To think modern parenting has rendered us helpless?

He's 3. 3 year olds are exploratory and mischievous. He's looking for your reaction. If what you're doing isn't working then do something else. Give him a job, distract him etc. I've never had to do more than change the tone of my voice for my dc to know that I was serious.

The thing that surprised me as a parent in the "We're all perfect parents until we have children" sense, and that I see coming through in my child free best friend is that I foolishly thought I would tell my children not to do something and they would instantly understand and obey. Of course, that's not how it works and it can take (seemingly? literally?) a thousand times for them to hear and absorb the message that they do in fact need to behave.

I'm trusting that in consistently telling my 3yo, it'll pay off when she's 8, regardless of how little she cares now.

My DC1 always found attempted sanctions highly amusing, too. You do have to decide what's important and follow through somehow, though. Even if that means the washing comes out when he's in bed. Saying no and being unable to stop him ignoring you is a recipe for trouble later on.

@bustroubles fair enough!! Shows all kids are different huh. Was life changing for us. Really hope you find your solution 🙂

Of course - once they understand, yes they need to be told off. But they also need to be taught. A lot of them like the sensory input of banging their hand against something.

Smacking isn't illegal.
It's not ideal but it's not illegal.

It's a distraction but it's also showing them a good outlet for their impulses, see also "we don't hit people but you can hit this drum" etc.

See I just couldn't. Hitting (or kicking it biting) are instant severe giving out (not shouting) and a consequence like the loss of a toy or treat.

also, you can put the other child down, and remove the toddler from what they are doing.

I still see this a lot in supermarkets "xxx don't do that... mummy doesn't like it when you do that... oh that's a mess, i don't like that" FFS get the child away, if you have to abandon your shopping and come back later? tough tits. etc etc

It is hard work having a 3 year old. It is really hard if you also have a younger child (or an older one tbh) but you have to put the effort in. You're a parent. It's your job.

They're still small enough to physically restrain so you've always got that if you need it. I.e tuck under arm and leave shop if they won't behave.
But my strategy for that age and personality was to try to channel the energy into something I was happy with... Mixed success of course but anticipating boredom and filling the gap before it happens is better than just reacting when things pop up... But for every strategy there's a kid it doesn't work for.

I had twins.

In any given situation there are a range of strategies you can use.

With most three year olds successful strategies are removal and distraction.

If you have both (or one) up a climbing frame refusing to leave the park, then you can't use strategy one because you can't reach them.

So you can try either strategy 2, distract (ooh look there's a tractor want to come and see it?)

Or just wait them out. Toddlers get bored fast and they'll come down eventually and then you can remove.

Are you calm when reacting to the clothes situation? I know it's not easy but if you're obviously frazzled and cross about it yes, it will seem like a great laugh to run back in and see mummy get mad!

I think you can do time out without a big declaration the naughty step was such a performance .

This sounds like really normal three year old behaviour! My two pence worth... I do a mixture of consequences, boundaries, and redirection.

Consequences are "natural" or related consequences whenever possible (e.g. you're throwing a toy, the toy is removed etc), but when not possible, they have a reward chart which is an empty photo frame with some big foam stars in it. They get a star for good behaviour but I will also remove a star for bad behaviour. When the frame is full they get a treat of some kind. They don't like losing a star so once established even the warning of losing one is often enough.

Boundaries just involve making it impossible for them to do the unwanted behaviour, so in this case putting a child lock on the drier, removing them from the room, blocking off the kitchen/utility with a baby gate etc. If the boundary is frustrating to them (i.e. they want to get in the kitchen) then tbh at this age good, they are old enough to understand that their failure to follow instructions led to the boundary, and when they have shown they can follow instructions we can try again with the gate open etc etc.

Redirection really does help but takes a bit more patience imo, which I don't always have! But I try, so e.g. in this case, "we don't throw the wet clothes but you're doing some really good throwing! How about if I set this empty box up here and give you these bean bags, can you throw them into the box? Here's your start line..." etc. It's a distraction but it's also showing them a good outlet for their impulses, see also "we don't hit people but you can hit this drum" etc.

Best of luck, three year olds are... fun!! 😬😅

Is there a difference between time out and naughty step, apart from the name? I'd have seen them as the same. Unless it's the adult taking the time out, which is more than fair!!

meh. he's 3. first child? be the parent you want to be that will bring up the person you want your small child to grow into (funny how you immediately went to smacking for "old fashioned" parenting)

don't smack.

Consistency and clarity is the way to go. and age appropriate.

I think Time out is fine isn't it ? You are just removing them from 1 situation to another so they can calm down and re set themselves,
little kids can't regulate emotions very well so a "time out" just decompresses the chaos. I can remember the "naughty step" I'd never do that personally, but a time out is OK imo.

My eldest is 12 and I remember reading time out was an 'emotional slap', in a years old book, when he was a baby. Written by a child psychologist, so not completely new thinking. Glad I didn't do it, I just know ds1 one would have been a nightmare doing that. I empathised, I stated boundary, I removed and distracted if needed. He wasn't perfect, small children are not, and I wasn't either. Looking back without the neurosis of doing it all the 'right way', I think do what suits you and your child to get through but sanctions don't seem to be working for you op so I'd change it.

I’m confused as to why you say “time out isn’t recommended “?

You Just need to be firm he is checking boundaries you need to give him them, I do think you can do that without smacking. My eldest is 31 I never smacked. 3 year olds are exhausting and it sounds like you are struggling which isn't unusual with toddlers I don't think that's anything to do with modern parenting just parenting in general.

I don’t realise time out wasn’t recommend anymore? Mine are 12 and 9 now but had to sit on the bottom step of the stairs for a certain amount of time. If they got up I just put them back. My son would stay but my daughter had to repeatedly be put back. It was painful but worth it.

I agree though that too much parenting seems to be based on goodwill. Which is ridiculous.

Age three is a horrible age for naughtiness but if you don't handle it correctly then you set yourself up for trouble later on.

If they won't listen then remove the child (not the item). Every single time. After the first few times of explaining why etc etc, you don't talk to them, you don't make eye contact, you just physically lift them up and remove them.

That's really interesting!! Thanks for sharing. I always just think about how humiliated I used to feel if I was slapped and therefore how much I'd try to avoid it and sometimes do think it would be easier if my kids had a bit more of that in them. However it's usually a fleeting moment during a meltdown and I don't give in to it as on balance it's definitely not the kind of household I want for us.