To want a shower one night a week. DH says I’m a c**t

This is not a relationship, it is a master/slave dynamic, and the only, ONLY choice you have in this is how it ends.

You can choose to leave ASAP - contact Women's Aid, go to your father's (what would really break his heart is to not allow him to help you when you are in this state), go to your sister's go anywhere. Get yourself and your children safe.

You can risk staying until you get your finances together - and please know, your children know what is happening and it is already affecting them. I thought my son didn't know - he did.

Or you can stay, in which case he will cheat on you and/or beat you up/kill you, or leave you when it suits him. And when he makes the choice to leave you/throw you out, all the reasons you are telling yourself that you have to stay will be a reality, but it will happen at a time of his choosing.

The one outcome that isn't going to happen is that he will see the light and become a decent person.

For your own sake and for the sake of your children, get out now, before it gets worse. It ALWAYS gets worse.

What an absolute turd of a human he is. Love is too short for this! You only get one life
This is NOT normal

Becoming a SAHM would leave the OP even more trapped and vulnerable. Not a good solution.

If he wants a “real” woman that cooks every night and runs an efficient household like a domestic goddess that’s fine. Simply offer the solution to be a SAHM. You can take care of everything to do with the home and he can bring in the money to sufficiently sustain the family. You can’t have it both ways. If you are both working then the domestic chores need to be divided up equally. You both work then you both cook and clean equally. You can’t work and do all the household stuff on top. If he wants traditional roles then he needs to also be the traditional husband… you can’t have it both ways..

@Hopingforbetterluck

You said it's got worse since your 1st pregnancy so I can't help but ask why you stayed with him & went on to have another child with him?? What you've described is highly dysfunctional & downright abusive. You need to get out.

Oh OP. I’m sorry you’re in an abusive relationship. It sounds like you feel really trapped.

But can you see this getting better? When you’re very honest with yourself?

Also, how do you think the children feel hearing all his abuse?

Your dad would be heartbroken if he knew you were staying and keeping it from him to save him knowing. If he’s an option, you could go there.

Eh? She just wanted a shower while her husband put the dinner on. In what world is that unreasonable? Even if she’d had a shower that morning, I’d still think he was an abusive arsehole for calling her those names for wanting another one in the evening.
The OPs time management isn’t the issue here.
And what the fuck has ‘physical work’ got to do with anything?

I'd bet all my money that he wouldn't keep up contact time.

There's a lot of us who have been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

He thinks the kids, the house, the food is all women's work. He would not feed or clean up after young kids and the path of least resistance is to give up seeing them.

Everyone saying a shower and a hair wash takes 5 mins- that depends entirely on your skin and hair types. Fur me it's an hour as I have to moisturise and dry and style my lank fine hair or I'm just miserable with how I look.

People's normalities are not all the same.

Oh OP, it sounds really bad. Sorry you feel in the position you have to put up with this on a daily basis. Hope you find enough strenght and wisdom on here to move on.

Just leave. Everything else is fixable later. Don’t let your children grow up thinking this is normal.
You deserve so much better. Your married so you’ll get more financially than you think.

Omg! Are you for real? Are you condoning his behaviour? Sorry not everyone is as perfect as you seem to be claiming to be.

The non existent "time management", the fear
of "nowadays" women of physical work and getting up early enough to manage is also shocking. 😁

Each of your replies has made me sadder and sadder. The choices you’re making for your one and only life are shocking. Call Women’s Aid.

I’m not sure why you haven’t had a chance for a shower but that’s irrelevant. If my DH spoke to me like that I’d be laying a new patio.

Tell him to fuck off you want a divorce. A real man would never speak to his wife like that.

Wtf?

Classy response. 🙄

I’m sorry you are in this situation and you deserve better.
I can also appreciate the difference between a quick wash and a relaxing shower, and scraping your hair up and making it look acceptable until you have time to wash and deal with it (deep conditioning, blow drying, flat ironing whatever you like that makes you happy and feel good). Hair wash day for me is 1-2 hours minimum (it’s not washed often).
The point I’m making is self care is important. Your husband should joyfully help you carve out time for this, especially as you have been rushing around and haven’t been able to do so. This is a minimum relationship standard. You should not be abused for this. Please don’t let him treat you in this way. Sending love ❤️

This is awful. He is abusive. I haven't read everyone's replies, but I think Women's Aid could help you. This is terrible for you and for your children. I wish you the best of luck.

It might take you 5 mins. Mine takes easily over an hour.

plus it’s actually healthier to not wash hair. Hair training is huge right now. Some people go a month without washing their hair. You have pops and shouldn’t be washing hair every other day.

I know. The internalised misogyny sickens me.

Yes, good stance in this case.

That is typically when abuse starts. He is an abuser. Make an appointment with a solicitor. Do not let him know. Find out your options.

OP, I have been here.

You do have choices, they are hard but you need to consider the long term consequences of letting your DC grow up in this environment and the toll it's taking on you.

I would leave, leave and start a new life now. I can guarantee you he'll threaten wanting full time custody or 50/50 but he doesn't. At best he sounds like the majority of these assholes who only end up with EOW or (hopefully) supervised access.

Call women's aid.

jepp cliché the bastard right back and kick him out.