To think modern parenting has rendered us helpless?

That's just cruel and bad parenting.

Ted doesn't need to go in the bin! That's a bit much for standard 3yo bullshit. He can just spend the night in your room, that's enough.

I actually agree just tell them off sometimes you don't need to give them chances or explanations a telling off as soon as they start something unacceptable might stop them in their tracks. Children thrive on any attention good or bad so a lot of behaviour Is just them feeding off energy,

He's 3, get up and distract him with something more productive rather than telling him off from across the room.

I've realised that us working so hard to find ways to not say no to our child and using gentle phrases like 'when .... and then....', we have a generation of children who have almost never been told no. I think this might be the root of a lot of our problems.

I find when I try the modern parenting approaches and pretend to be calm when I'm not 9/10 I eventually end up completely losing my shit. Now I've given up on any approach which involves a barrage of twee words or a long debate about feelings, doesn't work for me.

At 3 I'd focus more on prevention of situations anyway. Their impulse control is crap. Save the discussions about big feelings for more calm and less time constrained situations, it's more likely to be effective.

Does he usually have pudding after dinner?

Create one! Big poster with velcro bus stops and a bus, every time he's good move the bus forward one stop to the treat zone, if he's naughty move it back one. Superstar Jar with big pom poms in it. Add one when good, remove one when naughty.

Honestly I've always been quite strict with mine. I never smacked, but I often see threads on here saying to pick your battles with toddlers. For example toddlers refusing to wear coats in cold weather etc. I never followed that approach, not wearing a coat in cold weather was not an option in my house. A 3 year old does not get to be in control.

Lol at they evolve and adapt. I remember commenting that my two year old was exceeding her milestones in the tantruming stakes.

You are allowed to tell your own kids off!!!!! I want to shout this from the rooftops sometimes. I've seen friends have years of battles and struggles with their kids - generally it starts with pleading/explaining 'please don't do that because talk talk talk talk talk' that doesn't work. Doesn't work some more. And some more. Then parent loses it, reacts in a disproportionate frenzy of frustration, child matches the emotion and life becomes miserable!

Just tell them off, really firmly and briefly, the first time. You can be angry, you can glare, it's okay they won't break from it. Tell them off quickly and mean it and then let it be over and move on

They'll be tears the first time and you'll say "I did warn you" then in the future the threat of more toys going in the bin will work wonders.

I also do this (I count to 5) and I've sailed so close to the wind with it! A couple of weeks ago I started counting when I was on the other side of a soft play, wrangling my younger child. I honestly had no idea what I would do when I got to 5... but she came on 3 thank goodness 🤣

Read up on the consequences method, it's good because it can be adapted to every child and situation. I did it on a parenting course Family Links from kids school. Really good if you get chance to do it.
I took it as find something that bothers them , can be small and simple . If makes the towels dirty if you do that, and I've asked you to stop doing that , if you don't stop then we won't (insert whatever) and you really must carry it out. I'm so sick of people threatening things that they are not going to do and would affect the whole family, it needs to be just them that has the consequence.

I found this with my eldest. But now my eldest is older so my 3 year old follows his lead and I had to introduce other methods 🤣 they evolve and adapt, sadly!

This is what three year olds are like!! I don't think modern parenting is to blame.

At this age I used to use "count to 3". I would tell him to stop and then say "DS I'm going to count to 3". Then if I did get to 3 there would an immediate minor consequence. Like sitting on the step for one minute. Quite quickly they reacted to the "count to three" threat, and stop whatever it is when you are on 2.

Is there a toy he cares about? Say "if you do that again ted is going in the bin" then follow through with it if he does it again

Time out or naughty step is effective and I think it is fine. We did it very rarely but once the kids knew it was possible then a threat of the naughty step and 3 strikes worked.

Something immediate (naughty step or moving away) always works better than a delayed punishment (no tv tonight)

I used to find that a firm NO!! - with a face to match, plus a very firm physical removal from whatever it was, usually worked.

TBH I was never a fan of ‘No, we don’t do that’, in very-kind-Mummy tones.

I agree that school behaviour seems dreadful ( from what I’ve read in here). But most countries in Europe don’t advocate smacking either, so how do THEY discipline their children? And is behaviour in schools better on the Continent?

How insightful. Got any actual advice for OP? Because she's here asking how to discipline her kids. Seems pretty motivated to me.

I have a “strike” system. Eg if they get 3 strikes they don’t get whatever the thing is we are doing that day that they look forward to- if weekend then screen time, soft play etc. you have to actually stand by dropping the activity no matter how upset they get but then they do usually listen. I do usually do the counting to 5 before issuing a strike as well (trying to build in buffers).

I have no idea if it’s wrong or right but they are generally pretty well behaved (with me - I don’t think DH has any sort of system at all so it’s herding cats for him).

We have lost the basic respect to parent children. Instead, we want to be their friends. We have taken everything we found uncomfortable as a child and decided our children will never experience those things.

The result is plain to see. Classrooms filled with bored, abusive kids, who mock, physically attack or simply ignore their teachers. Any behaviour which SHOULD be challenged is instead labeled as "condition", usually qualified by some inept parent saying

"oh, we are waiting on a diagnosis of ADHD"

Ant then these deluded "parents" blame anyone and anything but themselves for their feral child's behaviour.

Because that removes any responsibility they have towards parenting ther child. How many times have we read similar statements on these forums.

Isn't it strange how in other countries children don't behave the way to way they do here.

It's just adult babies, having children, without the first clue or motivation how to actually be parents.