To think modern parenting has rendered us helpless?

This is why many people still spank, even though it’s not “the done thing” anymore.

In that instance I would have raised my voice to show I was angry, Told them it was naughty, brought them back and made them put the clothes back in the dryer. Asking a three year old nicely is pointless and they learn nothing!

People say there are no bad dogs only bad owners and the same goes for children. They need to be brought up right from the start that the parent is the one in charge, the parent makes the rules and needs to be respected there is plenty of time to be their friend once they become adults. Our always knew what boundaries there were and were taught how we expected them to behave and as a result we had well mannered and well behaved children who we could take anywhere.

Wait till they become teens then we will see if the modern gentle parenting worked.

Mine is the exact same..

Honestly, The arguments, negotiations and general drama I have getting her to wash her hands after using the bathroom is so extreme and a huge feature of life right now. Then Yesterday at nursery drop off her teacher said "you're just in time for snack, go and wash your hands" and DD skipped over to the sink and washed her hands like it was the nicest task on the planet.

I nearly FAINTED 😂

I try to be grateful that she's not a people pleaser and that she feels safe enough with me to explore boundaries 😬

My DS was the same and it very much was a phase. It took him a while but eventually he figured out there were consequences to being a little shit naughty. It's much easier now he's 6 and can be reasoned with! Just keep ploughing on and keep sticking to your guns op, it should work out OK in the end

Just commenting in solidarity.

I'm generally calm and measured with my DD3 so recently I think she's been determined to get a rise out of me (it seems just for a laugh) and holy shit shes doing great.

This week:
every toilet roll repeatedly unraveled.
Huge flowing designs smeared into my carpet with toothpaste
Ripping leaves off my cheese plants
Attempts to unravel curtains

And no discussion helps... bargaining short lived... sanctions useless... Aaaaaaaaahhhhh....I just have to pray its a phase right? Apparently she's an absolute angel in nursery and with babysitter so that gives me some reassurance 😬

We're a very sensory house and my son is also a laundry fiend, as well as a cup pourer, thrower, spinner etc.

We have had to adapt the house to accomodate him. Baby gates, cups at the table and preferably reusable takeaway cups with some sort of top on to reduce the spill, open spaces, accessible soft balls.

When he gets into trouble we have to redirect, and usually do it based on the sensory input he's getting from the original activity. So pouring: water table, bath, shower, washing his toys in the sink, whatever. Throwing, very vestibular and proprioceptive, so throwing and catching his soft ball toys or textured toys, taking laundry out: put them in this hamper to be hung up and help me put more in let's see who can do it fastest.

It's hard work. It doesn't always work. My son was very "well why should I do that when the thing I'm already doing is fun?" But with enough persistence of "you can't do that but you can do this" it works most of the time.

Also three is a horrible age. Newborn to almost 3 was a dream even though he has got his own challenges. 3 onwards and he's too independent for his own good and very self directed with no consistent motivator.

I do remember being 3, and being very similar to my son, and I did get the odd smack, and I will always feel like my childhood was an abusive one even though the adults now have grown and changed too.

I think all kids, every single one, would benefit from a sensory diet plan. Every one craves sensory input in one way or another and they're not an exact science but they help you know your child's body and what they love and then you're better equipped to redirecting.

Mine did all kinds of bizarre shit untill I lost the plot, dragged him to sofa and shouted to sit the fuck down.
Now he sits sulking or crying and does not repeat that for at least faw days until memory fades away (3y old).

Children need to learn that making someone angry does have consequences.
He is DS, he will be beaten up on the street if he winds wrong people up. Compared to that, a little shouting and forcing him to listen and 100% do not fuck with me will benefit him.
I know I will be torn on MN for this but I am mother and need to keep him alive.

I think a short sharp bollocking is more useful than wittering on about all kinds of mummy doesn’t like that nonsense.

And there’s only so far you can take the “engineer situation so child is never asked to modify their behaviour” To use the chocolate in fridge analogy- how do you get to the point where you can keep chocolate in the fridge/expect washing not to be thrown on the floor if you never expect them to leave stuff alone?

I had all my toys put in bin bags and thrown out because my bedroom was untidy. Didn’t do me any harm (well apart from having to have therapy as an adult, the people pleasing, being scared of everything, fawning with people so I don’t get in trouble). No no didn’t do me any harm!!!

now obviously it wasn’t just the toy incident (I also one stamped my feet once as a two year old and got belted, my parents tell this story proudly as evidence of their excellent parenting as apparently I never did it again- I also never showed anger again as I was petrified).

so try these drastic things with some little kids and you will destroy them.

3 year olds have always been difficult. But in the past parents sued consequences that actually worked like time out.
Just moving them away only works with biddable children. My children would have just seen that as a game and ran straight back.
You have to have consequences that are meaningful, otherwise they will ignore you.

Absolute nonsense. My children are very well disciplined and they have never been hit by us. I know many very well behaved children whose parents don't hit them. Not every child is the mumsnet stereotype of a screeching banshee running round restaurants and never hearing the word no.

Have a read/watch/listen of Dr Becky at GoodInside (book, Instagram, podcast, ted talk etc). Her approach can be literally life changing. It's all about boundary setting. "Stop doing that" isn't a boundary. "I won't let you do that" is a boundary. But how won't you let them? You are asking a 3 year old to have impulse control that they simply don't have. Remove them from the situation, make it so they can't empty the dryer. It's hard work but all kids want to do well and everyone is only doing the best they can at the time. That applies to the parents too. Sometimes we don't react the way we want to but we are only doing the best we can at that time. Honestly she has changed the way I see my kids behaviour and boundary setting works.

I'd do time out.He needs to learn quickly that it's not a game.

@csiaddict i had toddler taming too, great book! I reckon it would be regarded as very old school nowadays.

I do think we have lost our way a bit in parenting with boundaries and discipline. We are all bombarded with so much information and influence by social media that it's easier to lose confidence.

You actually threw it away?? That’s so cruel because for a child it’s not an amalgamation of cotton and wool ; it’s alive.

What a horrible thing to say. I personally wince every time I read the C word and to apply it to a child, however badly behaved, is awful.

I must add the naughty step was used when he was around 3.

I'm afraid I used the naughty step as it was quite ok then, and it worked!
I don't think I scarred DC for life as he seems like a very well adjusted 20 something who doesn't hate me.
At school they always said how pleasant and polite he was...

As a grandparent who bought two DCs up on the "benign neglect" principle, I have always wondered how it is that those who oppose smacking never seem to be able to come up with a substitute for disciplining children.

It's really difficult trying to do things differently from the way in which our parents dealt with us as children as they were our first teachers and role models. This book "Toddler Taming" by Christopher Green https://www.waterstones.com/book/new-toddler-taming/christopher-green/9780091902582 saved me though as it helped give me a new perspective. For example "Problem: toddler keeps taking chocolate out of fridge, Solution: don't keep chocolate in fridge" - which seems obvious but if you're caught up in the problem you often can't see the wood for the trees.

Also with 3yr olds, often giving them more attention (repeatedly saying no) is just what they want. Although it's hard, just ignore him and walk away like you don't care or aren't interested. No audience means no point acting up.