To want a shower one night a week. DH says I’m a c**t

How does this comment help?

Your dad would want you to be happy.

OP I'm so sorry. I understand just how hopeless it can feel.

There are lots of people and organisations out there who can help you. Women's Aid, Rights of Women, your.local Council. And plenty of women on here who will be happy to listen and support.

(Maybe AIBU is not the best place, though. It really doesn't matter how.often you wash your hair, ffs, when the issue is you have an abusive husband.)

This. Stop choosing this.

I'm sure I echo many pp when I say - get in touch with Women's Aid. You can't live like this, and more importantly, make your children grow up in such a toxic environment. I do know what I'm talking about here. It will be hard but you will be supported and you will be glad you did it.

There are two issues at play here:

1. If you 'don't have time' for a 5 minute shower then your priorities are very very wrong. Showering is basic hygiene and more important than working/unpacking bags/playing with children etc.
2. More importantly - your partner is an arsehole. Leave him.

Not a surprise his behaviour has started since you've had children such a sad and familiar story.
Its not about a shower and You can leave op don't be trapped in this life because you can't see a way out there are ways . Good your sister is supportive and I'm sure your dad would be too rather than see you live like that.

He is an abusive bully. I don't get some of the "it's your fault for not being able to take a quick shower" comments. Fuck that.
Don't live like this, life is too short.

I feel you, OP. You‘ll always get woman on here telling you „why did you have kids with him in the first place?“

well they can be nice and claim to support equality womens rights.. right up to the point where they‘re asked to step up and suddenly you don’t recognize the man you married!

My husband would never say the things your husband said, it was nowhere close to that after our first baby but we had some real issues after baby 1 and (sufficient!) time alone to shower/shave etc is still an issue after baby 2. We talked a lot and DH was really stressed and even though he still annoys me by sending DC1 up to come get me when my shower takes more than 30 minutes, your other complaints like name calling are red flags unfortuneately..

You are worn out both physically and mentally as a result of this abuse. You need really close, regular and dependable support. Do you know any mums who have left abusive marriages- one of them could provide moral support. Google The Freedom Program- you will gain strength there. There’s free, confidential, safe, professional advice and practical support available from organisations run by women who have been there. They can help you gradually build up the strength and means to end this relationship. When you are stronger you will be able to step back and see what this treatment really says about his feelings for you and his children.

This is domestic abuse, write down everything that is said or done to you. Record it if you can and get out of that situation. You are worth more and what your children are seeing is not healthy. I would get out of that situation. You're saying about not having money but there will be help for you financially.

Please make plans to leave. It won't get better. He's abusive. Why shouldn't he be making tea a couple of nights a week (regardless of the shower)? He's treating you terribly and it's scary.

Surely NO ONE thinks YABU Op

?

Read the updates. She's showered quick. She wants to do a proper hair wash/dry and shave her legs.

Surely you can relate to wanting a proper shower rather than a quick in and out?

If you're married then you'd be entitled to half the house, no matter who is on the deeds.

You could open a brand new bank account and call universal credit and state you have split from your husband and make a fresh claim as a single person with children and that you are making plans to leave an abusive relationship.

Stop doing anything for him. Collect passports and birth certificates and put them somewhere safe. Collect copies of all important and legal documents. Use your UC to see a solicitor (the first session is free) and she or he will let you know your options. And you do have options op!

Do not accept a life of servitude to this man. Get your kids away from him before they have the opportunity to turn into him.

Get your ducks in a row as they say.

He sounds vile.
I am also slightly confused as to why you've not managed to take even a quick shower in that time though tbh.

It feels like you have spectacularly missed the point. Why should she be solely responsible for cooking dinner? Why should she be spoken to like this?

Wow. Way to miss the point !!

@MonsterMunched

a) it takes longer than 5 minutes to shower and wash hair

b) she can shower whenever the fuck she wants

and to think there’s children living in this shit show

How long it takes to wash your hair depends on your hair to be fair, if your hair long thick and curly (like mine) it can take 20 minutes to wash it.

He called her a twat, cunt, and a bitch. That’s not crappy, that’s abusive, but you decide to focus on her not having a shower?

Well said. The only way to deal with an H like this is to leave him - but I would hit back hard with his ‘failings’.

Folks, this is nothing to do with showers or batch cooking, for God’s sake.

Yeah. The point is two buses and an hour's walk 👉 that way.

Please leave this abusive POS.

Take legal advice. A good divorce solicitor if you can afford it.

As you're married you may well be entitled to half the house, his pension etc etc. things may not be as bad as you think