what I would have done. Not sure if it is the best way but if he weren’t listening to me I would physically remove him.