Mother in law thinks I’m ugly

I don't understand why you think your mil should compliment your looks?

I've never had a conversation about whether my mil is beautiful and I assume she never has about me.

Is she polite ti you? Does she treat you well?

My dds are both beautiful inside and out. They have lovely boyfriends who treat them well . I don't think I've ever particularly thought about their boyfriends looks they are nice looking I guess. But I certainly never told them.

My mil never commented on my appearance, thinking about it, but I never once considered she thought I was ugly. I’m not and don’t have self esteem issues, I certainly didn’t need validation from her.

i think the fact you do, is a concern for you. As long as you like how you look and your husband does, this is all that matters.

I agree, it is weird how MIL's are seen as some kind of single entity.

Anyone could become a MIL... even you, OP!

They're obviously not all the same.

Just because someone doesn't actively tell you that you are good looking, doesn't mean they think you are ugly!

Mums always say that kind of stuff to their children, why are you thinking so much into it? Parents think their kids are the most beautiful things in the world.

Is she telling everyone else they are beautiful too or just her children?

I think you need to relax a bit, you sound insecure about your appearance to be dwelling on it this much.

Do you think she's attractive? There are people who communicate via compliments on looks ie 'you're looking wonderful! I love your earrings!' which I think displays something about them. Plus she finds your dh and gd attractive because she can see herself in them 😂

I think this says more about how you feel about yourself rather than what your MIL thinks of you.
Try not to let it get to you, stop complimenting her and just forget about it. Who cares how attractive she thinks you are? Your husband loves you and thinks you're attractive - that's all that matters. There is more to a person than what they look like!

You sound very self absorbed OP.

Maybe she does think you're ugly, or at least not attractive. But if she does, she's not saying anything actively bad. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all and all that.

Or maybe she finds it difficult to have her son's attention taken away by another woman. Again, she's still not saying anything actively bad.

You've built this into a huge thing in your head which it just doesn't need to be.

I do wish the word "narcissist" hadn't become part of ordinary conversation. It completely minimises what narcissism is and the appalling impact it has on the people in contact with it.
@DazedNotConfused1 Your mil may be a horrible human being, but nothing you have said indicates that she is.

Stop paying her compliments OP, I am sure she doesn’t think you are ugly at all, probably just a bit jealous of your relationship with her son perhaps? I wouldn’t over think it, just not worth it.

Same!

I've never even considered it!

I know my ex mil liked me generally yet she never complimented me.

My partner's mum once complimented an unusual dress I was wearing.

I can't say its ever crossed my.mind.

Whenever I see MIL, I make sure to give her a compliment eg. “you look nice”, “I like your hair!”, “lovely bag” etc you get the gist as I genuinely do feel she looks good, and if she puts herself down I will say “no you always look good

I'd feel really awkward if someone found something to compliment about me every time they saw me. It just feels disingenuous.

It's also pretty rude to 'correct' her if she puts herself down. She's allowed to have an off day or feel blah without you being sycophantic. It also makes your other compliments seem insincere. She doesn't need you to tell her she "always looks good." She knows what she looks like good and bad.

I'd find that irritating tbh.

I also tell my children they're beautiful. I wouldn't feel the need to compliment their partners every time I saw them.

I think my partner's daughter is beautiful and his son is a good looking lad. I don't compliment them routinely either.

My MIL made a derogatory comment about my looks recently in public so all the family heard and I was not happy. She is a bit gaga, but it made me very self-conscious and I’m very sensitive about my appearance. She was told off by her sons (Dh and BIL) and she did apologise but really there was no need as it was apropos of nothing!
Before that I’m not sure she’s mentioned my looks in 30 years!!
I would say your MIL is vain and probably a bit jealous if she’s mark g a big deal of her family’s attractiveness.

‘She’s a narcissist’

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

At least once every thread, along with LTB, and ‘go NC’

People who give out fake compliments and wait for them back - ugh.

Grow up. Why do you need validation?

Yes, my MIL has complimented me.

I would never comment on anyone's looks. I compliment my children because they are my children, but I wouldn't dare say anything about someone else. It's rude imo. Plus many people hate being looked at and judged by their looks. Your MIL is being sensible.

Just stop worrying about whether she thinks you are pretty or not. You do not need validation from her and I would personally stop giving her compliments. She sounds jealous that you are with her son. Just see her when you need to and enjoy your little family without worrying about what she thinks of you. Life too short to obsess over mil and her thoughts.

What a load of hog shit.

Some people just don't give out compliments. It doesn't mean they dislike you or think you're ugly. Your compliments seem abit transactional. You give them so feel you should receive them?

Dear god. This is madness.

Maybe she only feels comfortable commenting on the attractiveness of people she is very close to. Passing comment on someone's appearance is quite intimate for many people.

I compliment people on many things but rarely their looks (except in very specific circumstances where you know their looks are important eg telling a bride she looks beautiful). To be honest passing comment on people's attractiveness feels a tad creepy and uncomfortable to me. The exception to this is the few people I am extremely close to - my children, my best friends. But then these are also the people who I know I could say when they don't look good and they wouldn't take offence. Looks are such a personal issue and a source of sensitivity for many people, I just think it's hard to know the impact of passing comment unless you are really really close to that person.

I really don't think that makes me a narcissi.

Why are you asking if it’s normal MIL behaviour? My goodness ,I didn’t know there was such a thing . They are all completely different just as all SIL and DiLs etc are all different. No one is hard wired to act a certain way . Lol

My mother in law never pays me compliments… never in a million years did I conclude it’s because I’m ugly. I think you’re way overthinking this.

Why do you need her validation anyway?

Well, I don't know why you want her to comment on your 'attractiveness' when you seem to strongly believe she thinks you are ugly.
In which case it's probably for the best she doesn't mention it?!
And don't give her empty compliments in the hope of fishing for something similar, it's clearly not going to be forthcoming.
Apart from failing to acknowledge your resemblance to Margot Robbie, is she just generally not very nice to you? I'd just avoid seeing her any more than strictly necessary. On the bright side at least she thinks her own son is attractive which must be scintillating for her?!

I would like to be thought of positively and not as someone who is bringing down their family’s attractiveness!

Sorry but what the hell have I just read!?

Why do you care so much about what your MIL thinks of you in any respect? All that matters is what YOU think of you!

For what it's worth, though, I think a lot of people only comment on someone else's appearance in order to feel better about themselves. Could that be what's happening here?

Don't worry about her. She may well think you're gorgeous but not say it for whatever reason (doesn't occur to her, she's envious, finds it easier to compliment her children than someone else, etc etc)