To want a shower one night a week. DH says I’m a c**t

Youdontevengohere · Yesterday 22:32
If my husband called me any of those things I’d be gone.”

No. Why should OP leave? If my husband ever called me any of those things, he’d be gone. Bags on doorstep and locks changed.

He never would, though.

I was once with a man who used to ‘boast’ to me that he never rapes, cheats or beats me. Apparently ‘all’ his friends cheat on their misses and treat them like shit but they still get dinner made and treated well…. He showed me what his bar was so I left.

I’m now with a wonderful man who treats me with love and respect. Op, life shouldn’t be this way.

Well done on making the first step to leaving. You posted knowing we would all say leave. You think you should leave. This post was your first step. Maybe you could be brave enough to contact women’s aid next?

Mine (though he wasn’t terrible by other standards - but he used to subject me to weeks on end of silent treatment) was when he yelled ARE YOU STUUUUUPID at me with such a look of rage on his face over nothing at all.

And my 2 daughters were frozen in one spot on the other sofa.

It took about 5 months after that for me to have got everything in place to ask him for a divorce and another 11 months after that for him to move out but it was worth it.

Time to lawyer up and get rid

Ok well you know he’s a shit but you can’t or won’t leave - you’ll just have to put up with him until you’re prepared to. It’s the children I feel sorry for - imagine growing up and thinking this is the way to treat a partner. Poor kids.

Hi KellyMaureen (and others who got away from abusive pieces of excrement like the OP's:
do you remember a specific moment, thought, or 'click' in your mind that was the turning point, or the moment where everything was illuminated? My blood boils for you all, but being in the privileged position of having a loving and respectful man, and being old enough now to put up with no shit from anyone (and I hope OP doesn't have to endure years of this abuse) - can you describe an inspiring thought that crystallised: my children and I are worth so much more than this existence? Because you are (as you women know). Long-term abuse must really wear someone's self-esteem down, to the point where even bright, competent women no longer see a way out. But OP's position can't continue, so it must change. What was the moment/inspiration/snapping point for you?

OP, it’s not you, it’s him. He’s abusing you. Please speak to women’s aid or do you have family you can talk to?. Don’t put up with this. You WILL manage without him. Stay strong and plan your escape. If you’re married, half the house is yours. If you’re not married, you will survive and thrive. Don’t let your kids grow up seeing this abuse

Why do women just put up with this shit from men? Honestly every other post is from women who are with an abusive prick. Why do they settle for this?

@Hopingforbetterluck many of the responses on this thread are clearly from people with little experience of domestic abuse

But please know that this is not a healthy relationship. Womens Aid could offer practical and emotional support

Op, you can't live the rest of your life like this. Call Women's Aid for help.

Even if your dad is elderly, don't you think he'd want to help you?

People who love you would be horrified to hear you're living like this.

"this is who I've ended up with" ... might be helpful to reframe that thought to "this is who I have chosen to be with and so I can chose to change my mind now" .

You deserve better than this. Abuse like this is not okay and you do not need to put up with it. It will not get better - don't waste any more of your precious time and life with someone who treats you this way.

I can't see him as a keeper.

Leopards spots etc.

Sadly more upset along the way but bright sunlight at the end of the tunnel.

All the best.

Not the point of the post which is about the OP's abusive 'D'H. But I completely get why it is not possible to shower sooner especially if 'D'H is unhelpful and demanding. I have to wait until my DS is in bed before I shower in the evenings.

And you have had more than one child with this prince? Op, you are married, you have rights. Start to use them - see a lawyer. No one deserves to be treated like this, you and your kids deserve better.

Why the fuck are you with such a loser? Leave and get your kids out of there.

Absolutely this. You're worth so much more than this, OP, and your children don't deserve to have this as the relationship that's modelled to them.

YABU for staying with a man like that. When did he change from being lovely and reasonable to being the vile bastard he is today ? Ask yourself if you would be happy if your daughter was married to such a man, if the answer is no you know what you have to do.

Tell him he eaten the last dinner you're ever cooking for him.

My dad and no other man in my life would ever dream of speaking to me like this yet this is who I’ve ended up with.

You are acting like this can’t be helped but you are choosing to be treated this way.

Many of us are single parents, with no financial help, yet we manage to cope.

There is absolutely no way I would allow my kids to be raised in a home where they think this is an acceptable way to treat someone.

It is not your fault that he is an abusive twat.
It is not your fault that he is a violent bully.
It is your fault that you are allowing this to continue, instead of leaving.

You can decide whether you want to continue being treated like this and allow your kids to have miserable home lives.
Or you can decide to make a change and refuse to be treated like this anymore.

Pure facts. The responses on here are embarrassing. I hate that the OP who is clearly being abused, now probably also feels unnecessarily judged and might not return to this thread.

I think some people have missed the most important aspects of this post.

The showering thing is only a part of this. As far as I'm concerned OP, you don't have a marriage. He has contempt for you, and you're not living in an emotionally healthy environment. Leave him. If you don't, I think you will regret that you didn't do it sooner in future.

Another woman crying about her dick of a husband but refusing to leave because of finances. You’re bringing your children up in an abusive household, how can you put finances before their wellbeing?

Well he’s a charmer isn’t he! Did you get an apology later?

A ‘real woman’ 🤢 yeah he needs to be a ‘real man’ then and work enough so you don’t have to and all that sexist jazz

This is what you take from this post? Just wow

Op you deserve so much better than this awful person. Please please tell someone in real life