To want a shower one night a week. DH says I’m a c**t

What the hell. That isn’t even the issue. Her husband was asked to do one thing and acted in a very abusive manner. What does it matter when she showers?!

Yeah my showers are five minutes in theory … a good twenty in reality.

I’m so sorry OP, that’s an awful way to speak to you. The thing about “a real woman” is belittling in the extreme.

I’m not a LTB crier in general but is there anything you value in this relationship? Because that is all more than just a normal marital row: it’s indicative of total lack of respect for you.

Let me guess, he was lovely and charming and a wonderful man until you got pregnant and gradually became less lovely and charming and since child no2 has become an abusive arsehole (although an arsehole would be more useful), it's so predictable.
Op, I'm sorry you are in this situation, its going to be hard, but it's time to leave, he'll get more abusive and erode even more of your confidence until you won't know which way is up or down, or left and right.
Look at woman's aid and the freedom program, I'm sure someone who is better at tech. than me can do a link for you.
Wishing you all the best and a happier brighter future without the nobhead

I can only presume that they are men or the shower twice a day with a fresh towel every time brigade

That's really really REALLY not the point is it! Are you the husband?

I would absolutely do this. If he wants a 1950s wife he needs to be a 1950s man.

If he wants a working wife he needs to do his share and STFU.

I wouldn't tolerate anyone talking to me like that. I certainly wouldn't want my kids hearing it or seeing it. They will either be like him or choose someone like him.

ETA: Leave him. You deserve better and so do your children.

And I bet this wet cumrag of a man gets to have as many showers as he likes, at whatever time he likes.

OP, you don't need him. Throw the whole man in the bin.

The ones who think the OP should just organise her time better and then her poor put upon husband wouldn’t be expected to put dinner in the oven.

When are you leaving him?

this is who I’ve ended up with.

@Hopingforbetterluck Please let today be the day you decide this is not true. ^^ He has your head so fried that you think you won’t manage without him/his money - there are many women on here who were in your position and have a positive story to tell after leaving their abuser.

You’ve been given good advice with helpline numbers etc. Please help yourself and your children by reaching out to Women's Aid. 0808 2000 247

You are worth so much more than this.

Domestic abuse comes in many different guises, OP, not just physical violence. I’m never one to say LTB, but honestly, nothing there is going to get better

It wouldn’t be salvageable after I was called those names.

God, who are the 3% or posters who think the OP was unreasonable? FFS.

@Hopingforbetterluck If you are reading, would you consider reporting your post to Mumsnet and asking for a title change?

It's confusing as it stands.

You've explained in your further posts that you DID shower, but you needed time on this occasion to also wash and style your hair.

As a lot of us have said, the shower is not the point anyway.

Your H called you terrible names and it doesn't matter what provoked him.
There will be many other examples of his bullying and temper that you haven't told us about. This isn't a one-off is it?

Please don't be passive and allow him to treat you like this.

Any excuse for people to put the boot in. I can only imagine that they have something lacking in their lives.

Imagine reading a post about someone who is clearly being abused by her husband and instead of focusing on that, making rude comments on her lack of showering.

Christ. Some real charmers here.

Sorry you are going through this. Your children deserve to grow up in a home with no abuse, as do you. You need to face this and protect yourself and your children.

If you are married, you have rights in your home no matter who owned it when you got married.

This explains your right to live in your home https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law-information/marriage-your-rights-to-your-home/

And this one tells you about your rights around matrimonal property (including your home) if you decide to divorce
https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law-information/a-guide-to-financial-arrangements-after-marriage-breakdown/

OP, the shower issue is not the point to worry about here, this man is calling you names and being abusive. You say that it has got worse since your first child and is getting worse.

Please listen to all the PP who are advising that you get some help and some legal advice.

This sort of abuse will get worse and worse and it will get harder and harder to leave.

Please try and find the strength.

It's interesting how many people don't RTFT before posting. Not even just the ops posts.

I'd be stinking if I didn't shower in so long. It's completely bizarre to me that you didn't.
That aside, he's an arsehole for speaking to you in that manner.

Your first point, given the ops updates, isn't the issue.

Can people stop wanging on about her time management - her husband is a horrible abusive prick. Mr Monkey has just realised he has poorly timed park run and getting ready for work so has messaged asking me to do him some breakfast while he showers.

I, unsurprisingly, have not called him a cunt.

And if the OP WAS constantly chaotic and had poor time management there are better ways to address this. It just sounds like her husband is a horrible dickhead who, for some reason (possession of a penis probably) thinks performing any household task is beneath him.

When I'm feeling depressed, I find it really hard to get the energy up to shower especially when I look around the house and see a million things that need doing. And that's with a supportive partner. I can see what she's coming from.

RTFT. Just the ops posts would suffice.